


Missing Piece

by Just_a_Weird_Writer (Just_a_Weird_Writer_1910)



Series: The Missing Series [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base - SNL Sketch
Genre: Adam Driver/Domhnall Gleeson Character Combinations, F/M, First Order Politics (Star Wars), Mentioned First Order (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 21:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 55,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30078606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_a_Weird_Writer_1910/pseuds/Just_a_Weird_Writer
Summary: **Finished**Kylo Ren goes undercover as Matt,  a radar technician. Nothing special happens, just "having some real talk with some real fokes."But this changes when he meets (Y/n), a hardworking engineer.Will he be able to hide his true identity?Or will he make the same mistake by hurting the people he loves...PRIOR to The Force AwakensThis story is based on the SNL sketch. I do not own any characters, but the ones I made up.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Matt the Radar Technician/Reader
Series: The Missing Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2213037
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. First Encounter

I wish you a pleasant time when reading this journey about Matt and (Y/n).  
Usually reading books is (for me) an escape of the real world, so I thought, maybe I could return others the favour by writing one of my own. I hope you'll enjoy!  
Even though the book is finished, you're always allowed to give a kudo and comment. I love interaction with my readers and always try to use their feedback!  
Welp, I have taken enough of your time let's begin shall we?  
———

'Are you sure this is a good idea? I know we need someone to go undercover, but can't we better choose someone who is more... subtle?' Hux tried to convince Kylo Ren, but it had no result. 'Are you implying that I am not subtle, general Hux?' Kylo tried to sound as calm as possible, which he partly failed. Hux straightened his composure. 'Well, sir, we are familiar with your little... anger problems.' Kylo stepped closer to Hux, his masked face just centimeters apart from Hux's. 'I am doing it, or are you questioning my methodes, general?' Hux slightly stuttered, 'of course not, sir.' Kylo turned around and walked towards the door. 'I already thought so.'

When Kylo left the room Hux dropped himself on the couch in the corner of his office. The door opened again, but it wasn't Ren. 'I finished the blueprints as you requested. Are you alright sir?' Hux looked at the woman who entered his office. 'Just Ren with his tantrums.' He waved the topic away with his hand. The woman handed him the blueprints and Hux looked at it, after a while he nodded in approval. 'Good work as always, (Y/n). You're dismissed.' She nodded in his direction before leaving his office.

A few days later...

(Y/n) POV  
 _Poor general. It is busy enough while finishing Star Killer base and Ren isn't really helping._ I had just heard about Ren's latest tantrum, I was on my way to fix whatever he had destroyed. Again.  
I walked through the long metal halls, I watched as several technicians were still working on the base.  
I had a higher rank than them, I had proven myself worthy. In my spare time I helped the KRCC, Kylo Ren Cleaning Crew. They didn't exactly told me what was broken, but when I opened the door I knew what was, everything.  
I could see the tracks his lightsaber had left in the wall, several computers were broken, or rather destroyed. I sighed.  
After hours of work, welding and replacing computers, I allowed myself to stop. I looked at the result. The room looked as if nothing had happened. I looked at the holo-watch around my wrist, dinner time was almost over.  
I hurried to the canteen.

When I opened the door, the last stormtroopers left, going back on patrol. I was left alone with my tray with food. I took place at one of the metal tables and ate my soup. When I looked over my spoon I saw someone quickly hide behind the corner of the doorway. 'Hey? Who are you?' I lay my spoon down and walked towards the door. When I reached it someone came in and I bumped into him or her. I had to look slightly up to see the face of the one I bumped into. It was a tall man with blond curly hair and glasses. He quickly stepped back. I had seen this man before, working on one of the energy cables, which didn't went well. I held out my hand, 'I am (Y/n).' He took my hand, he had a firm grip. 'I am Matt, I am a radar technician.' I turned around and walked back to my eating spot, 'care to join me Matt?' Matt shook his head, 'I can't, I have business to attend... Maybe later?' I was slightly confused, what important business could a radar technician have? It's already past working time. 'Okay.' I was finished with my soup, but Matt hadn't left yet. He was just standing, awkwardly. 'Is there anything on your mind?' I asked him. It seemed I pulled him out of his thoughts, 'I-I was just thinking, maybe you have time tomorrow during dinner?' I looked at my holo-watch and checked my schedule. 'Yes, tomorrow will do. Goodnight Matt.' I patted his shoulder before walking past him, leaving the canteen. 'Goodnight.' I heard him mumble.


	2. Unexpected Help

It was the next day and I got the order to inspect the coordination towers on the outside of Star Killer base.  
I had already inspected the first three, but as I neared the last tower I saw small sparks. I made my small reparation ship go faster, _this can't be good._ When I was close enough I jumped on the tower platform. I opened the desk where the sparks came from. I immediately noticed what was wrong, an important wire had snapped. I knew how to replace it, but I didn't had a reserve wire with me, so I contacted the help-desk. As soon as I pushed the communication button I heard a familiar voice, Matt. 'How can I help you?' I had to suppress myself from smiling because of his bored tone. 'Hi Matt. I need a 274X cable.' Matt's voice didn't sound as bored as first. 'Hey (Y/n). Uhm.. how does this cable look like? I know everything is labelled, but there is so much stacked here...' I sighed, of course he didn't know where it was. I tried to recall where everything lay, I had worked there too. 'It's in the sixth hall, on your left, the middle of the third row.'  
I heard loud noises on the other side of the intercom, he must have accidentally pushed something to the ground. Clumsy Matt. 'Matt, can you please hurry. I don't know how long this wire will hold.' After a while I heard Matt's voice again. 'Yes, yes I am sorry it took so long. I will be coming your way, what are your coordinates?' I looked at my holo-watch. '635-277.' I heard Matt's footsteps, further and further away. _Of course he forgot to turn the communicator off._

It took Matt five minutes to arrive. In the meanwhile I had attached a conducting copper between the two broken ends of the wire. 'Hi (Y/n). Here it is.' Matt stepped on the platform, the platform shook. 'Move slow Matt, this platform isn't used to this amount of weight.' Matt handed me the cable, luckily it was the right one. Matt watched me as I removed the old wire and replaced it with a new one. 'Aren't you afraid to electrify yourself?' I closed the desk again and stood up.  
I tried to brush off the black marks the sparks had left, in vain. 'I'll need a new uniform...' I mumbled to myself. When I noticed that Matt was still watching I remembered his question. 'Huh, no. We wear these so we don't get electrified.' I showed him my rubber gloves. He nodded in understanding. 'Smart' he concluded to himself. 'Well, we could lose a lot of extra technicians if we won't be smart.' Matt didn't react, instead he started to walk back to his ship. As he walked the platform started to shake heavily, he held himself onto the metal ladder its rails. But I had nothing to hold onto, I started to slide of the slippery frozen floor. But someone saved me before I fell, Matt. He grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the edge. I admired his strength. When I finally stood safely on my ship again, I relaxed my shoulders. Matt stood in front of me, his hands around my forearms. When he realised he held me, he stepped back. 'Thank you Matt.'  
He pushed his glasses back on his nose. 'It's nothing.' I shook my head, 'no really, you saved me. Let me give you something in return during dinner.' Matt turned around, 'ehm, uhm, I don't know.' He stepped in his ship. 'See you during dinner Matt.' He started the engines of his ship and started to turn. Before he went off he looked over his shoulder, 'see you during dinner.'

'What a weird guy.'


	3. Dinner

As I walked into the canteen I noticed there was no one, but Matt. 'Hey Matt, where is everyone?' He shrugged, 'I don't know. Maybe they all had something important to do.' I took place in front of him, on the other side of the table. Matt abruptly stood up, I rose an eyebrow. 'What do you want to eat?' Now it was my turn to shrug, 'I don't know, I like everything. But the food here is just slightly crappy.' He walked through the kitchen door, 'Matt! You're not allowed to go in there.' He didn't listen. Of course.  
When he came back, he was holding two plates with spaghetti. 'How did you get that?' He placed one plate in front of me and took place. 'Uhm, someone owed me.' I heard he was lying, but I decided not to push it.  
I took some spaghetti and ate it, 'hmmm, this is really good. This is general quality' I joked. Matt's face hardened and his shoulders tensioned. 'It's a joke Matt.' He seemed to calm down. 'Yes I know, of course.'  
 _That was weird._  
'And, what do you like?' I tried to get to know him. 'Uhm.. I'm a radar technician.' He seemed to lost his words.  
'I know, I noticed you don't really like your job... but what do you like?' He took some spaghetti. When he finally answered it wasn't quite the answer I expected. 'Kylo Ren. He is a great leader. What do you think of him?' I frowned confused. 'Ehm, I don't know. I never had the honour to meet him.' I tried to sound as respectful as possible, I didn't want to hurt Matt. Then I remembered what I had made for Matt. 'Wait here Matt, I'll be back soon.' I stood up and quickly walked to my chambers. I had a small room, but everything is better than sharing one. I took a small box from under my bed and took it with me. When I walked towards the canteen I heard Matt talking to himself, 'what am I doing...' The automatic doors opened. Matt stopped talking as soon as he noticed I was close. 'Look what I've brought.' I placed the box on the table in front of him. 'Open it.' I ordered. Matt seemed to want to protest and opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. He opened the box, 'pastries?' I nodded. 'I learned how to make them back on my home planet. They are called air cakes. I made them today, for you, because you saved me. Come on, taste one. I feel insulted if you don't.' He took one of the delicious smelling pastries and carefully took a small bite. After he swallowed it he quickly took another bite, not as careful and small. 'This is really good. What is your home planet?' He said with his mouth still half filled with the pastry. 'Corellia.' Bad memories flashed in my head. 'What's wrong?' I was surprised by his serious tone. I sighed. 'As you may know Corellia is a planet that rebels against the First Order. I never liked the New Republic, I wanted to become an engineer for the First Order. Of course most of my fellow Corellians didn't like me because of that...' Matt nervously moved in his seat, 'I am sorry.'  
'I don't know how you knew that there was something wrong... but I appreciate it. You're a sensitive man, Matt.' I looked at my holo-watch, it was time to leave. 'What is that?' he asked. 'Just an invention of mine, a holo-watch. It's a holo pad, but then as a watch.' Matt nodded, 'do you have more inventions?'  
'Not really, I have another project... but I do help with blueprints etc.' Matt nodded, 'I am sure Kylo Ren would like to hear about your inventions.' I suppressed the urge to shrug, 'I don't know. How would I ever get the chance to tell about them. It's not that I have ever spoken with him. But enough about that. I liked talking with you, but it's really time for me to leave. I have to get up quite early tomorrow.' I stood up, picked up our empty plates and placed them on the counter so the cleaners would clean them. When they are back. I was still confused about the fact that the canteen was empty.  
'Of course, of course. We all need to work tomorrow...' Matt stood up. 'Would you like to meet up tomorrow? I enjoyed your company. I don't have many friends to be honest.' Matt answered quick, 'me neither. I don't mind to meet up tomorrow... I know just the place.' I walked towards the door, 'till then.' He nodded, 'yes.'  
I watched Matt as he carefully picked the box with the remaining pastries up, before I left.


	4. Just the people behind the pipes

I had the blueprints ready, neatly hold together in their file. I knocked on the door. 'Enter' the general sounded as commanding as normal, but I heard also tiredness. When the door opened I saw Hux at his desk, hands in his hair. 'I updated the blue prints and fixed a problem with the coordination towers.' Hux looked up, he had bags under his eyes. 'Let me see.' I gave him the documents. 'What was the problem you fixed?' He kept looking at the blueprints. 'The coordination towers broke every once in a while, the main cable to be more specific. It took a while for me to figure out the problem and it's solution. Star Killer base is a very cold planet. It was too cold for the weak material the cables were made from, they just snapped when it was too cold. I created new cables, made of a special lava metal in combination with rubber. The special metal made it possible for the cables to survive cold from even under -50 degrees.' Hux nodded and placed the blueprints down on his desk. 'Very impressive, keep on working like this and you will receive promotion.' I made a small bow, 'thank you, sir.'  
Hux handed me the empty file. 'Ehm, general?' Hux looked slightly irritated, 'yes?'  
'You forgot the blueprints...' Hux looked at the empty file and at the blue prints which still lay on his desk. 'Ah, yes, of course.' He rubbed his eyes before handing me the now complete file. 'May I ask you something general?' I was one of the few who dared to speak up to the general, I already knew him for long and I had worked with him before many times. 'You already are' he commented. I ignored his comment and just asked my question. 'Are you alright sir? You seem very tired. I know I am not allowed to speak up, but it's not normal for you to make mistakes general.' Hux sighed and rested against the back of his seat. 'I am just very tired (Y/n). Everything that happens in Star Killer base first goes to me, and Ren isn't making it easier. This whole place is functional because of me.' I nodded in understanding, I knew Hux was stressed often, but I didn't know it was this bad or heavy. 'You should try to get some sleep general.' Hux snorted, ' I can't, I have these documents about new supplies for the base that I have to finish first.'  
'I can do it' I said it before I even thought about it. But Hux seemed to consider the idea. 'It is possible, you are one of the important engineers after all... Yes, you will be allowed to do it. Don't make me regret my decision.' Hux handed me a stack of papers. He held the door open for me. 'I won't disappoint you, sir. You go stick to your side of the deal. Get some sleep.' Hux his normal so stoic face softened, 'thank you.'

I was heading to my chamber to fill in the paperwork I just got, but then I saw a familiar blonde walking towards me. 'Hi Matt.'  
'Hi (Y/n). What are you doing with all those documents? I thought technicians didn't do paperwork.' I nodded, 'that's true, but they are short on officers right now.' It wasn't a total lie.  
'And how is that? How can we run short of officers. Why didn't I heard about this...' I frowned, 'well Matt, radar technicians don't get to hear that kind of information. We are just the people behind the pipes. I think it's partly because of Kylo Ren that we run out of officers...' Matt snorted so silent that I almost didn't hear it, almost. 'But I really need to go to work if I want to finish these on time, see ya later Matt.' Matt just nodded before he took off with fast strides. _I really don't get what's wrong with this guy._


	5. Calcinator

Kylo Ren stormed to Hux his office and knocked hard on the door. The door opened and a tired but yet irritated looking Hux was visible. 'Ren.' Kylo pushed him aside and stood in his office. 'Since when do you give important documents to non officers? And since when are we short on officers' he asked frustrated. Hux sighed, 'we are short on officers, because a certain general or kills them or scares them away.' Kylo snorted _(where is my lightsaber when I need it...)_.  
Hux started to direct him towards the door. 'If you excuse me, I am going to attend an important meeting. _(With my couch.)_ And as I recall, radar technicians aren't allowed in the offices of generals.' Hux smirked before shutting the door in front of an as radar technician disguised Kylo Ren's face.

(Y/n) POV  
It was four hours later since I started filling in the huge amount of documents. I had to admit that I felt pity for the general. I was tired of filling in this amount of paperwork, but this was just a small part of Hux's daily routine. After I was finally done, I took the pile of documents and brought them to Hux's office. I knocked on the door, no answer. Instead the door opened on its own, _that's new_. As the door opened I saw Hux, laying on his couch, asleep. I walked towards his desk as quiet as possible and placed the documents on it. I accidentally hit the lamp on his desk, but I caught it right before it hit the floor.  
When I turned around Hux was still asleep, he looked peaceful. I sneaked out of his office and closed the door. 'Pfuh, that was close.'  
What I didn't know was that Hux had seen everything.

It was lunch time, so I entered the canteen and took my tray of food. I looked around for a place to sit. I saw Matt, talking to a stormtrooper and a lieutenant colonel. I decided to sit next to Matt, he didn't notice me, he was too focused on his conversation. 'Do you guys like working here?' The lieutenant answered, 'well you know, work is work.'  
'Yea totally.' To be honest, his conversation sounded more like some kind of interrogation. 'What do you guys think of Kylo Ren? Do you guys believe when he says that he's going to finish what Darth Vader started?' I was very confused by Matt's questions, but decided to just listen. 'What exactly has he started?' asked the stormtrooper. The lieutenant was more, ahem, optimistic, 'ya know, I will say this for Kylo, I think he gets a bad rap. He's trying to accomplish something that is never done in the history of the galaxy. Ya know, rule everything? That's impressive. I admire the guy.'  
Matt seemed relieved or something, 'yes exactly, exactly!'  
I had to admit that I normally didn't really pay attention to someone else's conversation, but if they are always like this I don't think I fully regret that. My lunchtime was over and Matt still hadn't payed any attention to me. Well, I guess I'll just speak to him later. I stood up and placed my tray on the counter.

My next mission for the day was inspecting the new technicians and their mentors. I had already inspected two, everything went right. They knew everything and barely needed their mentor, I was very pleased. The next one on the list to visit was mentor Karen and her technician. Karen was known for her... impatience. I already heard her loud voice as I neared them, 'okay, it's real easy. Just rewire the calcinator.' I quickly recognised the radar technician with his funny, gawky, orange technician outfit. He sat on his knees, working with some cables in the opened wall.  
'So... remove this...' From my place behind Matt I could already see he was doing it wrong. Of course Karen couldn't let him make any mistakes, 'does that look like the calcinator? What's wrong with you, why is it so hard for you to understand?!' Her voice sounded shrill. I noticed that Matt was getting frustrated and she almost struck a nerve with him. 'I don't know but can you please stop yelling at me. You're starting to stress me out.' Karen only got closer to him, 'okay, can we now rewire it please? So I can go have my muffin. I haven't got my muffin yet, Matt.' This is enough, this isn't helping Matt. I stepped in and interfered.  
'That's enough Karen. I'll take it from here.' Karen stepped back, 'thank. You. Now I can finally go have my muffin.' Karen walked away. 'Finally, this sucks' I heard Matt mumble. 'I'll help you Matt. Just keep calm.' It seemed like Matt had some kind of anger problem, despite how well he tried to hide it, I noticed it.  
I kneeled next to him. 'Do you know what the calcinator looks like?' Matt shook his head, 'no, I don't.'  
I took his hand and placed it on the calcinator. 'This is the calcinator.' I slowly pulled my hand back. He looked straight in my (e/c) eyes, I looked in his. He had a pair of beautiful dark brown eyes behind his glasses. After a while I pulled myself together again, kinda. 'Ehm... take this.' I handed Matt a tool. 'Now you need to rewire it. First you remove these...' I took the same tool and removed one of the wires. 'Your turn.' Matt took his tool and removed the remaining wires. 'Good job. The next thing you need to do is rewire it. You take one of these new wires and plug them in. After you plugged it in you need to weld it. Like this.' I took a new wire out of the supply box and plugged it in the now empty outlet. Then I took the soldering iron and weld them together. 'Try not to accidentally weld the outlet itself. Understand?' Matt nodded, 'I think I do.' Matt took a wire and plugged it in, then he took the soldering iron. His hand slightly shook. 'Keep your hand steady. Let me help you.' I placed my hand gently on his and helped him to keep his hand steady. 'That makes it a lot easier, doesn't it?' Matt turned his head to me, 'yes it does.' I smelled something burning. 'Matt!' Matt quickly turned back to his work and noticed that he accidentally burned the new plugged wire with his soldering iron. I don't know how he did it, I didn't see it, but the smell went away and the wire was no longer burning. I frowned, 'how did you do that?' Matt smiled innocently, 'do what?' I shook my head and stood up. 'Do you think you can finish it on your own? I need to check the other newbies and their mentors.' Matt carefully placed the soldering iron in its holder and stood up too. 'Thank you for helping me (Y/n).' He hold out his hand, I shook it. 'No problem, that's where friends are for, right?' Matt nodded in agreement, 'yes, indeed.'  
I was about to turn around but then remembered something, 'oh and Matt, how do I know where we are going to meet up?' Matt smiled, I couldn't quite place it. 'You'll know it when you need to.'


	6. Weirdness doesn’t matter

I was finally done with my inspections and went to my chambers. I dropped myself onto the bed. It wasn't the most comfortable bed, but it's home. I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was asleep.

I woke up when I heard someone knock on the door. I was surprised to see Matt when I opened it.  
'Matt? How did you know this is my chamber? I never told you.' Matt shuffled his feet, 'ehm... just asked.' I knew it was a lie, since I never told anyone where my chambers were. 'If you say so. Where do you want to take me to?' I followed him through the halls, I had never been in this part of Star Killer base before. 'You'll see' was all he answered. Suddenly he stopped in front of a metal door, which made me almost bump into him. I looked around me as he entered the code of the door. _This looks like the expensive part of Star Killer..._ I was right, this part of Star Killer base was ment for the more important staff. Matt dragged me along into the room. The lights went on as soon as we entered. It was a big black room, the entire interior was black. A black king sized bed with black sheets, two black seats turned to the glass wall that allowed you to see the dark star-filled sky, a black desk and some black cabinets. 'Matt? Where are we? This looks very expensive and certainly not ment for a radar technician.' Matt smiled at me, 'these aren't my chambers, they are Kylo Ren's.' My eyes widened, 'Matt, we need to leave. What if he comes back? He could kill us on our spots.' Matt shook his head and dragged me along the room towards the two seats. 'Sit' he ordered. I don't know why, but I just had to obey him. He took place in the other seat.  
'Don't worry about Kylo Ren. He is a friend of mine.' My eyes widened even more, how the hell could a simple radar technician be friends with the great, but scary Kylo Ren. 'Uhm, Matt. I like you, you are nice, but how do you think I can believe you?' Matt took my hand in his and looked me deeply in my eyes, 'just trust me.' I don't know why, but something inside me just wanted to believe everything he said. 'Okay, I'll try.' My shoulders relaxed and I was feeling more comfortable. 'Wait here, there is something I want to show you.' Matt stood up and walked towards one of the cabinets, I just looked at the pitch black sky in front of me. This room had the most beautiful view I had ever seen. I was pulled out of my admiring thought when I saw a red glow reflect on the glass, it came from behind me. I turned around. 'Woah, Matt! Be careful, you aren't really... ahem... good in handling tools. You can burn yourself.' My instincts kicked in when I saw Matt holding an activated lightsaber, I didn't allow myself to admire the weapon when Matt wasn't... save.  
'This is no tool, it's a weapon.' _Yea like that changes the situation._ 'I am not good with tools, but I am with weapons.'  
I frowned, I didn't suspect that from clumsy Matt. 'How did you learn to wield a lightsaber? This isn't yours right?' Matt quickly shook his head, he sounded defensive. 'No of course it isn't! Kylo just showed me how to wield it once.' I stopped frustrating Matt as I didn't want to get accidentally impaled by the lightsaber. I stood up and examined the weapon, I had to admit that I had always been interested in them since I was a kid. 'Step back, I'll show you some moves.' I stepped back and Matt started to dangerously swirl with the lightsaber. It was impressive, he looked like a total different man while wielding the lightsaber. He just showed so much passion. But Matt got overwhelmed in his show off, he didn't realise that he didn't have enough space for his "skills". He accidentally hit the black, wooden mirror. It shattered in a thousand pieces. My hands went to my mouth, 'what have you done...' Matt didn't seem as worried, on the contrary, he just shrugged. 'It doesn't matter, mirrors never last long in this room.' I walked towards Matt and took the deactivated lightsaber out of his hands. 'I don't know what you're saying, and I don't know how well you know Ren, but I think it's for the best if I hold onto this for a while.' First he didn't want to let go, but after my words he did let go. He sighed and we took place in the seats again. 'I have to admit that this is one of the most beautiful views I have ever seen.' I motioned the star-filled sky and the snowy forest of Star Killer that was visible to see through the glass window/wall.  
It reminded me of Corellia.  
Matt didn't look at the view, he just stared at me instead. 'Was your home planet beautiful?' I was slightly startled, is he able to read minds or something? 'It wasn't a very green planet, most of it was filled with city, but it did have some beautiful parks.' Matt nodded, 'I see. What exactly happened that gave you such bad memories?' I couldn't suppress my frown, he couldn't be able to read my mind, but damn he was good. I sighed before answering. 'As I told you, I never really fitted in. The other kids despited me, no one ever wanted to talk with me. That's probably why I am not good at making friends still.' I murmured the last sentence. Matt lay back in his seat, he seemed deeply in thought. I continued, 'even my family despited me. They almost didn't talk to me unless it was necessary, I was a disgrace to the family. The black sheep of the family, you can call it. They never supported me, I had to work for my own money to buy my study to become engineer.' Matt sat up, 'is that why everyone calls you by your first name?' I nodded, 'yes. I never felt like I belonged to that family, if I become successful one day I don't want anyone to know me by that family name.'  
Matt sounded surprisingly serious, _he really has an alternating personality._ 'I know what you mean. Don't worry, you will never have to see or think about them again. Don't let them take you down.' I was surprised by his words, but I did appreciate it. I stood up, so did Matt. 'Thank you Matt. There is something off with you... but I think I like it.' I stepped towards him and gently embraced him. First he seemed to not know how to react, but after a while I felt his, surprisingly, strong arms around me.


	7. Promoted

During our hug my holo-watch started to beep. Matt stepped back, he seemed slightly irritated. 'What is wrong with that thing?' I looked at the message, 'it says that general Hux is about to have a speech-.' Matt interrupted me, 'a speech?! A speech?! He didn't announce it.' I shrugged, 'he is a general, he can do whatever he wants.' Matt moved towards the door, I heard him mumble, 'I swear he will hear about this.' Did I hear that well? Matt angry at the general? I decided to ignore it, it's Matt. 'Come, we need to gather on the main square.' I dragged Matt with me through the long halls towards the main square. When the door opened there were already many stormtroopers, all neatly on their place. I dragged Matt to the row of technicians. I could still see the frustration behind his glasses.  
I no longer payed attention to Matt as Hux started to speak. 'We are still working on this magnificent base. Thanks to our technicians and engineers it won't take very long for the base to be finished. When it is finished we will destroy our true enemy, the spiteful Republic.' Hux said the last word with as much disgust as possible. Matt nudged me, 'I don't feel well, I think I am going back to my room.' I turned to Matt, 'let me go with you. I don't want you to faint on your way back.' Matt quickly shook his head, 'no, you just listen to Hux. I know you like their speeches.' Before I could ask how he knows, he was already gone. _Okaayyy weiiird..._  
'I want to promote someone before I let Ren speak, since he really wanted to hold his speech. As most of you may know, I don't promote people often... but sometimes you need to be remembered that when you work hard and are loyal you will be rewarded. I would like to see (Y/n) on the platform.' Hux looked around, searching for me, while I was frozen on my spot. I knew I would get promoted one day, but I didn't know that it would be... announced to the whole First Order on Star Killer base. '(Y/n)?!' I took a deep breath before climbing up the stairs towards the platform. Hux motioned me to stand next to him, he placed his hand on my shoulder. From here I could see the huge amount of stormtroopers, I felt a lot of pressure. Hux's hand gently squeezed my shoulder, I was brought back to reality. '(Y/n) will be promoted because of her good work and loyalty towards the First Order. Her new position will be head technician. She will remain doing the same work as she does now, but then officially. And she will be going with us during off-base missions. May she be a great example.'  
Hux led me to the back of the platform, his hand still on my shoulder. 'This will be your new position for now on, you will no longer stand next to the other technicians.' Hux spoke on a soft tone so only I would be able to hear him. 'Thank you general.' I made a small bow towards him. Hux took his place next to the important admirals as Kylo Ren entered the scene. I had never been so close to him as he walked by. His black outfit and helmet were very impressive. When he started to talk I heard his voice, he had a deep unrecognisable robotic voice. I didn't listen to his words, I just listened to his voice and watched his movements. They seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it. I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard the stormtroopers yell in unison, 'LONG LIVE THE FIRST ORDER!!'

After the speech I went to find Matt, I hoped he felt better. I was on my way back from the infirmary, where I found out he wasn't there, then it struck me. I don't know where Matt's chamber is. In defeat I returned to my chambers.

When I entered the canteen for breakfast the next morning I was surprised to see Matt. 'Hey Matt, how are you feeling?' I picked my sandwich and took place in front of him. 'Oh hey, I feel better. Don't worry about it.' I took a bite from my sandwich. 'I feel sorry for you, you couldn't hear Ren's speech. I know how you like the man.' Matt shrugged, 'nothing I could do about it.' I nodded, 'yea you're right. Have you heard about my promotion? I even got the day off today,' I told Matt excited. Matt smiled, 'I had heard of it... congratulations. I got the morning off too, you know because I was ill.' I was slightly confused by Matt's tone. 'But you're not ill anymore...' Matt answered quick, 'Ehm... they don't know that.' I smiled at him, 'you little devil. I was planning on working on one of my little projects. Would you care to join? Maybe you would start to like being a technician, I could always use some help.' Matt stood up and took my and his empty plates to the counter, he answered when he came back. 'I would like to help you, as far as I am capable of.'


	8. Old “friend”

'First I need to visit general Hux, I want to thank him for promoting me.' While we walked towards Hux's office I heard Matt mumble behind me, but I couldn't understand what he mumbled. Before I knocked on the door I turned to Matt, 'can you stay outside? It won't take long.' Matt just nodded as I knocked on the door. 'Ah, (Y/n). Come in.' I was shocked when I saw his blue eye.  
I followed Hux into his office. He sat on the edge of his desk. 'What is the reason of your visit?' 'I just wanted to thank you general, for my promotion.' Hux waved the compliment away with his hand, 'as I told you, people who work hard and are loyal need to be rewarded.' Despite his effort to sound emotionless, I saw a glinster in his eyes. 'Of course general.' I made a small bow. 'Please call me Hux, and stop with bowing.' I straightened my composure, I was slightly flattered. 'Of course gene- Hux. But what happened with your eye? You need ice for that.' Hux snorted, 'someone wasn't satisfied with my unexpected speech yesterday. And I do not need ice.' I suppressed the little voice in the back of my head as I thought of what happened to Hux. 'Of course you'll need ice for that, otherwise it will only get worse.' I walked towards his desk and opened a hidden desk underneath it. I took an ice pack out of it. 'I didn't even know it was there' Hux said astonished. 'I designed it. I know my own creations when I see them.' I handed him the ice pack, he held it against his blue eye.  
Hux wanted to say something but was interrupted by his holopad. As he looked at it he started to frown. 'What is wrong?' I asked him politely. 'New orders from Supreme Leader Snoke. He wants to fasten up the process... I am sorry that I have to say this, but your day off has ended. We need to go on our mission two days earlier, that means today.' I was very disappointed, I really wanted to spend the morning with Matt. 'As you wish, sir.' I left his office before I got dismissed.

To my surprise Matt was gone. 'Where has he gone, now I can't tell him that I have to go...' I mumbled to myself. The door of the general's office behind me opened. 'Are you ready to go, we need to leave immediately.' I nodded, 'yes, let's just go.' I tried to hide my disappointment, which I partly failed. But Hux didn't comment on it.

I sat in a seat in the lounge of the ship we left in. It wasn't a very big ship, but certainly not a small one. Hux stood next to the pilot as we flied through the galaxy. 'May I ask where we are going?' I asked him, not sure if he would answer me. 'You may, we are going to Corellia.' He answered as he kept looking forward.  
All the colour in my face disappeared, I was stressed. No better, I was afraid. The whole way to Corellia I didn't spoke a word and I didn't move a muscle. I half listened to what Hux told me, the reason of our visit to Corellia. It was something about stopping an uprising from a certain rebel base. I squeezed the armrest of my seat as we landed, we are here. 'Are you alright?' Hux shook my shoulder, I snapped out of my thoughts. 'Yes, yes, sorry. I just don't like landing' I made up. Hux helped me up by holding out his hand, 'I understand, you'll get used to it.' _I wish Matt was here..._  
The knot in my stomach only got bigger and bigger as the door of the ship opened. Stormtroopers paraded outside and took their position. I followed behind Hux as someone joined us, Kylo Ren. I eavesdropped them. 'Are you ready Ren? Anyone who refuses or disobeys us needs to be terminated.' Ren nodded and activated his lightsaber, 'everyone will have to obey the First Order.' I kept looking around, searching for any familiar faces, which I hoped I wouldn't encounter. We were just a short hundred meter away from the ship when it happened. Blaster shots were all around us, I felt their heat and hoped I wouldn't get shot. As I didn't have anything to defend myself I hid behind some trees. But I wasn't the first to hide there.  
'Ah, (Y/n). Good to see you again.' I looked at the familiar face of one of my old "bullies". 'Still a slave for the First Order I see.' He pointed a blaster at me, I started to walk back until we were on an open field. I looked around but didn't see anyone from the First Order. 'You're no one without your demonic friends, hm.' I knew I had to keep calm, but my pride was hurt.  
I shook my head, I spoke in a calm but dangerous tone. 'That's not true. I have more brain cells than all of your rebel friends, and way more discipline. You think that what you're doing is right, but you all bullied me when I was younger. And you call the First Order demons, we just want to bring order to the galaxy. You all are just some unorganised pigs.' _Should not have said that, should not have said that!_  
'Well, for someone with so many brain cells... you say dumb things. You will pay for your deeds and words.' He shot as he spoke, 'LONG LIVE THE RESISTAN-.' He stopped talking as he wasn't able to breath anymore and started to rise up in the air. But I didn't pay any attention to it, I was shot, in my side. I felt myself feeling weaker and weaker as I lost a lot of blood. The last thing I felt were two strong arms picking me up before everything turned black.


	9. Saviour

My eyes had to get used to the white room, I was in a small infirmary. As soon as it was noticed that I was awake a droid spoke to me. 'Ah, (y/n), how good to see you awake. How are you feeling, my lady?' I carefully sat up and rubbed my eyes. In the process I felt a pain in my side, I looked at it and saw bandage all around my waist. The droid saw me looking, 'you were shot in your side, but don't worry it will heal. It will leave a scar, but you are going to fully recover very soon. Yes very soon.' When I was finished examining the bandage I looked around me. I was startled when I saw a full black man in a mask, Kylo Ren. I was surprised when he didn't move or spoke.  
'You need to stay calm, (Y/n). Master Ren has been here the whole time, he was the one who brought you in. He fell asleep in his seat after a few hours.' I nodded, not taking my eyes of the intimidating yet sleeping general, 'where are we?' The droid handed me a glass of water. 'We are still on our way back to Star Killer base. This is the small infirmary of the ship.' Suddenly Kylo Ren shot up in his seat, he was awake. After he looked around and realised where he was he calmed down, his eyes landed on me. 'How are you feeling (Y/n)?' His voice sounded deep, robotic and emotionless. I now tried to fully sit up, with my legs over the edge of the bed.  
I made the wrong decision.  
My vision turned black again and I felt how I started to fall forwards. But instead of hitting the cold floor I felt someone's arms around me.  
When my vision turned normal again I saw Kylo Ren, his masked face was very close to mine as he still held my forearms, securing that I wouldn't fall again. 'Thank you' I mumbled. After he helped me lay down again he stood up. He was about to leave when I stopped him, I grabbed his arm. I almost instantly regretted my choice, _why? Why did I have to take his arm? He will not like it._  
Ren turned around quickly, instinctively pulled his arm out of my grip. 'What?' I couldn't hear if he was angry or not. I started to stutter my words, 'I-I just wanted to thank you. You were the one who saved me back on Corellia right? I saw how the rebel got Force chocked before I blacked out...' I wasn't sure if I heard it well, but Ren's voice sounded more... soft. 'It's my job to protect and fight for the First Order. You are part of that, so it was my duty to save you.'  
 _But I never saw you care about one of your employees before..._ I suppressed myself from saying that out loud. 'That doesn't mean that I don't have to be grateful. I owe you, you have the head technician in your dept. Say it whenever you need me, not that I can refuse anyways, you're my general.' I smiled at him, it felt weird to smile at the dark figure, but he earned it, he earned my respect. Ren nodded in my direction before he left, his cape swept graciously behind him.  
'Would you like to have some bread (Y/n)?' I stopped staring at the direction of the door and looked at the droid, 'yes please.'

It was I don't know how many hours later, there was no clock here and the droid had left me, it wanted me to go to sleep and have some rest.  
But I couldn't sleep.  
I kept thinking about Kylo Ren. Why did he save me? Did he speak the truth? Have I met him before? I really had the feeling I had met him before, but on the other side, he didn't look like anyone I had met before. Right?


	10. The ac(c)ident

Kylo Ren was furious as he entered the ship's lounge. Hux was sipping on a drink that wasn't just innocent water. 'Finally back I se-.' But Hux was interrupted. 'How dare you to take her to this planet, unarmed?! She could have died!' Hux waved with his hand, 'next time she'll get a blaster or something.' He placed his drink down and sat up, 'but why are you so ahem stressed Ren? Do you care about the girl...' Ren's hand turned into a fist and Hux's glass shattered against the wall. 'I. Do. Not. Care. About. Anyone. Am I making myself clear, general Hux?' Hux looked irritated at his now shattered glass, 'but of course Ren, my mistake. You don't care about anyone, so why would she even care about you in the first place...' Hux had a devilish smirk on his face as Kylo stormed off to who knows where.

(Y/n) POV  
It was the next day after we arrived on Star Killer base. The nursing droid had helped me to get to my room, where I had stayed the rest of the day. But now I was feeling better and I could walk again, without help. I was now walking through the halls of Star Killer, I didn't really have a goal in mind but I hoped to find Matt. Too much in thought I didn't noticed I almost bumped into someone. 'Hey watch your ste- oh it's you. You saved me from Matt.' Karen. 'Yea, it's me. Sorry I bumped into you. Speaking of him, do you know where Matt is?' Karen nodded, 'yes I know where he is, but why would you even want to know? That man is a disaster when it comes to engineering.' I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, 'I need to inspect him. You know, because he needs some help.' Karen snorted, 'and if he needs some help, and I am not only speaking about his job as a radar technician. Ah-ah.' She waved with her hand, kinda bitchy. I felt my blood cook, I didn't know Matt for very long but he is my only friend. 'He isn't crazy. He is just... clumsy.' Karen didn't notice my deathly calm tone, 'whatever you say (Y/n). He is in hall 749, you'll notice him when you're there. Imma out.' I rolled my eyes out of frustration as I walk towards hall 749. When I entered the right hall, after finally getting there after 10 minutes, I saw Matt. He lied on his back on a mobile scaffold, close to the plafond he was working on. I couldn't quite see what exactly he was doing, he was too high for me to see. 'Hey Matt!'  
That's where it went wrong, I should have known better than distracting Matt while he was working. It turned out that Matt was working on a leaking oil cable, acid oil. As Matt tried to look at me he didn't hold his anti-leaking tool right, with as result that a few drips of the acid oil dropped on his chest before he fell off the mobile scaffold because of the sudden pain he was experiencing. I ran towards the now on the ground lying Matt, whose hands were on the place the oil had hit him. 'I am so sorry Matt. I shouldn't have distracted you. Let me help you.' I clenched my jaw as I removed his hands from the wound on his left chest. I couldn't really see the wound as the oil burned a hole in the uniform, but I could tell it was bad.  
'It doesn't matter (Y/n) I'm fine' he mumbled, while trying to hide the pain. I shook my head, 'you're certainly not fine. You don't always need to keep up the strong face.' I took a jar of healing ointment out of my (emergency)pocket. 'I need to remove your upper outfit.' Matt just nodded in approval as he tried to suppress the pain, _oh god I had never seen anyone hide/suppress their pain like this._ I took his orange technician kit off and removed his outfit. I was very surprised when I saw that he had an 8-pack, but I quickly ignored it. I opened the lid of the jar and took some ointment on my fingers. Matt clenched his jaw as I carefully anointed his wound, it hurts. I kept anointing until Matt calmed down, the pain had left and his wound was now fully paralysed because of the ointment. 'Do you think you can walk Matt? With my help of course.' Matt nodded. I helped him up and placed my arm behind his back and under his shoulder. He tried to walk on his own as much as possible, but damn he was heavy. 'I'll take you to the infirmary.' Matt shook his head, 'no. I don't want to go there.' I frowned as I didn't understand why he didn't want to go to the infirmary. 'Okay, then I'll take you to my chamber. I have a medical pack there. It should be enough to patch you up for now.' It took some time to bring the heavy Matt, who was still shirtless, to my chamber. Luckily we didn't encounter anyone on our way there, oh god that would look so wrong. I carefully helped him to sit on my bed. I walked towards one of my cabinets and took a medical pack out of it and sat next to Matt. He kept looking at my face as I cared for his wound. First I injected a medicine to make sure the acid oil wouldn't have a side effect and make Matt ill. Then I cleaned the wound with a clean towel and some water. At last I bandaged his chest. Sweat dripped of my head when I was finally done with the procedure. Matt's hand went to my face, he gently wiped it off, his hand rested on my face as he caressed my cheek. I "allowed" myself to look at his torso. 'Do you like what you see?' Matt chuckled. I blushed and looked away.  
'What happens with the oil leak?' he changed the subject. 'There probably already has been a notification send to the technicians, they'll fix it. Don't worry about it.' I stood up, 'try to get some rest, I'll get you a new set of clothes.'  
I looked back one last time before closing the door behind me.  
 _What am I doing..._


	11. Practise

When I came back with his clothes Matt sat straight on the bed. The medicine that had made him loose up had wore off.  
'Look Matt. I have also brought your orange technician kit, it was were we left it.' I handed him his clothes. He accepted them and tried to put his blouse over his head, but the moment he lifted his arm he flinched. 'Do you need any help? I understand that it still hurts.' Matt shook his head, 'I don't need help.' He tried again, but again he flinched. I stepped closer to him and looked directly in his eyes. 'Ehm.. maybe I do need help' he looked at his lap while he spoke. I took his blouse. Carefully I shove his sleeve around his arm, then the other one. Matt looked at me while I was helping him. I only had to get his head through the collar and pull his blouse down. I had to watch out for his glasses while putting the collar over his head. As I pulled his blouse down, my hands went along his chest, I couldn't do anything but admire his muscular chest. 'Stand up,' it didn't sound as an order. Matt stood up. I took his technician kit. He knew what to do and helped while I shove it over his arms. When I closed the buckles I realised why it looked so clumsy on him, I couldn't close the upper buckles, his chest was too broad. That's why it always moved while he walks. 'So, you're done.'

'And why again do you want me to do this? Aren't you supposed to rest or something?' Matt had led me to a training room, Kylo Ren's training room. 'I uhm want to, you know, teach you how to defend yourself. I heard that you got hurt during your mission.' My composure relaxed, that was sweet of him, but I still had my doubts. 'But Matt, aren't you a little... clumsy?' Matt took a blaster out of the weapon rack. 'I already told you that I'm good with weapons.'  
 _You are very stubborn._ I sighed, I knew that if Matt wanted something he wouldn't stop before it happened, outside engineering of course. He had set up three targets. 'Look how I do it.' I examined how Matt held the blaster, he then shot all three of the targets within a blink of an eye. 'Wow! Who learned you that?' Matt handed me the blaster, 'my fat-.' He didn't end his sentence and his face hardened. 'Do you want to tell me about it?' He shook his head, 'rather not.' I accepted his choice, 'tell me when you do want to speak about it. I'm always here for you.' Matt just nodded, and sat the targets back up. 'Now it's your turn.' I tried to hold the blaster as best as possible, but it wasn't good. He took place behind me and placed my hands on the right spot. 'Like this...' his chest touched my back as he placed my arms at the right place. His hair tickled my neck. I tried to stand as steady as possible, but it was hard because of his tickling hair. I missed the first shot. 'It doesn't matter, try again.' I took a deep breath and ignored the tickling feeling, the next two shots didn't miss. Matt walked back to the targets and placed them up again. _I don't know why, but I want him to be proud of me._  
I shot all three targets as fast as I could, I wasn't as fast as Matt but I wasn't bad for my first time. 'You're a natural. Lets keep practicing until you know how to protect yourself.'


	12. Jerk face

I had just come out of Hux his office. I had to show my updated blueprints, which I didn't have. Luckily he was in a good mood, he understood my situation and gave me another chance. He insisted on me being escorted by a stormtrooper to the engineer/technician office. So that's what I was doing, until the stormtrooper did something very dumb.  
'Waddup, Matt?' I hadn't notice that the technician working on something was Matt, but the stormtrooper did. He kicked Matt's wrench away. 'Hey! You kicked my wrench!' The stormtrooper ignored it and continued walking. I heard Matt mumble, 'jerk face.' But I didn't allow this, he doesn't get to bully my friend! I stopped the stormtrooper, even Matt looked at us. I pointed my finger at the stormtrooper's chest, 'how dare you to distract a technician from working?!' The stormtrooper slapped my hand away, 'calm down, tough lady.' I shook my head, 'did you know that if he isn't able to work you could get hurt? What if he's trying to fix a gas leak? Imagine that you're asleep and wake up surrounded by poisonous gas... Oh, and this specific radar technician is befriended with the fearsome and powerful Kylo Ren, I would think twice before bullying him...' The stormtrooper took a step closer, 'is that a threat?' I took a step closer too, our faces just centimeters apart. 'Of course that's a treat, you dumb ass. You bullied my friend, no one gets to bully my friend.' My tone sounded deathly calm. 'You will pay for this.' The stormtrooper pulled his arm back, but the hit never came. Matt had took his arm and turned it behind his back. 'Don't you dare to touch my friend,' Matt hissed next to his ear. The stormtrooper turned around and pulled his arm back. Matt and the stormtrooper stood chest against chest, Matt was bigger. But before anything could happen general Hux stepped around the corner. 'What's happening here, head technician?' He turned to me. 'Ehm nothing, they are old friends who haven't seen each other for a long while. They were about to give each other a hug.' I would slap myself if Hux wasn't there, _old friends? Hugging? Is that the best I could come up with._ 'Well, don't stop because I came. Give each other that wanted hug.' I don't know if I heard it well, but Hux sounded very amused. Matt doubted, but the stormtrooper didn't, he knew what was at stake. The stormtrooper hugged Matt, and Matt had to hug back. I felt the tension between them, sharp as a blade. Matt gave the stormtrooper a last glance before heading back to work. 'HR 6380' Hux turned to the stormtrooper. 'You are dismissed.' The stormtrooper walked as fast as possible, away from the capricious general. 'I'll escort you to the office where you can work on your blueprints.' I nodded and walked next to the general. 'How is your bond with that radar technician?' I had to suppress my eyebrow from rising. 'Sorry sir?' Hux started to walk closer to me, 'your bond with the radar technician, don't deny it.' I shrugged, 'we are just friends I guess.' Hux and I stopped in front of the technician's office. My hand was on its way to the door lock when Hux grabbed it. I looked at him, questioning. 'I just want to warn you, I don't want anything to happen to one of my best engineers...' I didn't know how to react, warn me for what? 'If you say so sir.' Hux made a sharp turn and walked away. With my thoughts still on what just happened, I went back to work on my blueprints.

I was finally done and on my way to Hux's office to deliver the finished blueprints when I saw him. A familiar stormtrooper sat against a wall. Stormtroopers don't usually sit half dead against a wall so I rushed towards him after putting my blueprints in my pocket. I took his helmet off and checked his pulse. It was there, but very very weak. 'Someone help!!' Of all people that could show up, it was, of course, Matt. 'We need to take him to the infirmary. Help me support him.' I supported one side of the trooper as Matt did the other side. 'Do you know this stormtrooper?' I raised my eyebrow, 'we both know this stormtrooper. It's the one that kicked your wrench today. Look at his right boot, it still has a scratch on it.' When we finally arrived, a nursing droid took over. After we placed the unconscious stormtrooper on the bed, the droid lifted the man's eyelids. His eyes were red and slightly popped out. 'What has made him like this?' I asked the nursing droid. 'He has been choked my lady. But the thing that is off, is the fact that you don't see any tracks of it on his throat.' The droid pulled his collar down that made his unharmed neck visible.  
We stayed there for hours, but the stormtrooper didn't make it.

Matt and I walked through the hall on our way to dinner, he hadn't spoke a word since we brought the stormtrooper to the infirmary. _He is probably upset, it is hard to see someone like that. I am going to try to take his mind off of it._ 'Hey Matt, what where you doing before you helped me with the trooper?' Matt's composure tensioned, 'ehm, just technician stuff. You know. I don't know the name of it.' I placed my hand on his shoulder, 'don't worry Matt, we did all we could for the trooper. The droid did all he could do, he was beyond saving. Try to get some distraction, I know it can be hard, as a technician you usually don't get to see this kind of violence.' His shoulders relaxed, 'you're right.' I send him a calming smile. But then I remembered what I was doing before I encountered the stormtrooper. 'I'm sorry but I can't eat dinner with you. I still have to bring general Hux the final blueprints.' I took the slightly wrinkled blueprints out of my pocket. Matt nodded, but it seemed forced. 'See you around.'


	13. Big plans

Hux was very pleased with the blueprints. 'Now we are finally done, just a few little things and Star Killer base is finished. The Supreme Leader will be pleased to hear this... and all that because of you.' Hux send me one of his unique smiles. I felt my cheeks redden, 'it's not just because of me, we have a whole team you know.' A shiver went through my spine as Hux placed his hand on my cheek. 'That might be true, but you did more than the rest, you made most of the important blueprints for goodness sake. And you made it possible for me to have some rest, what accelerated my work and the process. You deserve to be rewarded, some time to get your mind off of things...' I felt flattered. Hux took place in his seat, thinking of a way to reward me. 'Maybe you can organise some kind of feast, in honour of the finished base. Then all staff gets some time off.' Hux nodded, 'that might be just it... I'll announce it in an hour.' He took his holopad and started the organisation of the feast. 'Just promise me one thing.' Hux looked up from his holopad. 'That you will have some fun too. You are one of those rare people who work until they can't. The Supreme Leader should be more grateful to his general.' Hux stood up from his seat and gave me a quick peck on my cheek. 'That means more to me than you will ever understand,' Hux's voice sounded soft. 'Take some time off, you have earned it.' My cheeks were still red when I left his office. I didn't know what to think about this update with Hux...

I was on my way to who knows where when I heard Matt's voice from around the corner. 'Hey, I ran into Kylo Ren in the bathroom. He told me to give you this.' I peeked around the corner, I saw Matt handing something like a letter to the same Lieutenant Colonel from the canteen. He read what was on the card out loud, 'after the rain,' he opened the card, 'comes the rainbow.' The lieutenant looked sad, 'sorry, I killed your son. Kylo.'  
Then I realised the connection, on my way through Star Killer base I heard the patrolling stormtroopers talk about how the stormtrooper son of the lieutenant colonel got killed. I found a half dead stormtrooper, choked without traces, force chocked. Kylo Ren had killed him.  
 _Why did Kylo kill that trooper? Because of one of his tantrums? Because of what he did to Matt?_  
I heard footsteps coming from around the corner. There was nowhere I could go, so I decided to just lean against the wall. 'Hey (Y/n) what are you doing?' Matt sounded... happy, as if he was relieved. I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, 'just leaning against a wall... you know, it's a technician thing.' _*mental facepalm*_  
'Oh ehm okay, good to know technicians do that...' _this is hella awkward_. I was saved by Hux's announcement through the intercom. 'Tonight we will be hosting a feast, in honour of our finished base. Everyone is allowed to come, wear something appropriate... The head meeting room is transformed into a feast hall. We want to reward you all for your hard work.'  
I couldn't suppress my smile while thinking how Hux really executed my idea. 'Why are you smiling?' I turned back to the familiar blonde. 'I was thinking about what I'm going to wear tonight. You are coming too right?' Matt seemed to have a dilemma. 'Earth to Matt.' Matt snapped up from his thoughts. 'I'll try my best to be there.' I looked up at his eyes, 'come on Matt, not trying just doing. It will be fun, I promise.' I gave him a quick hug, 'Don't let me go to the party without my weird best friend.' Matt patted my back, 'I won't.'


	14. The feast

And then there was that moment I had to choose a dress.  
As a First Order employee you only get to take a few personal clothes with you, so I didn't have much choice on clothing. Luckily I had that one thing that isn't totally bad, taken with me from Corellia. It was the dress my, only, friend made for me, she was studying to become a dressmaker. When I took it out of the closet my mouth dropped open, I didn't remember it to be so beautiful. It was a beautiful dark blue dress with a few small gems on it, giving it a real galaxy vibe.  
'This will absolutely do,' I murmured in admiration. I combed my (h/c) hair until it was neatly in place. I decided not to use make up, _my dress will do._ When I opened the door of my room I deep down hoped to see Matt, but he wasn't there.  
As I waited for Matt next to the head meeting hall it's doors I saw a lot of people enter, from troopers to high officers. They all wore a nice suit/tuxedo or a beautiful dress. I waited... and waited, but Matt didn't show up. _Maybe he's just late, I'm sure he's going to come._ I decided to get inside, just waiting would look pathetic and what is the fun with that? Hux's organisation team hadn't saved time or money, the massive head meeting room was turned into a feast hall. Small standing tables were scattered around the room, but they made enough place for a dance floor in the middle. The theme of the hall seemed to be galaxy, everywhere were little lights which looked like stars, my dress really fitted in. In front I saw a small podium, the band was already there. Different kind of creatures/humans played different kind of instruments, from saxophone to even a violin. But my attention was drawn to Hux and Kylo Ren, who now stood on the small podium. Hux wore a normal black and white tuxedo, Kylo wore a cloak/cape that only showed small parts of his full black tuxedo underneath it. _Does he really never put that mask off?_  
'Ahem!?' Everyone went silent and turned to the general. 'As you all, hopefully, know, this feast is in honour of our finished base. Star Killer base. You all worked very hard for this huge achievement. We will soon crush our enemies! But for now... enjoy.' After the "speech" I started to talk with some fellow engineers, who were also dressed very well. Until someone tapped my shoulder, when I turned around a smile showed itself on my face, Matt. Matt was wearing his usual glasses and a good looking pitch black tuxedo, his hair was as curly as normal. 'I knew you would come. Beautiful suit by the way.' Matt looked at the floor and shuffled his feet. 'You don't- erhm... look bad, yourself. The colour suits you.' For anyone who doesn't know Matt it would have sounded like a made up lie, but I knew he just wasn't used to giving compliments. 'Thank you Matt.'  
Suddenly the band started to play some kind of calm waltz music. I wasn't sure, but Matt looked... hopeful, and he was about to say something but stopped. Soon I realised why, 'May I interfere?' I recognised Hux's voice and turned around. 'You look very... appropriate tonight (Y/n),' he wanted to say something else but didn't. 'Thank you general.' Hux turned to Matt, 'you are that technician right? Nice to meet you, _technician_.' Hux held out his hand, Matt took it. 'Nice to meet you in person _general_.' I am probably wrong, but their tones... they sounded...- _idk I'm probably just imagining things._ Hux held out his hand again, but this time in my direction. 'May I have this dance with you?' I looked at Matt, his face seemed emotionless, even his eyes looked like stone. I took Hux's hand, he placed a small kiss on it, 'of course general.'

He led me to the middle of the dance floor. I placed my free hand on his shoulder, he placed his on my back. Hux was a very coordinated dancer, just as coordinated as in real life. But I did enjoy it. He had some kind of sparkle in his eyes while we danced, but I also felt a pair of eyes gaze holes through my back...  
'That was nice, I didn't know you're such a great dancer.' Hux smiled mischievous, 'everything to make the lady happy.' I couldn't suppress to blush, but I blamed it on the heat. After I waved Hux goodbye, I walked back to Matt. 'Why did you dance with him?' His voice sounded emotionless. I shrugged, 'because he asked me to. Is there something wrong with that? Is there anything you want to say?' I really hoped that Matt would ask me to dance... and he did, on his own way.  
'No. Nothing wrong at all... I wondered, ehm- would you, you know...' I decided to play dumb, 'would I what?' Matt took a deep breath, 'would you like to dance with me?' A smile spread on my face, 'yes Matt, I would love to.' His entire composure relaxed, like he was in battle mode just a few seconds ago. 'Well, where are you waiting for?' I held out my hand. He took it and led me to the dance floor. When we started to dance, all his insecurities were replaced by confident. Matt was an amazing dancer, not as good as Hux, but Matt had something something special while he danced, a certain passion, emotion. Matt and I swirled around the dance floor, I couldn't wipe the huge smile off of my face. I didn't notice it at first, because of his glasses, but Matt was frowning, the whole time. 'Is there something wrong?' He stopped frowning, 'no, ehm, just concentrating. I don't want to accidentally drop you or something, I'm not used to dancing.' Matt spun me and caught me again, he looked down at me as he held me in his arms. His glasses had slid down his nose, about to fall. I gently pushed it back before he pulled me up again. I was lost in his beautiful eyes... Our faces got very close to each other... 'Don't stress, it will go just fine...'  
Before anything could happen he stepped back, almost making me fall. 'I am... going to get some punch, yes punch. I am very thirsty because of the dancing, do you want some too?' I blinked a few times before answering. 'Ehm yes, I would like some punch.' Matt disappeared in the crowd.  
That was weird... _Why am I still surprised, it's Matt._

I waited, and waited, I was about to go search him when someone cleared his throat. I was surprised to see Kylo Ren, standing close behind me. 'You must be (Y/n).' _He is so... intimidating..._ 'ehm yes, I'm (Y/n), sir.' Again that deep robotic sound, 'no need to call me sir, this is a celebration.' I played nervously with my hands, 'of course si- ehm Kylo.' Kylo took a step back, 'are you afraid of me?' I couldn't quite place it, but his voice sounded... sad? I stepped closer, forgetting my nerves. 'No of course not, I was just impatiently waiting for Ma- wait, are you and Matt really... friends? You know, Matt the radar technician?' Kylo nodded, 'yes we are. We have known each other for a very long time.' I looked around, searching for Matt. 'Unfortunately that he isn't here, I would have liked it if he introduced me to you. But you know him, he's kinda vague sometimes.' Kylo just nodded, 'I have to speak with some officers, I'll speak to you later.' I made a slight bow, 'it would be an honour.'

It had been 5 minutes since Kylo left, and Matt still hadn't returned. I was walking to the food table when I spotted him, he walked through the crowd, towards me. 'Hey Matt, what took you so long? Where is the punch?' He looked at his empty hands. 'I must have forgotten...' I mentally face palmed, and chuckled, 'how could you forget the punch you was getting for us.' Matt scratched the back of his neck, 'I don't know, sorry.' I noticed that his glasses were crooked on his nose. I placed it right again. 'It doesn't matter, let's get some together.'

We were both sipping on our drink and talking. 'I ran into Kylo Ren, you know. I wished you introduced us, that would make it... easier.' I took another sip. Matt mumbled soft, I couldn't quit understand him, 'maybe it would...' I looked up from my glass, 'what did you say? I didn't quite catch it.' 'Nothing,' he mumbled before taking a sip. He was deep in thought, I just watched him think, it looked quite adorable. I almost jumped up when he spoke, 'I have to go to the bathroom.' Before I could respond, he rushed off. I looked at my drink, _is there anything wrong with it?_ I was not in the mood for trying so I disposed it in the trashcan. 'And how do you like it so far?' When I looked up I saw Hux. 'I enjoy it, I really get to know people.' _Just one actually._ My mind wandered off to Ren.  
Thinking of the devil, he suddenly stood behind Hux. 'Ah, I see you found company. I better get off.' Hux quickly walked away by seeing Ren. I had to chuckle, something that sounded like a chuckle came out of Kylo's helmet. But before I could start a probably awkward conversation, a drunk man placed his arm around my waist. 'You look, hik, beautiful, hik.' I looked at him with disgust, Kylo noticed it, guessing from his reaction. 'Keep your hands off of her.' The man hold me even tighter, 'or what, hik. You gonna kill me with your witchcraft? Hik. I think I quite like this -.' But before he could finish he started to float up in the air. I looked at Kylo, his arm went higher and higher, until he closed his hand into a fist. I knew what that meant.  
The man started to choke.  
I quickly pulled Kylo's arm back down and took his gloved hand in mine, 'he's not worth it.' Kylo looked at our hands, I quickly let go. The man fell on the floor, other guys, probably his friends, started to support him, away from the feast. Before I could thank him, he turned around and walked away with fast strides. 'But...'  
I sighed, what did I expect? I disobeyed the commander, I disobeyed the mighty Kylo Ren, of course he went off.

I leaned against a wall, searching the crowd for Matt, again. I frowned when I saw him, he was wearing Ren's cloak. 'Matt? Why are you wearing Kylo Ren's cloak?' Matt looked at himself, as if he didn't notice wearing it. 'Ehm, I-I ran into Kylo Ren in the bathroom, I was cold and he borrowed me his cloak.' I shrugged, not wanting to make a point about it. 'You run into him quite often... are you and him... you know?' Matt quickly shook his head, 'no! No. Of course not, that would be ridiculous... We are both not into guys.' Again I shrugged, 'I am sorry. I understood your bromance wrongly.' Matt took the cloak off and held it in his arms, 'I have to apologise, I am very tired, I am going to return to my chambers.' _Chamber **s**_? But I shrugged it off.  
I stepped forwards and took Matt in my embrace, I whispered in his ear, 'thank you for tonight. I really enjoyed spending time with you.' For a second it felt like Matt pulled me even closer, but I was probably mistaken. 'The pleasure was mine.' He turned around and took off.

That was the moment I was left alone. I walked towards the food table, I saw some girls giggling. 'Hi, what are you all doing?' A red haired, obviously drunk, woman answered, 'someone smuggled some Alderaan wine, hik. It's the best quality. Here take some.' The woman handed me two glasses of the expensive wine, 'thank you!' I had to yell to get through the loud party music. I knew what I had to do.  
I walked out of the feast hall, leaving the loud music and drunk people behind me, in the direction of Kylo Ren's chambers. I remembered the way from that time Matt took me there. I knocked on the door, 'it's me (Y/n).' The door opened on its own. Kylo Ren sat in a seat in front of the glass wall/window staring at the many stars. I took place in the other seat. 'Here, I brought you some Alderaan wine. It's a very expensive one.' I handed him the glass, he accepted it, but didn't drink it. I mentally face palmed myself, again, _the helmet. I might be a good engineer, but I am an actual Matt when it actually comes to people._  
I took a small sip, it was very, very good wine, but it also contained a lot of alcohol. 'I wanted to thank you, for saving me, again.' Ren turned in my direction, 'no thanks. As I already told you, it's my duty.'  
I mentally rolled my eyes.  
'Yes, of course it is... It was nice to finally meet you, not in a work situation.' Kylo nodded, 'it indeed was. Matt told me about your inventions, maybe you can show me one day... They might be useful to the First Order' I took a last look at the beautiful view before standing up, 'I would like to show them one day. Goodnight Kylo.' He made a small hand movement and the door opened, 'goodnight (Y/n).'


	15. Scheduled

It was the next morning, quite early actually.  
I didn't receive any work to do, so I was on my way to Hux's office to ask my next job. 'Judy?!' I recognised the general's voice. 'JUDY?!' When I turned around the corner I saw Hux, his clothes weren't as neat as normal as was his hair. 'General? What's wrong?' He yelled one last time, 'JUDY CLENCH?!!', he sighed when no reaction came. His hand went through his messy hair. 'Judy, my assistant hasn't shown up. Have you seen her, red hair, green eyes?' I had to suppress a smile, I knew who it was. 'Ahm, sir. I don't think she's going to show up, yesterday night she had drunk a lot of Alderaan wine...' Hux sighed again and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes, 'damn I need my coffee...' Again I had to suppress my smile, 'is that why you looks so... sloppy... because you need your coffee?' One eye opened, 'I can't live without that delicious smelling liquid...' his eye closed again. 'Shall I get you a cup? Maybe in the meanwhile you can orden your clothes and... hair.' I looked at the red messy hair on his head, it kinda looked like some kind of fire now...  
Hux stood straight and straightened his clothes, 'of course, of course, that sounds like a great idea.' Hux walked into his office while trying to neaten his hair with his hands.

I entered the canteen and ordered the general's coffee, of course he gets a special well-made one instead of the dirt we get to drink. I saw Matt, rushing towards the exit, 'Hey Matt, how are you doi-.' He held up his hand and interrupted me, 'no time, I have to prepare some things.' Saying that he rushed past me. _Rude_.  
I had left the canteen with the general's coffee and was now about to knock on the door of his office, but the door already opened. 'Ah, my coffee, finally.' He almost "pulled" me inside the office where I handed him his coffee. He immediately took a huge sip of his coffee, his entire composure relaxed. 'What were you doing in this part of the base?' The coffee seemed to work, he sounded as his professional self again. 'Well actually I was on my way to your office. I haven't got a new job, which is quite unusual.' Hux placed his cup on his desk and took his holopad. 'I have the day off today, maybe we can- oh.' Hux looked frustrated at his holopad. I frowned, 'what's wrong?' Hux snorted before, almost, throwing his holopad back on his desk. 'You already have plans. You're scheduled to go train with Ren.' He spited out the last word. I frowned even more, _I didn't know I would have training with Kylo. He never asked or told me..._ _This must be a mistake or something._ 'I am sorry general for waisting your time. I will go now.' I turned around, but a hand around my forearm stopped me and turned me around. I stood face in face with the general. His voice sounded softer than normal, and... mischievous? 'Don't you ever say that, you are never waisting my time. ( _It's a waist of time to not be with you._ ) Thank you for the needed coffee, maybe we could go drink some together soon...' He gave me a kiss on my cheek, not as fast as the last time. 'That would be... nice' I said, it sounded almost like a whisper. 'I need to go, Kylo is waiting for me.'  
 _What am I thinking, what do I do? He is my superior. This could make us lose our jobs, maybe our lives, and I don't even know what to think about this. I liked the general, but really like like him, I don't know._

I noticed Ren as I entered his training room. 'I knew you would come.' _How the-_ 'how did you know? Is it a Force thing?' Kylo's cloak moved graciously behind him as he came closer. 'No. I saw you with the general's coffee, so I figured you would be there and then sent him your scheduled training.' _But wha- I didn't saw him... Okay I'm not even going to try understand the Force, I give up._ I stopped myself from throwing my arms in the air. 'Why training? I already learned how to use a blaster from Ma- and what is the reason that you are going to train me?' Ren held his face close to mine, 'I don't need to answer your questions.' And it was the truth. He turned around, I looked at the floor, defeated. But he was right, he didn't have to answer my questions, he's my superior, but that didn't stop me from feeling... upset, even though I don't know why I would be upset. As if Kylo knew how I felt he turned his head towards me, 'ehm... Matt asked me to, he didn't want you to get hurt again.' The bad feeling disappeared and made room for happiness, a smile crept on my face. _Did Matt really ask the commander to train me? He has more important things to do right?_ I wanted to ask it out loud, but didn't.  
'No, this is most important... Are you coming or what?' _Of course he can read my thoughts._  
I quickly followed him towards the circle that had been drawn on the floor. 'I want to see what you're capable of when it comes to fighting, without weapons. The first who gives up or leaves the circle loses.' I nodded. Kylo took off his cape/cloak, by doing that he revealed his amazing build. Wow, I didn't know he would look so... _don't think that! He might be able to hear or see what I think!_ But it was in vain, a small chuckle came out of Kylo's helmet. My shoulders lowered, 'am I so weak minded?' Kylo stopped chuckling, 'no. It's just, the first time I was able to read your thoughts because you wanted to tell them out loud, real badly. The second time was because you literally yelled your thoughts.' _Shit_.  
'Ehm, yes... Why don't we get started?' I didn't have to say that twice, Kylo tried to punch me. I blocked him just on time, _that's gonna leave a mark_. He was in his element.  
It didn't take long for Kylo to win, I only got to admire his amazing fighting style for a short time before he floored me. He had deceived me by making me think he was about to punch me, so I stepped back, but instead he hooked my leg right on the moment I stepped back. I fell on the hard floor, that's definitely going to leave a mark. Hmpf. I was about to get up when Kylo held his hand out for me, I took it and he helped me up. I wiped the dust from the sandy floor off me. 'You have potential, but you do need training. Come stand over here.' I did as I was ordered. 'Show me a high kick.' I pretended that there was one of my old bullies standing in front of me to make it easier. 'I see, you use a good strong amount of strength in the kick... but don't forget your arms, you should do it more like this...' I took a kicking pose, Kylo's gloved hands bowed my arms gently in the right pose. A shiver went through my spine as he placed his hands on my waist to turn my body in the right direction. Air filled my lungs again when he stepped back to look at the result. 'That's better, but you need to keep training until you know how to defend yourself.'

_Why did that sound familiar?_


	16. The gesture

I had bruises all over my body and I was, putting it mildly, exhausted. Kylo and I had trained the whole day, I was getting better, but I was not satisfied. There was this one move I just couldn't do right, I kept trying and trying but the result wasn't getting better. 'We should stop, it's already late and you're exhausted. Your results aren't going to get better if you keep going on like this. You should be satisfied, you are way better than when we started.' In my focus and frustration I didn't hear his, sneaky, compliment. 'No, I can't stop until I finally did it.' I could swear that if he wasn't wearing his helmet I could see him roll his eyes. 'You really should stop,' I heard... admiration... in his voice. 'No,' in frustration I forgot the fact that he's my superior and that I have to do whatever he wants me to do. 'You leave me no other choice.' The last thing I saw was Kylo's gloved hand making a small movement in front of my face, before darkness greeted me.

When I opened my eyes I noticed I was in my room, in my bed to be exactly. I looked at the clock that hung on the wall, it was time for dinner. _Huh, how did I get here? One second I was training and now... now I'm in my room._ I took the sheets off of me and stepped out of the bed. I was still wearing my clothes I wore during training. I took a short shower and put on some clean clothes. On my way to the canteen I noticed that I was less exhausted, _probably because of the sleep. Did Kylo bring me here?_ I knew I could be... steadfast when it came to something that didn't go the way I want. _I probably went too far... how embarrassing._ I wasn't very hungry so I just took an apple and ordered a coffee. When the canteen lady handed me my coffee, I noticed there was something off. 'I think you accidentally gave me the wrong coffee, this is general quality.' The woman shook her head and shrugged, 'orders from master Ren.' A smile crept on my face, _how... kind._ I was on my way to the exit when I noticed Matt, sitting at the same table with the same stormtrooper and lieutenant colonel as last time. I stood behind him. 'Hey Matt, thank you for the training with Kylo, it really helped. It was really sweet of you to ask him to do that for me.' I bowed forwards and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. I couldn't see his face, but I swear I saw his ears redden. I had to admit that I had to, slightly, blush. Giving him a peck on his cheek had been an impulsive choice, which I didn't regret, what he did for me was really sweet. 'I have nothing on my schedule for tomorrow morning, would you like me to show you the little project I have been working on?' Matt turned his head to me, he was still slightly red. 'Ehm, yes I would like that, ahem.' I had to suppress myself from smiling, it was funny to see him stumble because he was still overwhelmed by the small peck. 'See you tomorrow.' 'Bye.'  
I could hear a small part of their conversation before I left the canteen, 'a buddy of mine saw Kylo Ren take his shirt off in the shower, and he said that Kylo Ren had an 8-pack, that Kylo Ren was shredded.'

_The bastard has an eight-pack himself._


	17. New mission

My inner clock woke me up at my normal work time, 0600. A little voice inside me told me to just get dressed, I listened. Just seconds after I got dressed, someone knocked on the door. _Who could it be, so early?_  
My eyes met a pair of glasses when I opened the door, Matt. 'Hi, you're early.' He cleared his throat, 'ehm yes, yesterday you said next morning, so I thought-, this is exactly the next morning.' I chuckled, 'well, at least we can finally have some alone time.' I guided him to my bed, and motioned him to sit. My small room doesn't have chairs. 'There is something I've been working on...' I opened the small cabinet, pushed some other projects aside, and took what I wanted to show Matt. It was a small metal box with on the top, in each corner, a small golden pyramid. I placed it on my lap as I took place next to Matt. 'What is it?' I handed him my unfinished invention. 'This... can predict all possible futures. Non Force users, like you and me, will be able to use this. When it's finished it will predict the future even better than Yoda or Anakin Skywalker.  
But as I said, it's not finished, there is one piece missing. I made the tech, but the thing missing is something that's connected with the Force... a special Force stone, to do the predicting part.  
I only know it from legends, and that's the problem, I don't know where to find it.'  
Matt looked admiring at the small box, he seemed like... a different man...  
'Beter than Yoda and Skywalker you say? This is a very impressive piece of tech....' Matt started to mumble to himself, I almost didn't understand what he was saying, 'maybe this stone... yes, that's it.' He gave it back to me. 'I knew you would like it, see, being a technician isn't that bad.' The corners of Matt's mouth curled up a little, but then he stood up. 'I need to go... back to work.' I stood up and held the door open for him, 'unfortunately. It was nice to speak with you again, about technician stuff nonetheless.' Matt gave me a quick smile, 'don't worry, we'll talk again, soon...'

Just after an hour my holo-watch started to beep. I had a new message, _new mission. Report at docks._ So I stood up and headed to the docks. When I arrived, I saw stormtroopers entering Kylo Ren's command ship, it was Hux who greeted me. 'Ah (Y/n) good to see you again. It seems like every time you get some time off someone summons you, Ren to be exact. I am sorry.' I patted his shoulder, 'it doesn't matter, work is work right?' Hux just nodded and guided me to my place in the ship, the lounge. 'Uhm this is the general lounge, aren't I supposed to be with the troopers?' Hux took place in one of the armchairs and motioned me to sit in the one next to him. 'I'd like some company, our dear commander, who ordered this mission, has decided to not come with us. But if you'd rather be with the stormtroopers, be my guest.' I sent Hux a kind smile, 'of course I'd rather sit here, jerk.' As soon as I realised my mistake I placed my hands in front of my mouth. I closed my eyes and waited for him to yell at me, be angry at me, but nothing happened. Instead I felt two soft lips giving me a kiss on my forehead. 'You're right, I am a jerk.' When I opened my eyes I saw Hux, smirking. I jokingly gave him a slap on his arm. I sat back in my seat as Hux handed me a cup of tea. 'Thanks. Where are we going?' Hux took a sip of his tea, 'we are going to Pasaana, we need the termania-spore to make new medicines.'

Our ship landed on the desert planet, everywhere I looked was sand, sand and even more sand. I could see a huge market in the distance. I could even see the inhabitants, the Aki-Aki, they had a gray, pale skin colour with two prehensile trunks on their face. But my vision was blurred when someone behind me placed their hands in front of my eyes. 'Guess who...'


	18. The market

A smile crept on my face as I recognised the deep voice. 'Matt?!' I turned around and took him in my arms, 'what are you doing here?' I was very happy to see him, at least I wasn't alone. But I was also very curious how he got here, a low rank radar technician is normally not allowed to attend missions. After a while he patted my back and stepped back, 'well... I didn't want you to go alone again and, ehm, I didn't want you to get hurt or something...' My heart fluttered. 'Wow... that's really sweet of you, I really appreciate it. But how did you got here? Who gave you permission?' Deep down I already knew the answer. 'Kylo Ren. He can be a very kind leader.' I nodded, 'yes of course.'  
Our conversation was interrupted by none other than general Hux.  
'(Y/n) you're not needed by this mission, you're allowed to spend your free time here on the market.' Since Matt was here too, I just made a bow in Hux's direction, 'thank you, general.' Hux turned to Matt, 'but you are needed to stay on the ship.' My happiness vanished within a millisecond, 'you can't-.' But I was interrupted by Matt, his voice sounded bitter, 'I got strict orders from commander Ren, to keep at her side.' Hux snorted, 'of course you have.' He made a sharp turn and headed towards the group officers. _Did Matt just step up to general Hux?! And why did Hux act like such a jerk, why does he care about what Matt does?_ 'That was very brave of you.' Matt frowned a little, 'what was?' Now it was my turn to slightly frown, 'you just stepped up to, and disobeyed general Hux.' Matt seemed to shrug, 'nothing out of the ordinary.' _Wait what?!_ Matt seemed to notice my confusion and found a way to change the subject, 'did you have breakfast this morning?' I shook my head, 'no, the canteen was still closed and because we left so sudden and early I didn't had the chance.' Matt seemed to form a plan in his head and suddenly dragged me by my arm towards a stall. 'One sweetmallow,' Matt ordered the Aki-Aki. 'Make it two, _please_ ,' I added. 'I am not going to eat on my own while watching you have nothing.' The female Aki-Aki handed me the two sweetmallow skewers, one was purple and one was yellow. 'How much do I owe you?' The woman smiled kind, 'it's for free, the god of prosperity pays for it today.'

'What is this exactly?' I handed him the two "sweetmallows". 'This is the delicacy of this planet. The colour represents the taste, yellow is sweet and purple is sour,' Matt explained. 'Which one do you want?' I asked him. 'I, ehm, I don't know. You choose first.' I knew he was lying, watching the way he looked at the yellow one. _Not really expected him to be one who loves sweet._ I took the purple one, 'I like the sour one more.'  
We walked over the market while eating our sweetmallow. 'What did the woman from the stall mean with that god of prosperity?' Matt looked up from his sweetmallow, a few yellow crumbs still on his chin. 'Each year they organise a market to celebrate one of their gods. We are lucky that this year is the year of the god of prosperity, that's why we got it for free.' I was finished with mine and threw the skewer away in a trashcan. 'How do you know so much?' He seemed to be out of words for a while but regained himself quickly, 'I used to travel a lot.' I nodded in understanding, 'is that why you never told me about your home, because you never really had one?' Matt's eyes darkened, _should have handled that more carefully._ 'I'm sorry Matt, I didn't meant to make you feel upset.' But Matt shook his head, 'no, don't be sorry. You told me about your past, I should return you the favour. Since a certain age things started to get... complicated with my parents. Since then I traveled a lot, to find my place. That's how I ended up at the First Order.' Our eyes were locked for a brief moment, I saw a flash of pain, but as quickly as it appeared as quickly it disappeared again. I jokingly tousled his hair, 'everything will get better, I promise. We'll just leave the past behind us.' As jokingly I tousled his hair, as serious were my words. Matt placed his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer in some kind of hug. 'Thank you,' he mumbled. He let go of me, I hooked my arm in his as we continued to walk. It wasn't something Matt would usually accept, but now he did, he even seemed to appreciate it. 'There is this place... where I'd like to go, and I am sure you would like it too...' I looked up at him, 'lead the way.'


	19. Pyramid

We were walking away from the market, in the burning hot desert. Me, who isn't used to the heat of the desert, was panting from the heat. I looked at Matt, who didn't seem to mind the heat. 'Is... it...very...far?' Matt answered, 'just on the other side of this sand hill.' He turned his head towards me, 'maybe you should, ehm... put your uniform jacket off.' I took my jacket off, the black t-shirt I was wearing underneath it was now visible. The small amount of wind cooled my arms, I sighed from relief. 'That's indeed better. The First Order doesn't mind right? Rather a living, maybe not appropriate dressed head technician, than a dead one.' I wore my jacket over my arm. I struggled over the last sand hill, I saw no damn thing on the other side. 'Matt? Is there something wrong with my eyes, because I don't see anything.' We walked down the hill, and stopped on an open sandy plain. 'Of course there is nothing wrong with your eyes. It's just hidden. Close your eyes and promise me that whatever happens, you don't open them. Trust me.' I sighed and closed my eyes, _this better not be some kind of stupid joke._  
Suddenly I heard a loud rumble, coming from the ground in front of me. But I kept my promise, and my eyes closed. I did not know that if I opened them I would see Matt directing his arm at the ground in front of us, some kind of stone structure rising from the sand. The rumbling stopped, 'you can open your eyes.' My mouth dropped open, where just seconds ago was just an open sandy plain, now was a gigantic pyramid. 'H-how?' Matt send me a smile, 'the god of prosperity is with us today.' I shook my head in disbelief, 'this is amazing.' I let my hand slide over the stone statue in front of the entrance, an Anubis wielding a lightsaber. 'Are you ready to go inside?' I made a sharp turn in Matt's direction, 'you are really planning on going inside?!' Matt nodded, 'why else would we have done the effort, just to see it?' My excitement grew with the second, 'I-I have never been on a real... expedition.' Matt walked towards the entrance, 'well, let's change that.'  
I hung my jacket on the top of the statue's lightsaber, 'guard this for me, will you.' I followed Matt towards the closed big stone door.

Matt was examining the door, seeking for a way to come in, 'I don't see how we get in.' He sounded slightly frustrated. I looked at the big doors, if I looked very good I could see something carved in it, numbers? 'Look Matt, these are numbers. They seem to form a sentence... I have seen this before. Yes, I know it! When I had to help with programming some droids. The numbers indicate letters.' Matt's fingers slid over the carved numbers.  
 _1.23.1.4.21. 1.12.4.21.11.8.21.12._  
I read it out loud, 'awadu aldukhul?' The door started to move upwards, making it possible to enter the pyramid. I smirked at Matt, 'told you.' Matt's head turned away, to hide the fact that he rolled his eyes, but I did notice it. 'What does it even mean?' I asked him. 'It's the language of the Aki-Aki. It means "I would like to enter."' I couldn't suppress the feeling of admire towards the radar technician's knowledge.  
When we stepped inside the tunnel, it was immediately cooler, it was nice for a change. Torches lit up the moment we entered. There was just one way ahead of us, that meant that this was the only way in or out. The wind blew against the old walls, it sounded almost like a voice. It gave me goosebumps all over my body. Matt noticed it, 'nothing can happen to you, I'm with you.' I don't know why the words of the clumsy technician worked, but they did. My composure relaxed, I didn't even realised that it was tensioned before. We walked through the long tunnel, I examined the strange inscriptions and drawings on the walls. They seemed to tell a story, a story about an ancient war.  
The tunnel led to a majestic room. Just one beam of light was allowed in the room, focused on some kind of pedestal, but I couldn't see what was placed on top of it. 'What's next?' I asked him. Matt examined the room before answering, 'we need to be very careful, this place is probably full of boobytraps.' I nodded and followed him into the room. Despite Matt's warning, I couldn't stop looking around and admire the artworks on the walls. Until I heard a *click*. It came from Matt's direction, 'watch out!' I yelled. Everything after that moment happened very fast. Matt jumped towards me and pushed me against the cold floor, lying on top of me. Just a millisecond later, I heard darts whizzing while flying past above us, where we just stood. I felt Matt's chest, on top of me, rise and fall again while he breathed fast. His face just centimeters apart from mine. 'This is dangerous,' I almost whispered because of the weight on top of me. 'Very dangerous,' he agreed softly, I felt his breathing in my neck.  
A moment later he stood up again, holding out his hand to help me up. I walked, carefully, towards the wall where the darts were stuck in. I plucked one from the wall and looked at the purple liquid on the top of it, 'poison.' I threw it away. 'I wished I could just use the Force, that would be much easier,' I heard Matt mumble softly to himself. 'It would, but we don't have the Force. We need to survive with what we have,' I replied to the comment that was only meant for himself. Matt returned back to reality, or that was my interpretation.  
As we neared the pedestal I could finally see what it was, a crystal. Divided in two, one half was black, one half was white. When you looked straight at the white part, it would seem gray because of the black on the other side, and other way around. My eyes widened, 'is-is that?' Matt just nodded, 'the missing piece.' I jumped at him, my arms around his neck and I gave him a kiss on his cheek. 'You sneaky bastard, you knew that all along! You asked Kylo for this mission to retrieve the gem, didn't you?' Matt placed his arms around my back and made a spin with me in his arms before putting me back down. His eyes sparkled mischievous and a smile adorned his face. 'Maybe...' I jokingly gave him a soft slap on his arm. 'Take it, you deserve it,' Matt's voice sounded soft, something that wasn't very usual. I stepped towards the pedestal, my hands went towards the gem I had searched for, for so long. The second I removed it from it's pedestal, everything started to shake. Sand started to fill the room. 'We need to get out of here!' Matt took my hand and dragged me out of the room. The light of the entrance was already visible at the end of the tunnel...  
But a hatch in the stone floor opened, Matt fell. With one hand I held Matt, bungling above a deep hole, with the other I held the gem. I felt Matt's hand slowly sliding out of mine, 'hold on Matt, I'll get you out of here.' But it was hard to keep my promise as Matt started to slide away, more and more. I couldn't save him, not with one hand. I dropped the gem in the hole and took Matt's other hand, pulling him up. I quickly dragged him up and we ran out of the collapsing pyramid. We dove out of the door that started to close. I quickly took my jacket before the whole pyramid disappeared in the sand again. 'The-the gem...' said Matt exhausted. 'The-the price for the gem was your life, a price I was not willing to pay...' I dropped myself on the ground, like Matt. My eyes closed from exhaustion, and before I knew it I blacked out.


	20. Saved, again

I woke up in a bright white room, surrounded by curtains, the hospital wing. Someone was holding my hand and intertwined their gloved fingers with mine.  
I peeked, without fully opening my eyes. It was Hux, his face was as stoic as always, but his eyes told me different. 'This won't happen again, I will keep you save. Even if I have to order you to do so...' he promised to himself.  
I moved my body to warn him that I was going to "wake up". His hand let go of mine.  
I acted like I was surprised to see him, 'Hux?' He caressed my forehead, 'don't act surprised, you know that I care about you. Even if I'm not sure in what way, caring about someone is something new to me. It can be scary to be honest, mostly when you get hurt...' _So he experiences te same..._  
'Don't worry Hux, everything is going to be alright, I didn't get deathly hurt right?' Hux chuckled softly, 'you're right, and please call me by my first name, Armitage. You didn't get seriously injured indeed, but you were over exhausted and you had a sunstroke. You will experience a headache when the medicines wore off. You get to leave the infirmary as soon as the droid releases you, no minute earlier.' I nodded, 'yes of course,' _not_.  
But our moment was interrupted by a lower officer. 'Sir, Ren commanded you to come' the officer slightly cringed. I saw Armitage's eyes harden, 'don't kill the messenger,' I whispered while having a small smirk on my face. He sighed, 'I won't, that's a Ren move... but he's not going to get off so easily.' Armitage gave me a quick peck on my forehead before turning to the officer, demanding and intimidating as always. The officer had watched our little moment, which was a mistake. 'And what are you looking at?! Back to work!' Armitage ordered. Even I shivered because of his tone and stone hard eyes.

As a technician who usually always has work, I got bored quite quickly. I called for the nursing droid, a human like droid stood next to my bed. 'Is there anything wrong miss (Y/n)?' I sat up, 'when do I get to go?' The droid sounded kind, but I wasn't very pleased with its answer, 'very soon, just another two days.' _Two days?! What do they think? That I have a concussion or something?!_ Within seconds my brain made a plan. 'I think there is something wrong with that machine, it has been beeping the whole time.' I pointed at the direction of a good working machine next to my bed. The droid turned towards it, with his back turned to me, 'I don't see what's wrong miss-.' I pulled the exact right wire out of the droid, 'the droid cursus was not for nothing.' _I'm not totally innocent_. I smirked in myself, proud of my work. I sneaked out of the hospital wing, to the canteen, hoping to find Matt since he wasn't in the infirmary. The canteen was empty, I mentally slapped my forehead, something I seemed to do a lot, _of course, it's working time._  
My belly rumbled as I took a plate of soup. _Better eat something light and healthy._ After I finished my soup, I realised that this was just as boring since no one was here.

I decided to go to my room, to just work on some technician stuff, when someone called after me. Despite the helmet I could hear it was a woman. 'You're (Y/n) right? That girl that managed to have something with the general, Kylo Ren and even that dumb radar technician.' I turned around and stood face in face with the tall stormtrooper, _sigh_. 'No dear trooper. I am just befriended with them, I think, nothing more.' The stormtrooper steppes even closer, 'really? I think it's more than that. I heard that the general carried you in his arms, back on Pasaana after you blacked out.' _That's new information_. But I had to keep up their reputations, and mine. 'I'm sorry that I have to say it buddy, but your informer lies. The general would never carry anyone, plus I have nothing with Ren nor Matt nor general Hux.' I felt uncomfortable as the stormtrooper bridged the tiny amount of space between us. 'Do you call my friend a liar?' _Why does it always have to be me, don't these stormtroopers work or something?_ 'Not necessarily, but he did inform you wrongly.'  
'That sounds like an insult if you ask me.' _That's why I didn't ask you, dummy._  
'My apologies, but I'm really not in the mood for this, the one thing your informer was right about is that I blacked out on Pasaana, so please just leave it alone and keep your stupid thoughts for yourself, thank you very much.'  
And of course that didn't work, why would it.  
'You can't just shove me aside because I'm right! That's incredibly rude!' _So obviously gossiping isn't rude_. 'If you think I'm rude, I have to inform you that gossiping isn't very nice either. That's what I call good believable information, not the junk your friend gave you.' Aaaand I crossed a line.  
'You pathetic nerdy technician, lets see how smart you are against my blaster.' She stepped back and pointed her blaster at me. _Of all days why today?_ The "fight" had cause a lot of stress what made my headache come up. 'Any last words, genius?' But my headache made it hard for me to think, so I couldn't come up with a plan or a witty comeback. Luckily the black figure that just stepped around the corner and stopped behind the stormtrooper did, someone with a deep, dangerous sounding, robotic voice.  
'I wouldn't do that if I were you.'  
The stormtrooper didn't recognise the voice and made the mistake to insult him before turning around. 'And which smoker sounding person dares to interfere?' As soon as she turned around she bumped into Kylo. She was tall, but Kylo was taller and far more intimidating. 'Oh.'  
'Exactly.' She turned around and ran as fast as her tall legs could take her. Against my predictions, Kylo didn't go after her. 'I think our dear general Hux would like to handle this one.' I was very surprised by Kylo's actions, _did he get the order to calm down? No, he would never listen... Maybe he needs to keep calm for personal reasons..._  
 _Thank you brain for being so useful for something not important and being so useless when saving my own damn life._  
'Thank you for saving me, again. You really should stop doing that.' Kylo walked a circle around me, checking if I didn't got hurt, 'maybe I should... but I promised Matt. Besides, you're worth saving... the First Order can't loose their best technician.' My heart made a small jump, I know it wasn't really a _compliment_ compliment, but in my ears it sounded like one. 'Maybe this is not the moment to ask, but have you seen Matt? I would like to see how he's doing after the mission, I hadn't seen him in the infirmary while I'm sure he didn't leave the desert without any complaints.' Kylo shook his head, 'no I haven't seen him, but I can tell him where you are, through the Force.' My eyes widened, I knew I could never understand the Force, but that doesn't mean it can't be fascinating. 'Is that really possible?' He nodded, 'yes' ( _no_ ). 'Could you tell him that I'm at the docks, I want to clear my mind.'  
We were both silent for a while, until I broke it, 'did you tell him?' 'yes,' responded Kylo. 'Well that was fast and seemed easy,' I stated. 'Ehm, yes,' reacted Kylo, not sure how one pretends to send a "Forcemail".  
'See you around, commander. Call me whenever you need me.' Ren nodded, 'head technician,' he turned around and walked away with fast strides, his cape/cloak fluttered graciously behind him as always.

_He seems to be in a hurry._


	21. Kiss

I walked stairs after stairs, passing different etages, the weapon storages, the vehicle storages etc. It reminded me of how much power this base had, not just the supplies it contains, but also the majestic weapon within. I ended up at my destination, the docks. I took place at one of my favourite spots, on top of a container. My legs dangled of the edge while watching the pitch black sky filled with stars, that was visible through the entrance. It didn't take very long before I heard footsteps echo on the metal container. I didn't look up, I just kept staring at the sky while Matt took place next to me on the edge. 'Hi Matt, how are you feeling? I never saw you at the infirmary.' I heard Matt scratch the back of his head, 'yes, ehm... that's because I wasn't in a very bad condition.' I just nodded, 'good to hear.'  
We were both silent, a nice calming silent. I was thinking about the events that happened back on Pasaana, the things I had done and said... Matt appeared to do the same. 'I am sorry about the gem.' I finally looked at him, the light of the stars reflected in his dark eyes, his features clearer than ever. I noticed how close he sat next to me, our sides against each other.  
I took his glasses carefully of his face and placed them on mine, a dizziness overwhelmed me while trying to look through the glasses. I assumed that it was because the glasses aren't meant for me, like it should, but I didn't know that it was just normal glass, Matt used his Force powers to make me feel dizzy so I wouldn't get suspicious.  
Matt's hands went to the glasses on my face, stroking my face while doing so, a shiver went through my spine. He then placed the glasses on the ground next to us, after that he placed his hands over mine while staring at my face.  
Matt continued, 'the pyramid is gone for good, and so is the gem. Your invention will never be finished, the missing piece will forever be missing.' I looked in his dark eyes, no longer hidden by his glasses, I felt like I could get lost in them, just me alone in the dark space of his eyes. My head leaned towards his, our faces just centimeters apart. I realised how much was hidden behind his façade, the things he did for me, the words he told me... My heart fluttered while thinking back about those short moments.  
The words left my lips before I could think them through, they came straight out of my heart.  
'You are my missing piece.'  
Matt bridged the last bit of space between us, until our lips touched. His lips brushed mine. Not clumsy, like his normal appearance, but passionate and even slightly demanding. But I loved it. I wished this moment would never end, with his hands on my hips he pulled me closer, onto his lap, not ending our shared kiss. My hands went over his back, I felt scars through his uniform. He contained so much more than he showed or told me, I could feel it, and I wanted to be the one to find out.

I was fully taken by this magical moment no one could interrupt, not even the voice on the background. '(Y/n)? You were supposed to stay in the infirmary.' Footsteps echoed from the metal stairs, but I didn't hear them, I was lost in Matt.  
'How?' The broken voice behind me ripped me out of the kiss. I could see his broken, emotionless eyes before he made a sharp turn and walked away with fast strides. 'Armitage!' I stood up from Matt's hold, and went after Armitage, but a hand grabbing my wrist stopped me. 'It's just general Hux, let him go,' Matt seemed slightly confused about my sudden reaction. 'Matt, I really like you, but you can't make me end one of my only friendships.' Matt looked even more confused, his grip on my wrist tightened, 'are you two friends?' I sighed, 'yes Matt, but if you don't let me go I don't know for how much longer.' Matt let go. Intrigued I looked at him, 'I love you, don't you dare to forget that... _my_ radar technician.' saying that I rushed after the hurt general.

Hux his brokenness had made place for anger, revenge.

The drama had just begun.


	22. Suffer

Hux sat in his personal chamber of misery. Normally he would hide his feelings and strike back with twice the strength, but for now he allowed himself to suffer. Playing on his piano and sipping from his drink, one that's much stronger than last times. He played powerful plays, filled with pain. Totally taken by his music and misery he almost didn't notice someone enter the room, almost. 'She didn't found you?' Hux kept playing, not looking towards the source of the robotic voice. 'Of course she didn't find me, I don't think I would be feeling like this if she did. But how could she find me, no one knows of the existence, let alone the purpose of this room.' Hux expected a sarcastic childish comment from Ren, but it never came. Instead Hux stood up and walked towards him, he was so close, so close as normally only Ren would come by one of his victims. All of Hux's suffer was gone the second he saw Ren, instead it turned into anger, he would never let Ren have someone like (Y/n).  
'Why did you come here?' Hux's voice sounded bitter. A voice left Ren's helmet, a voice he started to hate more than ever, 'you are needed at the bridge. An officer was sent to get you, I decided to be so friendly to take over his hard task. I couldn't let anyone else see you being weak.' Ren bowed his head closer to Hux's. Hux was filled with rage, how dares he to insult him?!  
It is not a smart move, insulting general Armitage Hux when he's on his most vulnerable.  
But he didn't let the anger take control of him, something Ren was never able to do, he knew his moment would come.  
Instead, his face turned stoic.  
'We'll see who's laughing at the end.'  
He stepped past Ren and left the room, on his way to the bridge.  
Ren was left alone in the dark room, Hux's words kept repeating in his head. _"We'll see who's laughing at the end..."_  
He wondered what they meant, there was nothing and no way he could take anything from him, right?

(Y/n) POV  
It was the next morning, I hadn't find Hux anywhere last night. I hoped he wasn't too upset... I took a look at my holo-watch, I had the day off, again. I noticed that I got more days off since I met Matt. To be honest, I felt kinda upset myself. Don't get me wrong, I like Matt, but I felt guilty for making Armitage upset... I really wanted to talk about it with someone, but with who? Armitage is... nowhere to be found, Matt is... you know, Matt. The answer came quicker than expected, someone knocked on the door.  
I almost jumped when seeing Kylo in the doorway, _did not suspect him, from all people._  
'Ehm, hello commander. What brings you here?' I noticed that I always got nervous around him, _just like Matt_. 'I need your service, if the offer still stands of course.' His voice sounded as unrecognisable as always, I really wondered what I would see if he took his helmet off... 'ahem?' I ripped out of my thoughts, 'yes, yes of course. How can I help you?' I swear that if Kylo didn't wear a helmet I could see an amused look on his face, I can't help it that he's so intimidating that it makes me nervous. 'My TIE Whisper is... broken.'

We arrived at his TIE Whisper on the docks. 'What exactly is broken?' Kylo seemed to... shuffle with his feet? 'Ehm, you'll see it when you enter...' I was confused and surprised by Kylo's sudden shift of confidence. I climbed in the small cockpit and saw what he meant. _Someone had a tantrum._  
The whole control panel was burned, everything was pitch black, obviously a lightsaber has been used this time.  
I immediately started to work, I didn't notice that Kylo had entered the cockpit and watched me work. At some point I had weld everything, I only had to rewire some last things and record voice recognition. 'Kylo! I need you to-.'  
I suppressed the urge to jump up when Kylo knelt next to me, very close, since the cockpit was only meant for one person.  
'You need me to?' I quickly regained myself, 'voice recognition.' 'Sorry?' 'Ehm, your voice, you need to speak in this, you know, for voice recognition. Just say your name.' I held up a small microphone. 'Kylo Ren.' The microphone spoke back, ' _Kylo Ren_. Confirmed.' I started to rewire the last calcinator, Kylo still hadn't left my side. 'Ehm, you're allowed to go...' I looked up from my work. 'Do you want me to? I have nothing better to do.' _Maybe ruling the galaxy? No, not?_ 'Ehm... you don't have to.' To be honest, I don't know why, but I liked his presence, his dark aura had something calming. Kylo nodded, 'are you going to rewire the calcinator?' I was very surprised, 'how do you-.' Kylo interrupted me, 'Matt taught me how.' I frowned, _Matt isn't even able to do it himself._ Hearing Kylo's next words I had the feeling he heard my thoughts and accepted them as a challenge. 'I'll show you that I'm able to do it.' We switched places, which was not possible without the "awkward" touching since the cockpit was still extremely small. 'You go to the left and I go to the-.' I had lost my balance and fell onto Kylo, which made us both drop onto the floor, he on top of me. A little voice in the back of my head told me to keep calm, so I listened. I just stared at the black helmet, at the place where his eyes should be, trying to look through the mask... until Kylo stood up.  
I was truly afraid, 'I am so sorry, it will never-.' Kylo held out his hand and helped me up, 'it doesn't matter.' _Doesn't matter?! Doesn't matter?! People got killed by doing something less worse. And why the hell does this feel familiar?!_  
I handed him the tools. I was even more surprised when he flawless rewired the calcinator. I send him a smile, 'wow, you're better than Matt. You should rethink your job.'  
And that was a mistake.  
'Why? Do you think I'm not a good leader? Do you think Hux should have my position instead?' His face/helmet got dangerously close to mine. It was very weird, but every time Kylo gets "upset" I'm no longer nervous or afraid. I automatically placed my hand on his shoulder, 'no Kylo, I didn't mean it like that. I just complimented you about how flawlessly you rewired the calcinator. I don't doubt your quality as a leader.' I felt his shoulder relax under my hand. I took my hand back, realising who I was touching. I stood up, 'the ship is done.' Kylo stood up too, we both left the ship. I no longer had a distraction from my problems and felt the urge of talking to someone once again. 'You're upset,' Kylo had felt my feelings.  
The words left my mouth before realising who I was talking to, 'do you have time to talk, I just want to talk with someone...' I expected a harsh no, or even that he would deride me. But no, instead he said a simple, 'yes.' I was surprised but also grateful. 'You need to make me one promise, don't tell Matt.'

Kylo knew he should tell her, that it wasn't possible, that she should talk with someone else instead, but he couldn't, not when hearing her hopeless tone. 'I won't tell a single soul.'


	23. Confessions

Kylo had guided me to his private quarters, so we could talk in private without those all hearing stormtroopers. I sat in the same seat as the previous time, only this time it was day, so I had a view of the beautiful snowy forest instead of a star filled sky. 'What is it that makes you upset (Y/n)?' I ripped my eyes away from the calming view and looked at Kylo. 'It's just... it's so hard. I don't know if he told you, but I really like Matt. He's so sweet, he has something special I just can't place...' I thought back of the shared kiss. 'Don't you like him? Is that's what's so hard, do you regret what you've done?' Kylo's voice sounded slightly... disappointed? I quickly shook my head, 'no, I don't regret it for a single moment. It's just that I feel bad for Hux, he had always been so kind to me, and what does he get in return? A stab in the back.' I looked at my lap, not able to face Kylo, 'do you know if Hux is upset?' It was so strange to tell Kylo these things, I don't even understand why he would want to listen. 'I don't know. Hux and I aren't really... close.' I nodded, 'I already heard something like that. Could you... take it easy on him, I don't want him to be more upset... I would feel better knowing that his life would be a little easier, not thanks to me...'  
Kylo wished he could stand up and take her in his arms, shielding her from her problems... but he couldn't, he was Kylo Ren, not Matt. Instead he needed to calm her on a less suspicious way. 'Would you like a cup of tea? That always helps calming yourself.' I nodded a yes, having the feeling that he spoke from experience. Kylo came back with a cup of tea, as soon as he gave it to me he realised something. 'I didn't ask which flavour you wanted, I automatically made my special calming tea.' I took a sip of the tea, I immediately felt a calming wave warming my body. 'It doesn't matter, it's delicious and really helping,' I sent him a grateful smile. 'Where did you learn how to make such great tea?' I tried to change the subject to something less depressing, or at least that is what I first thought. 'It's... complicated.' I put my tea down, 'do tell, you listened to my story, I am willingly to listen to yours.'  
Kylo sat back in his seat, as if he was lost in his thoughts. His voice sounded more emotionless than ever, 'My birth name is Ben Solo. My parents are Leia Organa and Han Solo. My mother used to travel a lot for her work, she visited all kinds of places. That's where she learned how to make a special calming tea, which she later learned me. I'll spare you the whole story.'  
Kylo had told her more than he told any (living) soul in the galaxy.  
I was, of course, pretty shocked by this unexpected twist, but I didn't show Kylo that. Just one little problem, I had no idea how to respond. Luckily Kylo did after a while. 'Matt made something for you, he wanted me to give it to you, as an apology for what happened.' Kylo stood up, walked to a cabin and took a box out of it. He handed me the closed box, 'open it.' Something made me frown, I just couldn't place what. When I opened the box I saw a pastry, covered with some kind of berries, but it was slightly burned. 'This is a delicately from his birth planet. The berries on top are Chandrilan grappaberries.' _Ahw, he made me a pastry, just like I did. How sweet_. I carefully took the pastry out of the box and took a bite. Sweat cream filled my mouth, combined with the taste of the sour berries. It was very tasteful, only a little burned. _Typical Matt._ I finished the pastry, I felt Kylo's gaze on me. 'And? Do you like it?' Asked Kylo eagerly. I wiped my hands clean, using the napkin I found in the box. 'It's delicious, I love the combination of sour and sweet. It's just a little burned, that's all.' Kylo nodded, 'I'm sure that if you teach him, it will be better. I heard you made him pastries once.' I chuckled and felt my cheeks redden, 'I'd love to teach him. He has talent. I didn't know he was so impressed by my pastries, nice to hear, thank you.' My mind started to wander while we were both silent. Kylo was very nice, it almost felt familiar, but also not. I didn't have to be strict while being around him, it was very strange, but it also gave me a good feeling, I was probably the only one who's allowed to speak with him like this. I felt my cheeks redden while thinking about all these nice things, until I realised that it was wrong. _He is my superior! And I have Matt, why don't I feel bad?_ _This is all just so confusing..._  
Without realising I stood up, 'I ehm, have to go. It's lunch time.' Kylo nodded and stood up, this time he didn't use the Force to open the door for me, he held it open himself. I mumbled a 'thanks,' before heading to the canteen, leaving Kylo behind.

I had finished lunch, alone, Matt was nowhere to be found. I was walking through the halls of the base out of boredom, when all lights went off. _What the..._ 'Who let Matt alone by the shield generator?! How can we rule the galaxy if no one does their damn job?!' I recognised Armitage's angry, stern voice. My technician brain took over.


	24. New mentor

When I entered the room with the shield generator Matt was already vanquished. I rushed towards the machine, knowing how fatal this situation could be. I used Matt's left tool box and opened the panel to see what's wrong.  
So apparently someone ordered Matt to check the shields if they were still working, which was very advanced technician stuff. Matt should have never been allowed in this room in the first place, but that's something for later worry. 'I have to shut down the system, don't be alarmed' I said to no one in particular. I pushed some buttons and pulled the lever. Every energie using machine or light was now off. If the Resistance would attack right now we would be doomed. Luckily they didn't. After 5 minutes I managed to boot up the system. _This mistake could get Matt fired..._

I closed the panel again and stood up. I now noticed Armitage, finally. I didn't give a damn about any of the officers in the room and just hugged him. He didn't expect my sudden reaction but quickly regained himself and placed his arms around me. 'You are not upset or angry?' I whispered in his ear. His hand stroke my back, 'how could I be angry with you.' We hugged even tighter before he let go. 'What are you looking at?! Back to work!' He told the watching officers. They vanished within a blink of an eye. 'What happened that caused the generator to go off?' I asked him. He snorted, 'someone left Matt alone in here.' I nodded in understanding, 'probably Karen, his mentor.' Armitage took his holopad, 'Karen you say? I think it's for the best if she gets replaced...' My eyes widened, 'you're not going to.... right?' He shook his head, 'no, she will be doing a different job instead of tutoring since she isn't able to do it properly.' I prayed for Matt that he would get a better mentor. 'The only one who is talented enough to tutor Matt is you, (Y/n).' _Wait what?!_ 'But- don't you mind me and Matt being... together more often? Aren't you, ahem, jealous?' Armitage smirked, 'I won't be in your way, I am not some kind of child. To prove it, Matt will get the day off today, so you can go spend some time together.' I gave him a kiss on his cheek, 'thank you Armitage, I really appreciate it.' He motioned to the door, 'now, go enjoy your free time.'

Hux didn't have the need for revenge on (Y/n), in his eyes it wasn't her fault and he could never hurt her. He had indescribable feelings for her, and he knew she must have felt them too. If his plan worked she would come back to him, and he would protect her with everything he had, all of his troops and weapons if needed. He would keep her close and never let her slip from his grip again.

I walked through the halls, searching for Matt, it seemed to be one of my new hobbies. The door of the broom closet wasn't fully closed, what made me curious. When I opened the door I saw Matt, hiding behind some cleaning equipment. Which he failed because he's just too tall. 'What are you doing here Matt?' I shove the equipment aside and helped him out of the broom closet. 'Hiding,' he mumbled. I had to suppress my laugh, 'from Hux?' He quickly shook his head, 'never. From Karen. She could lose her job because of me and she won't be happy.' I could no longer contain myself, 'whahaha of Karen, are you serious. Matt who always stands up to Hux is afraid of Karen, it's just- ahahahha.' Matt frowned irritated, 'it's not funny.' I plucked some feathers, that came from a feather duster, out off his hair. 'Hm, thank you,' he mumbled. 'Well, speaking of Karen, she's no longer your mentor.' Matt's eyes widened, 'is she fired?' I raised an eyebrow, 'if anyone would get fired it would be you, you deactivated the shields, remember. But no, she didn't got fired, she will get a job transfer.' Matt's composure relaxed, 'well at least she has no reason to be angry at me. Who is my new mentor? Depending on Hux it will probably be someone worse.' I made a fake sad expression, 'do you think I'm worse than Karen?' I expected Matt to be happy, but instead he frowned. 'You can't be right, Hux would never allow that.' He mumbled something unintelligible, 'what is he up to...'  
'Yes he did. He even gave you the day off, so we can go spend some time together, if that is what you want of course.' Matt's frown disappeared, 'yes, ehm I would like that. What do you want to do?' I thought for a moment, 'I would like to make a walk through the forest. Away from everyone, some fresh air, just us two.'

I waited for Matt at the gate that gave access to the forest. We had agreed to meet up here because we both needed to get our coats first. I was surprised when I saw Matt wearing Kylo's winter cloak. 'Why are you wearing that?' Matt shrugged, 'because it's cold.' I mentally face palmed, 'I mean, why are you wearing Kylo's cloak?' Matt looked at the cloak as if he hadn't realised it was not his. 'Ehm... I didn't get a cloak as a radar technician, so Kylo borrowed me his.' I nodded, still slightly confused, 'I know what you mean, but that's because we normally don't wear cloaks... Which is a shame, because they do look cool.' The corners of Matt's mouth twitched up, 'lets go outside, then I can show you how cool it looks in the white snow.'


	25. A warm, snowy walk

When we stepped out of the warm base, the cold air struck me. Which shouldn't be a surprise since it was slightly snowing. The forest was very beautiful, despite the cold. I didn't say anything, trying to hide the fact that my teeth would chatter. In vain, 'you're cold.' I looked up at Matt, smiling sheepishly, 'I should have brought something warmer.' Before I could protest Matt had already taken his cloak off, and wrapped it around me. I inhaled its scent and felt how the warmth embraced me. I allowed myself to enjoy it before protesting, 'but Matt, don't you get cold?' Instead of answering, he placed his arm around me and pulled me closer, 'now I won't.' I gave him a kiss on his cheek before we continued.  
To be honest, I felt very cool, wearing Kylo Ren's cloak. I don't think anyone else, but Matt, could say that they ever wore the dark knight his cloak. It gave me a certain confident, which I had to mock, of course. I escaped from Matt's hold and took a sword-like branch. I pulled the hood over my head and swirled dangerously with the branch, as if it was a lightsaber. 'Beware, I am the fearsome Kylo Ren.' I imitated some "lightsaber" moves I saw Matt doing last time, with the real saber. Matt looked amused, while raising an eyebrow. 'Come on Matt, join me, be Skywalker or something,' I pleaded. I got distracted by a passing bird, when Matt almost struck me with his "saber", which I didn't saw he had picked up from the ground. 'The real Kylo Ren would never plead or get distracted,' teased Matt. I blocked some of his hits, and even tried to attack him myself. But he was surprisingly good... irritatingly good. 'Come on...,' I was focused on trying to win. I tried some new things, I even tried to make a swirl with my body before hitting. It was frustrating how Matt easily blocked all of my blows. 'Why are you so damn good in this...' He seemed to be a different person while being focused on our "lightsaber battle".  
I started walking backwards because of the strength Matt was using in his hits, it was getting harder and harder to block them. I was so concentrated that I didn't notice that I had stepped on ice, covered by snow. I slipped and fell forwards, taking Matt with me in my fall. I fell atop on him, he broke my fall. 'The real Skywalker would never let anyone fall on top of them,' I teased, my body levitating above his chest, using my arms to support myself. 'Luckily that I'm not Skywalker,' he took the hood off my head, while pulling me closer which made me drop on his chest. He smiled one of his unique adorable smiles before bowing his head towards mine, as I did the same, our lips met mid air. 'I think Kylo Ren has won,' I smirked when pulling back. 'I wouldn't be so sure if I was you,' with his arms around my back he rolled over, which made us switch places, he on top of me. 'I never knew Skywalker was such a good kisser,' I teased. 'Shut up with your Skywalker,' he made me shut up by kissing me again, passionately.  
I looked at his glasses, which were crooked on his nose.  
I always loved the way how Matt struggles with his glasses, since Matt seemed like he couldn't "handle" them, but there was one thing more untameable, his curly blonde hair, which was covered with little snowflakes.  
But I didn't allow him to win, it was my turn to roll over, I was on top of him again. 'Kylo Ren always gets what he wants.'

(Y/n) didn't know how complicated that sounded to him.  
The closer he got with (Y/n) the harder it got. It felt wrong to lie to someone so precious, someone who knew more about him than most people did, but she did not know about his biggest secret. He wanted to tell her, he wished he could tell her the truth, but he couldn't. He always appeared to be certain of everything, to be confident, but he had more insecurities than most people knew, those insecurities didn't allow him to tell her the truth.

She saw the sudden doubt in his eyes and stood up, coming back to reality. She tried to wipe the white snow off the woolly black cloak, 'we should go back, I don't think Kylo would like his cloak to be white.' She held her hand out and helped Matt up. 'That's probably for the best,' he mumbled, still taken by his previous thoughts. But he did master his thoughts enough to pull (Y/n) close to him again while they walked back.


	26. Commander Matt

We had eaten dinner together in a nice silence, strangely the trooper from previous time was nowhere to be found. I felt stares in my back, I was still wearing Kylo's cloak, what drew attention. But I didn't allow them to ruin the moment.  
'I noticed you like stars, would you like to go star gazing, but then you know... inside, in Kylo's private quarters. You liked that view, right?' Matt's eyes revealed some nervousness. I blushed, 'yes, I would like that. Sweet of you to remind and notice what I like...' I gave him a kiss on his forehead.

Every stormtrooper saluted when we past by, they thought I was the real Kylo Ren, I couldn't blame them since they couldn't see my face, hidden by the hood. I heard Matt chuckle as I proudly walked through the hall with intimidating strides. 'Do you think it's funny?' I imitated Kylo's deep robotic voice. 'If you dare to laugh...' I held my hand out as if I was about to Force choke Matt. Matt grabbed towards his throat, 'no please, give me another chance.' I lowered my arm, 'if you dare to make one single mistake, I will no longer show mercy.' Matt dropped himself on the floor and pretended like he had to grasp for breath.  
I got distracted when someone tapped on my shoulder, 'Ren we need-.' I turned around, it was Armitage, I never saw so much hate in his eyes as he thought I was Kylo, it felt odd. But he quickly regained himself, 'oh it's you. And why, may I ask, are you wearing Ren's cloak?' I remembered Matt was here too when he placed his hand on my shoulder, 'she was cold and burrowed it. Commander Ren was kind enough to let her. Any problems with that, general?' Armitage suppressed a snort, 'no of course not. I just hoped to speak with commander Ren, about the next mission, but I think I won't be finding him today.' I had nothing to say, I was still too much in confusion because of the look Armitage had in his eyes before knowing it was me, such a hatred... it made me shiver. I didn't realise Armitage had left until Matt's voice made me rip up from my thoughts. 'Are you alright? You look so pale.' I took the hood off, 'yes I'm alright, just... I didn't know Hux could hold so much hatred.' I stared off into nowhere. Matt placed his arm around me and motioned me to continue walking, 'don't worry about it (Y/n). You are one of the few he doesn't have hatred for.' I send him a grateful smile, 'I'm sorry, I won't let my issues ruin our day free together.' Matt gently stroke a lost strand of hair out of my face, I shivered when he "accidentally" touched my skin. 'Your issues are as much as my issues, don't think twice about asking my help,' he said a little commanding before kissing my forehead. 'of course commander Matt,' I chuckled. He slightly tensioned, but I didn't notice it. _It doesn't sound weird, commander Matt. He does sometimes show how commanding and demanding he can be. Funny..._ I already had a picture in mind...  
I almost didn't notice the black leather couch instead of the two seats when we entered. 'A couch? Why would Kylo have a couch?' I raised my eyebrow. Matt sounded nonchalant while trying to explain, 'I might or might not have dropped in our conversation the fact that we might go star gazing in his quarters.'  
I wanted to jokingly slap his arm, but Matt was faster. He took my arm and pulled me with him onto the couch. 'You sneaky-.' He interrupted my accusation by catching my lips with his. After our kiss, I placed my head on his shoulder, and he placed his arm around me to hold me close. It was sweet to see how he always seemed to be afraid to lose me if he let go. While watching the stars I realised how tired I was, the cold had made me -mentally and physically- tired. I tried to stay awake, but Matt wasn't really helping, his adorable hold, body warmth, the calm rise and fall of his chest...  
I felt save in his arms, I don't know why, he's just a clumsy radar technician... but he is my clumsy radar technician. I looked in his eyes while he kept looking at the stars, they were dark, I dared to swear that I sometimes saw a twinkle in them, like a falling star. 'Do you like the view?,' Matt was talking about the dark, star sky, but I could only look at the darkness in his eyes. 'Yes, it's beautiful,' I answered absently. Matt's chest rose and fell slower and slower, I couldn't keep my eyelids open for another moment as the darkness greeted me.


	27. Phasma

I woke up because of the morning sun rays on my face, I lay, under Matt's arms, my head on his lap. I wished I could stay like this forever, so peaceful. Matt woke up a few seconds after me, stroking a lost strand of hair out of my face. He stretched his arms as I sat up. I yawned, still sleepy, 'did we just fall asleep in Kylo Ren's quarters?' Matt stood up and straightened his clothes, 'not just, we've stayed here all night.' The realisation came pretty late, 'but- what if he comes back? He needs to sleep too right, in his own quarters?' I stood up and tried to tame my hair. 'Ehm, he's on a mission.'  
I realised another thing when Matt said mission, I had to work.

I had been mentoring Matt, he felt like some kind of shadow, just like when we first met, but then less awkward.  
Two weeks had passed without anything happened, Matt and I were too busy with his training. Well nothing... maybe one thing...

Flashback

'Matt, could you please hold the ladder steady?' I stood on top of an unstable ladder. I didn't have to look down to know Matt was now holding it, the ladder seemed to be glued on the floor and didn't make a single movement. I stood pretty high, not that I'm afraid of heights, it's just... high. 'Thanks Matt.' I tried to distract myself from the height by fixing the problem, the lighting. I had to be very, very careful or I could get electrified. Lately I had let Matt do most of the work since he was getting better at it, but this was too advanced for him... and I didn't want him to get electrified. I was so focused that I didn't saw Armitage enter the hallway, but Matt did. I don't know what's going on between them, but they certainly do not like each other. I'm surprised that Matt didn't already made some kind of boobytrap for him, like closing off the water for his bathroom or something. That would be typical Matt.  
Instead of "pranking" him in his own time, he got distracted during work.  
Armitage hadn't seen that I was the one on the ladder he was holding, so he didn't see why he couldn't annoy Matt. Why would a general annoy Matt in the first place I wonder. 'Ah _technician_ , doing the dirty work hm? Aren't you capable enough to work yourself, so they just take advantage of your strength, by holding their ladder,' Armitage smirked.  
And of course Matt got distracted, but hey, it's Matt.  
He let go of the ladder and turned to face Armitage. At the exact same moment I got a little shock from the broken lamp, which made me jump slightly, but enough to make me fall since no one was holding the ladder. Matt must have inhuman responsiveness, because he caught me right on time. Once again I was surprised by his strength, in his strong arms it seemed like I weighted nothing. For a split moment our eyes locked and Matt send me a kind smile, one he hadn't shown in a week. 'You can put me back down, I only have a few bruises,' _okay, more than a few_. 'Yes, put her back down,' Armitage's voice sounded high and stern. 'No, I need to bring her to her room,' Matt protested. 'You will not do such thing,' Armitage's voice was still pitch high. I don't know what glance Matt sent him, but it definitely worked. 'Well, then be quick,' Armitage left off, still irritated. The distance Matt had been keeping the last week was obviously less as he carried me to my room, in his arms.  
This time there was a chair in my room, an old one I found on the dump. The second Matt places me on the chair, it broke. I quickly stood up before it completely collapsed, I felt my hurt ankle protest. I tried to hide the pain, but Matt had some kind of super power to know how someone feels. 'You're in pain. It's my fault, I should not have been distracted,' his eyes looked even more like puppy eyes when he's upset, hard to take him serious. 'Don't you worry about it, that's the job. Everyone gets hurt every once in a while.' I looked at the poor chair, I really wanted a chair in my room, it would make me feel less... poor. 'I'll fix it.'  
Before I knew Matt had left the room to get his tool box. In the meanwhile I applied some ointment on my bruises, it worked instantly. When Matt came back with his tool box he seemed more ready than ever. 'You sure you'll be able to fix it?' He sat on the floor next to the broken chair, 'I'm sure it can't get any worse,' he mumbled. It took Matt fifteen minutes to fix the chair. 'Where did you learn that?' He stood up and tested the chair, 'my father thought me how.'

End of flashback

Kylo had been trying to keep his distance from (Y/n), which was hard. But he had to, (Y/n) still didn't know his real identity and he didn't want her to break, if she accidentally finds out herself. So far everything was going fine, except from that one moment she fell from the ladder, but that was his own fault and he couldn't bare to see her hurt.

I had received a new mission, joining the supplies vehicle, which contained the supplies I ordered for Armitage that one time. Matt would be joining me on this mission, like he had done these two weeks, but he was already in the ship. I was stopped by Armitage, who I hadn't seen since the ladder accident. He tried to keep his distance, but I couldn't figure out why. 'I want you to have this,' he sneakily handed me a small blaster, but I knew it was high quality. 'I can't accept this,' but I did took the blaster. 'I want you to be save. Try to hide it as much as possible, you're not allowed to have a blaster, but I can't bare to leave you on a mission unarmed. Again.' I hid the blaster in the pocket of my uniform, before giving him a quick hug, he always seems to enjoy them. 'We need to go, general Hugs,' the officer made, accidentally, a huge mistake, which he realised too, I saw him cringe. Armitage had to let me go and made a sharp turn, 'what did you just say?!' 'N-nothing sir, just that you need to-to leave,' it didn't matter what he said, his faith had already been sealed. 'Troopers, take this man away.' He motioned the two stormtroopers that already took place at each side of the man. I felt sorry for him, 'what will happen to him?' Armitage had realised my presence again, 'he will be send to reconditioning, he's lucky that we're still short on officers.' Armitage was interrupted by the arrival of a tall stormtrooper in a silver, chrome uniform. 'Ah, Phasma, you finally arrived.' Phasma had a robot like voice, but that didn't hide the fact she's a woman, 'I couldn't miss my first mission on Starkiller base.' She turned her head and examined me, 'what are my orders?' Hux straightened his composure, knowing that I wouldn't like what he was going to tell, 'I need you to protect (Y/n) here.' I made a sharp turn to Armitage, 'I do not need a baby sitter, do I make myself clear?' My voice sounded bitter. I heard Phasma snort, not happy with how I act up to my superior. He took my arm and pulled me away from Phasma, 'I need to keep you save, please cooperate.' This was the first time he sounded so... pleading, which made me calm down. 'Okay, just for once.' Armitage had a satisfied smirk on his face. 'Jerk,' I mumbled, but I was grateful he cared about my well being.  
As I entered the ship I got pushed against the wall by a metal hand holding my collar. 'I do not want to be ordered around like some kind of guard dog or baby sitter. I don't know why you get to speak up like that or why you're so important, but I do not trust nor like it.' Phasma let go of me. I straightened my clothes, not intimidated. 'Don't worry about it Phas, I don't like this either. Let's just stay away from each other as much as possible.' Before waiting for a respond I headed off, to the control room of the ship, to Matt.

_I already do not trust that woman._


	28. Solo

Me and Matt were sitting in the control room, alone, we were the two most important persons in this ship, which felt very weird. 'This is weird, isn't it?' Matt looked up from his hands, 'huh, what is?' 'You know, being the most important persons on a mission. I'm not used to giving orders.' Matt nodded, 'yes... weird indeed...'  
Our useless conversation was interrupted by beeps and red alarm lights. Matt stood up quickly and looked at the screen in the panel. I stood up too, 'what is it?' His face looked very pale as he turned around, 'we're being robbed.' I knew that that happened more often, smugglers stealing First Order goods. Why would Matt be so concerned about it? I locked the door, 'we'll let the troopers handle it.' Both Matt and I watched what was happening, live on the screen. Gas filled the room, all stormtroopers blacked out. 'How is that possible? Those helmets are designed to protect you from every kind of gas.' Matt didn't listen to what I said, he even turned more pale. Two figures stepped from the gas, both wearing a gas mask. One was big and hairy, a Wookiee, the other one was an older man. 'Han Solo,' Matt mumbled to himself, emotionless. My eyes widened, it couldn't be, from all people it could not be Han Solo and his infamous Chewbacca. 'We need to stop them,' I rushed to the door and stepped in the hallway as the intruders took their masks off, he was right. Matt didn't doubt to take place next to me.  
'Chewie, take them out.' "Chewie" took his metal pipe and blew in it, aiming it at me. But the dart never hit me, Matt had pushed me out of it's way, instead he was hit. Matt immediately fell to the ground, 'no!' I checked his pulse, he was alive, but tranquillised.  
'Get up,' Solo directed his blaster in my direction. 'Be a nice girl and tell me, which way are the expensive goods?'  
I stood up, 'I will never tell you.' 'Look Chewie, she's a stubborn one.' He smiled and turned to "Chewie." But then, within a blink of an eye he turned back around and held his blaster against my head.  
'Your head or the heading, First Order lady.' I froze, not only because of his threat, but because of the fact his skills seemed familiar. I had only seen one person with these skills, Matt. _He will hear about this._  
I turned around and headed towards the supply room. I didn't saw nor hear Solo mumble, he looked at Matt, 'kid? No, that can't be...' he was ripped out of his thoughts by Chewie who motioned him to follow. Solo stood up and pretended like it never happened. I entered the code of the supply room, 'here it is.' Chewie rushed into the room and started taking the most expensive goods, Solo was still pointing his blaster at me. I quickly looked over my shoulder, trying to see if Matt was alright, but he was nowhere to be found. _How?_ I tried to suppress a smirk, he must have a plan. I started to distract Solo. 'You're Han Solo right? The smuggler and Resistance hero? And that must be Chewbacca.' I motioned at the beast, Solo just nodded. I examined him, he did look familiar, but I am 100% sure that I've never seen him before. I couldn't keep a certain thought out of my mind while I looked at the Solo, it kept haunting me, made me angry. 'What did you do,' I said bitter. Solo looked confused, 'I have done a lot of things in my life, you should be more specific.' He smirked, but I was planning on wiping his smirk away. 'What did you do to Ben Solo. How could the oh so kind Resistance hero raise such a... dark man.' Solo's face turned pale, 'I don't know how you know this, but it's none of your business.' _Oh it certainly is_ , I was furious. 'You don't deserve him as your son,' my voice sounded familiar emotionless. 'It was not my fault, I couldn't help it,' he said stubbornly, like he was lying to himself. 'Not your fault?! You're his father for crying out loud. Are you implying that it's his own fault he grew up to be the man he is today?' I don't know why, but I had to defend Kylo, I had to stand up for him, since I had the feeling no one else did. I don't know his whole backstory, I had only heard rumours, but that didn't matter to me.  
I'm sure that no one is born evil, it's made.  
'I don't know what went wrong okay?! We tried to raise him as a normal kid, which didn't work out. So we brought him to his uncle Luke to train him, which didn't work out great either. I just wanted a normal life with a normal kid...' he sounded helpless and lost. Somehow it calmed me down, 'first of all, start to find out where it went wrong, maybe you weren't there when he needed you the most...'

Our revealing conversation was interrupted by none other than a furious Kylo Ren. _What the fuck is he doing here?_ Chewbacca had already left with the expensive goods, so Han was on his own. 'Han Solo.' Han turned pale as Kylo activated his cross-guard lightsaber. His free hand turned into a fist, what seemed to be his trademark.  
'You don't need to do this son... think of the girl, she cares about you,' he made calming gestures with his hands. 'I have no intention to kill you, for now,' Kylo's voice sounded unpredictable, it was impossible to hear his emotions.  
It felt like I was watching a movie, this couldn't be real, the famous Han Solo facing his son. I could only stand there and watch. 'How are you going to talk yourself out of this, this time hm? It's hard to talk yourself over that you did the right thing, you must have learned that by now,' Kylo swirled dangerously with his lightsaber. That's when I unfroze, I stepped between them, 'he doesn't have to.' Kylo looked down at me, more intimidating than ever, 'what are you doing?' I heard something like confusion in his voice, but also irritation. 'I'm stopping you from making a big mistake,' I said with more confidence than I really had. 'You don't know what that man made me go through,' Kylo stepped closer, deactivating his lightsaber. 'That's true, I don't, but don't make it worse, you will only have to go through more if you do this.' I collected all the confident I had left and stepped closer to Kylo, placing my forehead against his, well where it should be if he wouldn't be wearing a helmet. I closed my eyes.  
And that was all it took for the Wookiee to knock Kylo out with the end of some kind of huge blaster. First I felt a raging pain in the back of my head, before everything turned black.


	29. Escape

I woke up, I felt something metal against the back of my head. When I looked down I saw old fashion ropes around my body, I was tied up against someone else. Our wrists and waists were tied against each other.  
I tried to turn my head, but I could only see the shape of a black figure. I remembered what happened: I gave the intruders the chance to overpower us, and now I was tied up against Kylo Ren. _Aight, this is how I die. When Kylo wakes up he will be furious and he will end my life. I felt him move. Goodbye dear world._  
Kylo seems to try to bring his hands up to his head, my arms got pulled back since our arms were tied together. I heard a robotic sigh after he stopped trying. 'I'm so sorry master Ren. It's all my fault, I should not have interfered with something that was none of my business,' I tried to lighten his possible anger. I couldn't hear if he was angry with me or not, 'we both made mistakes. We will pretend that it never happened, let the past be the past. Now we need to get out and see what damage has been done.' I thanked the gods for Kylo's solution and decision not to kill me. 'Of course, what you wish master Ren,' I tried not to sound too thankful. 'You can stop with the "master", I won't kill you,' he said as if it was the most normal case of the world. I highly doubted if Kylo was so non-tantrumish towards his other employees. 'Could you use your Force powers to break us out?' I motioned the ropes and the door of the small room we were in, it seemed like some kind of broom closet. 'Of course,' he said, with confident in his powers. I waited, but nothing happened. 'Ehm? Are you trying?' 'Of course I'm trying, do you think I like to be stuck in a broom closet?!' Kylo started to lose his patience since his powers didn't want to work. 'Does he think he can hold me, like some kind of beast?!' Kylo started to make a lot of movements, trying to break the ropes, which was impossible. I felt him getting more and more frustrated. 'What's wrong Kylo?' I tried to ask as calm as possible. 'I can't use the Force...' he stopped moving. 'There must be an explanation...' I looked at the floor, there was some kind of weird glimmering dust... 'maybe this has to do anything with it,' I motioned the dust. 'Of course... he used kyberdust. This immobilises my powers as long as I'm in this room.' _They wanted to keep him in here as long as possible... why? To have a head start? Or because they didn't want to hurt him..._ I looked at the lock of the door, I recognised the model as a standard First Order one. 'I might be able to unlock the door by hacking it, but I need to get there first,' I explained him. Before I knew it, Kylo tried to stand up, but immediately dropped again. 'Too unbalanced...' he mumbled. I understood what he meant, 'we need to stand up together, we have to work together.' I'm not afraid of Kylo Ren, I had seen him act normal and less brooding, but I do am afraid of his temper, he's sometimes incapable of controlling his emotions I had learned. I didn't know if he agreed with the plan, there was one way to find out. I slowly tried to raise up from the ground... I felt Kylo do the same. We almost stood up straight when I dropped again because my arms weren't balanced. 'Sorry, my arms weren't balanced enough,' I mumbled. Kylo (to my surprise) carefully took my hands with his, and held my arms in the right position. We tried again, and this time it worked. 'A little closer...' I mumbled while we walked towards the lock. '...stop.' It was hard, since my arms were tied against Kylo's, to open the panel of the lock, but I was able to do it. There were several wires visible, I managed to connect the right ones, it was like robbing a vehicle. The door opened, Kylo quickly dragged me outside, where he broke the ropes within a second. I rubbed my, finally, free wrists. Kylo seemed to be his contained self again, after he finally left the small "cage". I ignored the fainted stormtroopers while heading towards the surveillance camera's. I cringed as I rewatched the tape. After we were knocked out, Kylo was carried in the Wookiee's arms and I in Han's as they took us to the small closet. I couldn't exactly see what happened inside the closet, but I could see a glimpse of Han stroking Kylo's helmeted head before he left the room. It felt weird to watch something so private, and how carefully Han and Chewie had carried us... I also noticed that they hadn't taken anything extra after they locked us up. Kylo entered the room and I quickly stepped back from the panel. 'And?' 'They left right after they locked us up, they didn't take anything extra.' I quickly left the room when noticing Kylo was going to watch the tapes, I didn't want to be there when he saw it.

I waited outside the room, I had to wait for orders. I heard a loud sound coming from the control room, Kylo had punched the wall. I didn't know if it was because of anger or sorrow.


	30. Forbidden treasure

I was holding the little bag in my pocket. Why did I take it? Why would I? It feels like I betray him by having it. I looked around to see if no one was watching and took the small bag out of my pocket. I checked if the containment was still there and not had vanished, not that it could be possible. In my eyes you could see the reflection of the glimmering dust. Kylo had ordered me to collect and destroy it, so no one could use it against him again. But for the first time in my life I didn't obey, I had collected it and kept it in the small bag I was holding. I got hypnotised as I looked at the glimmering kyberdust, so beautiful but yet so dangerous. In the wrong hands it could be used to overpower Jedi... or Sith. I didn't know why I took it, why I broke Kylo's trust, it had seemed like it had spoken to me, telling me to keep it. And I was too weak to disobey, or was I too strong to just follow orders and be sure not to get killed... I don't know the answers, all I know is that I was hiding in a small corner of the ship, looking at my forbidden treasure. It felt so wrong, yet so right. Why wouldn't I be allowed to have something to protect myself, Kylo had his Force powers, I deserve to have protection too. But protection against who?

I quickly hid the bag when I heard someone calling, '(Y/n)?!' Phasma stepped around the corner. 'What are you doing here?' she pronounced word for word, something I noticed she liked to do, as if speaking to a child. 'Hiding from my dangerous guard dog of course, but I forgot she has an incredible nose, I must give her that,' I said bitter. On our whole way Phasma had acted like some kind of spy, following my every movement, which annoyed me very much. Stupid Armitage. 'And what are you doing here?' I couldn't suppress my curiosity, Phasma had followed me all day indeed, but she never actually spoke. 'Master Ren would like to speak you. Even though I don't know what he sees in you, scum,' her voice sounded as robotic as always. 'Oh, so now I'm on Resistance niveau, scum hm.' Phasma didn't say a thing and just started walking to the control room. Luckily she wasn't allowed to enter. I glanced one last time at her before entering.

My frustration and confidence was all gone the second I was alone in the room with the mighty Kylo Ren, whom I had disobeyed, a life threatening action. I prayed with everything I had that he wouldn't be able to read my mind. I really have respect for him, that's why I don't understand why I disobeyed him, but I don't want to get killed for listening to fricking dust.  
This was one of the moments I wished I could go back, back to the moments me and Kylo were comfortable. I don't know what happened that distanced us, maybe we had never been close at all. He's probably just nice to me because of Matt, right?  
'Why so stiff?' I realised I hadn't said a word and that my whole body was tensioned. 'I'm sorry, commander. I just had a little argue with Phasma,' I made up. 'Why is it you summoned me?' The worst possible scenario entered my mind, 'there isn't anything wrong with Matt, right?' I hadn't been allowed to enter the infirmary where Matt lied, every single stormtrooper had awaken, but he was the only one who didn't leave the infirmary. Which was a shame because I really wanted to be with him, tell him everything even though I couldn't, asking him about how he and Han had the same blaster skills, asking if he knew why and how Kylo was here so sudden...  
Kylo made a calming gesture with his hand, 'no, nothing is wrong with Matt. I just wanted to know if you destroyed the kyberdust.' I felt my heart stung, 'I have.'

'Why do you have to go? Can't they sent someone else? You aren't even fully tutored.' It had been two days since we came back and I finally had the chance to speak with Matt about everything, but before I could speak he had told me about his mission. 'Kylo personally asked me, and I think it's an honour,' Matt said stubbornly. 'But Matt you just have been released from the infirmary, and I have so much to discuss with you.' I tried to convince him not to go, but he had already his mind made up. 'You know I have to go, can you please not, ehm, make it any harder.' He scratched the back of his head. He pretended like it was an honour to go with Kylo Ren on a mission, but deep down I knew it was hard for him to leave. Yes he had been taking distance, and I still don't know why, but he also still cares about me. Maybe he took distance because he thought he wasn't worthy enough, which would be a typical Matt thing, thinking that he's not worthy enough and only admiring Kylo Ren. But I knew he was worthy, worthy all the love I could offer him, he just had to allow himself to. But I didn't want to push him, I wanted him to find out himself, with a little help of me of course. But if he's always gone I can't help him. 'Okay, but the second you're back you will make time to talk. Weird saying that as a mentor towards her student.' Matt chuckled, he always loved my small comments. 'I promise,' out of the ordinary it was him who took me in his embrace. I allowed myself to let my guard down and just enjoy the moment while being save in his hold. His strong arms, and surprisingly broad chest made contact with my body as he held me close and placed his chin on my head, 'I promise...'


	31. Downwards

'I promise I'll be back as soon as possible.' He hugged me a little harder before letting go. 'Matt, you know that that depends on Kylo Ren.' Matt half shrugged, 'Kylo is always fast with his mission, thanks to his strong Force powers.' I stroke a curly hair that lay in front of his glasses away, 'of course, whatever you say Matt.'

I had to admit that I would feel better if I knew where he would be going, would it be save? Yes Kylo Ren is with him, but Kylo can't always look after him.  
I waited on the docks together with Karen, wanting to see the ship leave, but it didn't. Instead Kylo Ren walked out of it. Was there something wrong? Kylo was heading in our direction. _Did he found out about the kyberdust?_ Luckily he didn't. 'I wanted to inform you about the whereabouts of the mission.' I was surprised he wanted to tell me that. 'Omg, commander Ren what an honour!!' Kylo turned to Karen, 'could you please leave.' _Please? Since when does Kylo ever says please._ 'Yes of course, commander,' said Karen slimy. Karen whispered something in my ear before heading off, 'he's the only one I would share my muffin with, I mean look at him.'  
I waved her off, her eyes didn't leave Kylo as she walked away. Kylo turned to me again.  
'We are going to follow a lead on the missing map to Luke Skywalker. It won't take very long.'  
 _Such important, secret information... why does he tell me this?_  
'Why do you tell me this?' The words had left my lips before I could think them through. To my surprise he wasn't angry with my curiosity. 'I want you to know Matt will be save, that you do not need to worry about him.' Despite his helmet I could feel his gaze examining my face, I wondered what was going on in his mind.

Kylo couldn't stop himself, he didn't want to leave me alone, maybe he was overprotective. He couldn't suppress his gloved hand from stroking my jawline. A shiver went through my spine as his hand gently made contact with my jaw, _why was he acting like this? And why was I enjoying it? Why didn't it feel wrong?_ Normally in this kind of situation you should step back, but I couldn't. It took a moment for Kylo to realise what he was doing. He quickly removed his hand, 'I have to go,' he mumbled before walking off with fast strides, his cape floating behind him, which suited his dark aura.  
 _What in the Force's name did just happen._

The next few days everything went downwards.  
Small things like fixing ships and fixing gas leaks went wrong. First it looked fine, but after a day everything broke again. I didn't know why, I did everything like I always do it, but my reputation as technician was going downwards, really really down. I knew I had to do something special to secure my position. So I had worked on an updated stormtrooper helmet, one that could protect you from any kind of gas. I was now on my way to the conference room to show the results.  
When I entered the room I saw several high commanders and Phasma sitting at a long table, with Armitage at the head. 'Ah (Y/n) good to see you again, what is it you wanted to show us?' Unlike probably many others, Armitage's voice had a calming effect on me. I had lost a lot of confidence since all those little accidents, they were just small, but still I couldn't forgive myself. 'I have made a new model stormtrooper helmet to protect you from any gas, even the kind the smugglers used on us a week ago.' I looked around the room, I knew I couldn't make any mistakes now, it was all or nothing. 'Come on, we don't have all day,' Phasma's irritatingly voice interrupted the silence. 'I-I need someone to test it, to show that it works, any volunteers?' But of course no one wanted to volunteer, they had all heard about the small incidents. My shoulders lowered... 'I'll test it.' The red head stood up from his seat, I couldn't suppress to smile. Phasma stood up too, 'general we can't risk-.' Armitage interrupted her by holding his hand up. I felt several amused and irritated gazes fall upon me, a girl who the unforgiving general Hux stood up for. I handed him the helmet, I waited for him to put it on before explaining how it works. 'I will hold this bottle with gas in front of the breathing system, nothing will happen if it works.' I took the small bottle out of my pocket, 'and if it doesn't?,' asked a commander eagerly. 'Then he will faint, nothing more, but nothing should happen.' I opened the bottle and made sure I held it far enough away from me. Gas escaped and made its way to Armitage. _Everything will be fine, it works, like every other invention of mine._  
But it didn't work, after a while Armitage dropped unconscious back in his seat. I closed the bottle and rushed towards him, but someone grabbed my wrist and stopped me, 'let me go, I need to help him.' The hand turned me around and I stood face in face with Phasma, 'I think you have done enough.' I could only watch how they removed the helmet from his head, his lips were slightly blue because of him being short on air.  
What happened next was all a blur.  
Doctors had rushed into the room and had placed a breathing device over his mouth, luckily he started to get his normal colour again. Then they placed him on a stretcher and carried him away to the infirmary.  
The next thing I know is that I was sitting on the edge of my bed, head in my hands, I got suspended for at least a month.


	32. Everything was going to be alright

I got suspended for a month and now had to do all kinds of cleaning stuff. I was at the moment moping the floor together with some others who had been suspended. We never spoke and just looked at the floor while doing our job, until this newbie came, an optimistic one. She had tried to start conversations with the others, but everyone ignored her, that's why I decided to talk back. 'You're (Y/n) right?' I looked up from the floor, she had brown hair and brown eyes. 'Ehm yes. Who are you?' A smile covered her face, happy that she could finally talk to someone. 'I'm AG-143, but you can call me Angel.' I stood straight and stretched my back, 'AG-143 hm, are you a trooper?' Angel slightly tilted her head, 'not exactly. I do have the uniform and everything, but I only guard the cells including its prisoners.' I took my mop and returned back to work. 'Why did you get suspended?' She asked me curiously. 'Ehm... just a little accident with an invention of mine... involving a certain general.'  
'Oh yes I heard something like that, I got suspended for giving extra food to the prisoner and-.' But I didn't listen anymore, my mind was wondering about Armitage. I never visited him on the hospital wing, I only heard rumours about his health, some said he was deathly ill and others said he was already better, maybe he had already been released from the infirmary. I felt so guilty for what happened, he wanted to help by testing my invention with as result needing to be taken to the infirmary, I didn't even had the guts to face him... he was probably furious with me.  
I got ripped out of my thoughts by Angel, pointing to a familiar red head and his army of officers. 'Isn't that general Hu-.' 'Shhht,' I placed my finger in front of my mouth. 'I don't want him to see me.' I tried to hide behind Angel. In vain. Someone tapped my shoulder, and of course it was Armitage. 'Ahem, I heard (Y/n) got suspended, do you know where I can find-.' I turned my head, allowing him to see it was me. 'Found me,' I didn't dare to look straight at his face, instead I thought that the wall behind him looked very interesting. '(Y/n)...' I looked up in his eyes, I expected to see cold stone hard eyes, maybe even with a little anger in them, but instead I found soft, even slightly relieved eyes. He placed his hand on my chin, lifting it up so I would have to fully face him, no chance of looking away. 'I understand if you're angry and if you never want to -.' What he did next was against all my expectations, he made me shut up by kissing me, in front of everyone. My lips moved in sink with his, his lips were surprisingly soft for someone so hard. _Wait what am I doing?!?!_ It felt wrong, but in desperate times like these, wrong felt right. But I knew I had to make a decision, to continue this or not. Armitage stepped back before I could make the decision, it now was something for later worry. I awkwardly scratched my neck, a habit from Matt I had copied, 'so you're not angry with me?' He took my hands and held it in his, 'I could never be angry with you. It was just an accident.' I smiled a genuine smile, 'I'm sorry that I didn't visit you in the infirmary, I was just... too afraid for what I might had done. I will make sure that when I reclaim my prototype, that I will find out what was wrong with it.' Armitage caressed my hands with his thumbs. 'That's for later worry. First I want to take you away from this... this low grade place. I can't believe you got suspended and had to do this filthy job, the one who assigned you this will personally-.' I shushed him, 'it's alright, I made a fault and had to make it right, I'm already grateful that I no longer have to do it and that you're healthy.' Now it was Armitage's turn to send me a smile, 'what you wish dear.'  
I felt Angel's and the other's gazes tare holes in my back. Not that it mattered to me, everything was going to be alright.  
I thought wrong.

It wasn't part of Armitage's plan to kiss (Y/n), he had to distance from her for goodness sake. But when he saw how lost she was, he just couldn't stop himself... nothing in his life had felt so right.

On our way to, who knows where Armitage had wanted to take me, someone stopped him. 'General, I have the order to retrieve (Y/n).'  
My heart dropped, if Armitage didn't know about this it could never be something good.  
Armitage's eyes immediately turned harsh, 'why.' It wasn't a question, it sounded more like an accusation. 'Ehm, sir, she needs to face court. Her position is high enough for a fair trial instead of just execution. Which is pretty rare because normally when someone with a high position makes a mistake, he or she instantly gets killed.' _Court? Trial? Execution?!_ 'Trial?! Trial?! 'What trial, I dropped all charges against her problem about the little accident,' he sounded shrill.  
'We got an anonymous tip about her past.'  
I was officially doomed.


	33. Trial

'What could possibly be bad about her past?' Armitage was still overwhelmed by this news. The officer turned to me, 'we will find out soon enough.'

It was a huge imposant black room, with First Order banners in the back. In the back there was a raised desk, which I assumed was for the judge. I had to take place behind one of the two tables, there were two seats, I wondered for who the other seat was meant. Who would even want to help me, if this case is about what I think it is, I'm doomed. Who else than Armitage would take seat next to me. He took my hand in his and squeezed it, 'I don't know who accused you or why you're here, but I promise that I will help you out.' That really calmed me, Armitage was probably the most smart and cunning person in this whole room. An ageing man in the same kind of uniform as Armitage took place behind the raised desk. I didn't had to wait long to see who sued me.  
A tall stormtrooper in full chrome armour entered the room, accompanied by a short rat like man. They took place behind the other desk, I glanced at Phasma, with more hate than ever. Her robotic voice spoke, 'I am here in name of the accuser, he or she wanted to remain anonymous.' Of course the real accuser didn't have the guts to show up, and Phasma loving this makes it even worse.

'What is the accusation Phasma?' The rat man wanted to speak, but Phasma pushed him back down and stood up, 'I am informed that (Y/n) worked for her father Nicolai (Y/-.' I stood up and interrupted her, 'don't you dare to say that name!' All the bad memories came back, I felt anger, how dared she. Armitage pulled me back down, 'remain calm.' I mumbled some curses in their direction. The judge sent me a foul glance and turned back to Phasma, 'please continue.' Phasma grated her throat before continuing, 'Nicolai is a well known Resistance rebel, he produces a huge amount of their ships. My informant told me that our head technician (Y/n) here helped him doing so. What means she helped the Resistance, which is treason.' I felt Armitage tension next to me, which couldn't mean anything good. 'Is that true miss (Y/n)?'  
I stood up and felt Armitage's hopeful look, I hated to let him down. 'It's true...' I saw his shoulders lower. '...but, it wasn't my choice. I lived on Corellia, which is well known for building ships, how could I know that I was working on one of their ships.' I sat back down, I heard Armitage mumble something like 'smart move.'  
Now it was Phasma's turn to protest, 'I heard she even added some upgrades to the ships, which weren't included to the deal.' I didn't know what to say, it was true, I always tried to make work less boring. Luckily Armitage knew what to say, his words really touched me. 'That could be true. (Y/n) is a wonderful technician who is very proud of and good in her job. If you were a technician genius, forced to work on silly projects not knowing for who it was in the first place, and you were bored to hell, wouldn't you make your work less boring? Making everything better? We should be happy to have her on our side. We probably wouldn't even be here, on this majestic weapon, if it wasn't for our dear technician (Y/n). I think these silly accusation from a long time ago don't mean anything compared to what she did for the First Order.' Armitage sounded stern, as if he wouldn't allow any form of contradiction. Full of himself he sat back down, I suppressed the urge to hug him into oblivion.  
'Is there a respond from your side?' The judge really seemed to be on Phasma's side. 'She might or might not have helped building this base, but that doesn't hide the fact she tried to hurt our most important general, general Hux.'  
I felt myself disappear in my seat.  
Armitage turned pale, 'is that true general?' He tried to neaten his hair, but I was already as neat as it could be, 'there indeed was a little accident with an invention, but as I said, it was an accident. I dropped all charges against her.'  
'It really sounds like treason if you ask me, maybe she's plotting on killing the general. We can't be sure enough.' If it wasn't for Armitage's hand on my lap, pushing me down, I would have charged at Phasma, showing her what a real attempt on taking someone's life is.  
The judge sat back, 'I have heard enough for now. The possible punishment will be announced later.'  
Before I knew it, two stormtroopers took my arms and dragged me with them. I heard Armitage's high voice before they closed the door behind us, 'you can't do this, she is innocent and way above you, you stupid-.'

They dragged me all the way down to the cell hall where they threw me in a dark cell. Everything in me was shut off, I could only think one thing, over and over again.

_You can run as fast as you can, but the past will always catch up with you._


	34. Captive

The first few days were horrible, well days... I didn't really know how long I had stayed here already, there was no window or anything, but I did figure out that I get three meals a day. I calculated that I was here for about three days now. I was bored to hell, I had seen no one in the past few days, the only thing that accompanied me were my thoughts, and they weren't very positive. I kept seeing Armitage's unconscious face, worrying about Matt, and even think about Kylo. Never in my life had I felt so tired, dark, lost and alone, just sitting in the dark corner of my small cell.  
But then things started to slightly change, one day I got a piece of bread instead of the goo I usually got. I even got an apple last night, well... I think it was night. So I decided to speak up to the trooper who gave me my food.  
The trooper entered the cell with the usual grey tray in his or her hands, this time there was a bottle of orange juice extra. The trooper placed the tray on the small table in the cell, which was moreover the only furniture besides my mattress. He or she nodded in my direction, which was in the corner of the room, and turned back to the exit. 'Who are you, and why are you helping me?' My voice sounded a little dry because of the short on water. The trooper turned around, hands went to the helmet. Brown hair fell over her shoulders and her brown eyes were visible. 'I think I'll never learn from my mistakes hm?' Angel's voice sounded like music in my ears, finally someone I knew. I had felt so lonely and lost that I couldn't stop myself from rushing towards her and hugging her. She hugged back, understanding my situation. When she stepped back she spoke again, 'I can't stay here for long, you will have a visitor this evening.' I nodded, 'of course, I don't want you to lose your job. I'm sorry that I just left you while you was still suspended, that wasn't very polite of me.' Angel shrugged, 'forgiven and forgotten,' _she really deserves her nickname_. 'You said visitor, who would want and is allowed to visit me?' I already knew the answer the second I asked the question, there was only one person on this base right now who had a position high enough and cared about me. 'General Hux,' she answered. I didn't knew what Armitage was going through, but I didn't want him to feel even worse. 'Could you... smuggle some extra water, I don't want Hux to hear/see me like this...' Angel nodded, 'of course, it's the least I can do.' I sent her a genuine smile, 'you're too kind.'

I was waiting for Armitage, Angel had kept her promise and had delivered me the extra water. The door of the cell opened and light filled the room. Armitage entered, he seemed to be in a worse state than me. His hair wasn't as neat as usual it was less fiery red, he even had a slight stubble beard and his green eyes had huge bags underneath them. We both didn't say a word as he helped me up and embraced me. It was the first time in days I felt less alone and lost, I even felt warmth. My mind was less clouded. When he stepped back, after a long while, his voice didn't sound as hard or stern as usual. 'Oh (Y/n) I'm so sorry, I couldn't protect you. I couldn't protect you from my own damn organisation.' He dropped himself on the mattress and placed his head in his hands, rubbing his tired eyes. I took place beside him and rubbed his back, calming him down. When he looked up from his hands I saw tears in his eyes, but they didn't drop.  
'Why are you so kind? Why would you always try to fix a broken man, even if he's going to be crushed over and over again anyways?'  
Armitage was referring to himself, but my answer was meant for both him and Kylo.  
'Because some people are worth fixing, especially if they keep getting crushed. They are the diamonds in the rough. You can crush them all you want, but they will never break.' The words came from somewhere deep down inside me, not knowing they existed. I tried to neaten Armitage's hair. 'Do you really think that?' his eyes showed strength again. 'If I wouldn't think that, why would I have said it?' Armitage shook his head and stood up, pacing in circles. 'I can't allow this to happen, there must be something I can do...' _there is the strong Armitage Hux I know_. I stood up too and leaned against the wall, 'what is the status, what does the judge say?' Armitage stopped pacing. 'He said that the Supreme Leader will make the decision about your faith. I have spoken with the Leader...'  
I tried to read Armitage's eyes, which was as impossible as always, 'and?' He shook his head, 'he said that people like you are just like knifes. You use them until they are blunt, then you throw them away and replace them...  
But I didn't agree, I said that knifes could be sharpened, why would you replace a good knife...' I was blown away, 'did-did you say that out loud? Did you spoke up to the Supreme Leader?' Armitage snorted, 'of course I did, who or what do you think I am.' I ignored the fact that I was probably helplessly lost, and just admired Armitage's care for me. 'Wow, I didn't know you, you would do that...' Armitage bridged the space between us and pushed my chin up, something he seemed he liked to do.  
'I would do anything for you, destroy planets, vanish armies, rule galaxies, literally anything you could possibly imagine...' he placed his forehead against mine, I closed my eyes, I felt safe even though I knew I wasn't, I allowed the illusion to exist a little longer...  
'I promise I will get you out, one way or another.'  
Our moment was interrupted by a male guard who had the order to call the general back, 'you are needed general Hux.'  
I swear that if his eyes could kill the stormtrooper was in the core of the planet by now. He gave me a fast kiss on my forehead before turning around, 'I promise...'

After a few days of hearing nothing from Armitage I felt lost once again.


	35. Not how I left her

After two days the cell door opened again and light filled the room, that meant I had a visitor. But it wasn't who I expected nor liked. 'Are you here to mock me?' My voice sounded emotionless. 'No, I am here to explain you some things I think you'd like to know before the execution.' I could hear in her voice that she spoke the truth. 'Spit it out Phasma.' I swear I could feel her smirk. 'First of all, I want to compliment you. You are a good technician, it was hard to undo your work...' I rushed up and grabbed the bars of my cell, trying to come as close to her as possible. She wasn't intimidated at all. 'Yes, I am the one who destroyed all your hard work, so it would look like you had lost your "touch."' She took the stormtrooper helmet which she had been holding behind her back and handed it to me. 'It wasn't very hard to remove the filter of your little invention. I have to admit that it worked, a good piece of tech, if it wasn't for me.' I examined the improved helmet I had made and now saw that the breathing filter had been removed, that's why Armitage's lips had turned blue. 'Since all your previous projects had failed, who else but Hux would dare to try it?' I dropped the helmet and tried to grab her throat, but she was out of my range, 'YOU-YOU HOW DARE YOU!' Phasma ignored my accusation, 'finding out about your past was the hard part, but there isn't much you can't find in the First Order archives. I went to Corellia myself and spoke with your father, don't worry I didn't kill him, that would make things too easy for you...' I dropped against the bars of my cell, it was a master plan, and it would get me killed. My throat was soar, all I could say was, 'why?'  
'Lets just say I don't like scum.'

Kylo's PoV

I had come back from my mission, dead end, again. I was already in my Matt disguise so I could immediately go to (Y/n). I wanted to go to her as fast as possible, I _needed_ to go to her as fast as possible. I headed towards an officer holding a holopad. 'Where can I find the head technician?' The officer looked up from his pad, 'huh? What head technician, I didn't know th-.' I had no time for this nonsense and held my hand up, '(Y/n).'  
I could see the officers eyes lit up, knowing who I was talking about, 'oh... she's in one of the cells, cell 2187 if I'm correct.' I had felt something was off the moment I had landed on Starkiller, but I did certainly not expect to hear this. I felt panic but mostly rage fill my head. Instead of asking more about her situation, I brutally walked past the officer towards the cell block.

Two stormtroopers were guarding her cell, or better, standing in my way. I walked past them, but they stopped me.  
'Halt, you aren't allowed in here,' they said in unison. I lost my last bit of temper, and because of my desperate state, which I didn't know I was in, forgot about my disguise. 'Who do you think you are talking to?!' The stormtrooper seemed to be in a jolly mood. He grabbed his armour on the place of his nuts, 'to deez nuts,' and laughed. The other trooper remained silent, noticing my bad mood. But I didn't think it was funny, nothing was funny, my (Y/n) was locked up and I didn't even know why. 'LET ME GO THROUGH, I AM-, ugh, you idiot,' I almost revealed my real identity.  
'Ha ha, idiot indeed,' the jolly trooper whispered to the other one, but hard enough for me to hear it. Oh, he would pay, just not yet. Luckily the other trooper was smarter and more helpful, 'only commanders can enter, maybe if you can ehm get one?' I slightly calmed down and came back to my senses. I made a sharp turn and walked away with the fastest strides possible.

I had changed my Matt look for my full black uniform and helmet. When I came back at the cell, the two stormtroopers saluted. I never so much as turned my head and the jolly trooper crashed against the wall, collapsing onto the floor, without even the smallest hand movement. I rushed past them and opened the cell with the motion of my hand.

(Y/n)'s PoV

I had heard riot outside my cell, then it was silent for a while, but soon suddenly light filled my cell and the door opened. I didn't even had the time to see who it was or at least stand up, when someone took me in her/his arms. It didn't take me long to recognise the black outfit and eventually I saw his helmet. But I didn't end the embrace, what did it matter that it was the dark Ren? He was here for me, maybe I could be saved. 'Oh Kylo, you don't even know the slightest of how happy I am to see you.' I felt his arms pulling me closer, closer than anyone had ever took me. He carefully pulled me down with him, so we both sat on the mattress. I placed my head on his shoulder. 'What happened?' Was all he could manage to say, I still heard anger in his voice, but it was mastered by relief. 'Someone tricked me, tricked us all, and now I will be executed...' saying the words out loud made it even more real, it made me feel vulnerable. Tears almost left my eyes, I didn't had to keep up the strong face for now, Kylo was there to protect me. Kylo noticed my vulnerable state and placed his arm around me. I got covered by his warm cloak as he pulled me against him in a comfortable position. I felt so warm and save, but also tired... maybe just maybe I could close my eyes, just for a split moment...


	36. Rescue

When I woke up I no longer felt Kylo beside me, but he did left his cloak with me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, I was immediately awake when I saw lightsaber tracks all over the walls of my cell, even the little table hadn't survived Kylo's anger attack. In my moment of safety I had forgotten about Kylo's emotional problems and tantrums, I could even swear that they were getting less, but what do I know. I took Kylo's cloak and wrapped it around me, winters on Starkiller were almost unbearable especially in a cold cell. After what seemed like an hour, Angel came close to the cell, but she did not enter like normally. 'I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to enter your cell anymore.' She shove the food tray between the bars of my cell. Instead of leaving she leaned against the wall, examining the lightsaber tracks on the walls. Hearing her next words she apparently hadn't noticed I was wearing Kylo's cloak. 'Kylo is a real ass. He killed my guard buddy, without a reason or saying a word. He stayed here real long, longer than allowed. What did he do? Why did he enter your cell? To interrogate you?' She asked eagerly, motioning the gashes in the cell walls. I was surprised by what she told me, usually if Kylo kills someone he does it with a clear reason, he seemed so not murderous when visiting me... but I decided to play along, I was doomed anyway. And I could use some fun and gossips.  
'Oh yes, he's a real dick. He interrogated me using his Force powers, it was gruesome. He got angry when he couldn't get the information he wanted and destroyed the cell,' I made up. Angel looked around before coming closer to the cell bars, so no one would be able to hear us. 'Me and a couple of others have started a group, the AR, Anti-Ren. It's led by Tim, a stormtrooper from the 501st legion. Our motto/quote is: Kylo Ren straight up sucks. Would you like to join?'  
I hadn't had this urge to laugh in a long time, I wished I could see Kylo's face if he finds out about this... it sounded kinda childish if you ask me. But that didn't stop me from saying, 'yes of course, if I ever get out of this cell and not get executed.'

Well... I did not expect that I had to keep that promise.

All the lights in Starkiller were off, someone had shut down the whole system. Guards were panicking. The perfect situation for a break out.  
That night someone with only a small technician flashlight, entered my cell. The mere amount of light reflected on a pair of familiar glasses. I held my hand in front of my eyes to stop the light, 'M-matt?'  
Matt pulled me up from my mattress, which I had been sleeping on, and took me in a passionate kiss. A wave of emotions struck me, I hadn't noticed that I needed him this bad, relief, happiness, all at once. I felt completed when being at his side, no one could hurt me, not Phasma, not the Supreme Leader, not anyone. I allowed myself to enjoy this feeling for a little longer, my hands roaming freely through his curly blond hair, before I stepped back, all serious again. I couldn't see his face, so I couldn't decipher his emotions. 'What are you doing here Matt? You aren't allowed in here.' I tried to look around to see any of the guards, but it was too dark. Wait- too dark? There are usually lights, even in the middle of the night. 'I have done a lot of things that aren't "allowed." Like shutting the whole system down. And freeing you of course.' My eyes widened, 'you did what?!' Instead of answering Matt took my hand and dragged me along, 'we don't have much time.' We ran through the halls, I had no idea where we were heading to, but apparently Matt did. During our escape I asked him a question that had been in my mind since Matt kissed me back in my cell. 'I thought you tried to take distance, what made you, obviously, change your mind?' I thought back of his soft lips, giving me a feeling no one else could. 'I think I distanced myself because I was too afraid, too afraid of my feelings, too afraid that I would lose the person closest to me. Again. But I'm not afraid anymore, I know it was a huge mistake. I now know that I could lose you any moment and that I don't want to spend any of them without you, I love you,' finally Matt had said it, the three magical words. I no longer cared about what the future may hold, knowing that I wouldn't face it alone, knowing that I wouldn't face it without my _missing piece._ 'I love you too Matt, you don't know half how happy I am that you finally allow yourself to love, and be loved. I will never leave your side, you will never have to get the feeling of loss again in your life.'

'There we are.' We had stopped in front of a ship I recognised as Kylo's TIE Silencer. 'But that is Kylo's ship.' Matt ignored that fact and helped me inside. 'So what, it was Kylo who told me about your situation. He doesn't mind about us, borrowing his ship.' Matt closed the entrance behind us. 'Who's going to drive it, I'm no pilot. And we have no time for improvisation, the First Order TIE Fighters will be on our heels.' Matt took place in the pilot's seat, 'I happen to be a great pilot, learned it from Kylo Ren himself.' I threw my hands up in the air, 'of course you are.' I buckled up in the passenger seat.

Hux stood on the bridge alone, looking at the leaving TIE Silencer, he was the only one not panicking. He immediately figured out it was Kylo who shut the system down, he was one of the few with authorisation to do so. Hux could have alarmed the troops to get after them, but why would he? He promised (Y/n) she would be free, that he would get her out one way or another, if this was the way so it would be... for now.


	37. Just like when I was young

We flied through the galaxy, to who knows where. A small planet entered my view, it seemed to be very green and peaceful, but it was surrounded by an asteroid field. 'Ehm Matt, you do see those asteroids right?' When Matt turned his head to me he didn't seem worried, in the contrary, he seemed to enjoy this, 'do you trust me?'  
I didn't doubt a second, 'with my life.' Matt smirked before focusing on the asteroid field again, 'good, that's indeed what's at stake.' Oh you- but my thoughts were interrupted by the fast turns the ship made, he easily avoided all the asteroids. Up, down, left, right, everything went in a swift motion, it wasn't even unpleasant... I quite enjoyed it too actually, not that I was going to admit that.  
Matt's piloting skills were very impressive, more than I'd like to admit out loud. He had so many hidden talents...  
 _Kylo must be a hell of a pilot if he was able to teach Matt, of all people, to be as good as this._  
'He certainly is,' Matt hadn't even turned his head in my direction. I looked up, visibly confused, 'did I just say that out loud?' Matt kept looking forwards, as if hiding something, 'ehm... yes.' I rubbed my eyes, maybe it was from exhaustion, I had been sleeping bad lately. 'Weird, I really thought I didn't... Well it must be some weird temporal side effect of being stuck in a cell.' I tried to convince myself, but I still wasn't totally sure, I couldn't believe I said it out loud. 'Ehm, yes, that might be just it,' he muttered.

'Wow, this planet is beautiful.' Matt had landed the TIE Silencer in an open field, where I now stood. I admired the green grass and dark blue sky, it was about to get night on this planet. 'How did you know of its existence?' Matt had been smiling as he watched me admire the green, it wasn't something you usually see on the Starkiller planet. 'My parents and I didn't really had much vacations, but if we went somewhere it was here. The asteroid field is a very useful protection, only advanced pilots could enter this planet. My dad happened to be one.' I took place in front of Matt, looking straight in his eyes so I had more chance of reading his emotions. 'Are we really going to do this? Run, all our lives? I have learned that running from your past isn't possible, she always manages to keep up.' I felt my eyes turning watery, I really love Matt, but I don't like the thought of leaving my life behind, again. One of the things I love about Matt is how sensitive he is, he always noticed when I felt sad, and he always knew just how to patch me up. He placed his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, he gave me a kiss on my forehead before placing his chin on my head. 'I don't know what the future holds... but I can promise you that we will face it together, one step at a time. And maybe we can return to the First Order, but I think it's for the best if we both take a short break, I'm sure we can fix this. Aren't we the best technicians?' I felt him smile, I couldn't resist the urge to smile too. 'And if we're the best technicians... we'll fix this too, like all those times before. But you have to admit that you could never become such a great technician if it wasn't for your mentor,' I teased. But Matt wasn't easy to tease, 'yes, I don't know what I would do without Karen.' We both burst out into laughter.  
Matt stepped slightly back so he could see my face and I his, still holding my waist, 'see, there is that lovely smile again.'

Our plan was to stay here until things would calm down, and then (hopefully) go back to the First Order, but first we would let them realise what they were missing without us, they will need us to get back. A little voice in the back of my head whispered about Armitage, but I didn't doubt he could handle everything, he wasn't one to break.  
I was now gathering wood, Matt was setting up a tent he said he had brought, I could already imagine how he struggled to set it up on his own. A smile came upon my face, I realised that every time I thought of Matt, it would bring a smile on my face, he made me happy, truly happy.  
I came back with a pile of dry wood, Matt had kept his promise, he had even made a campfire next to the big, (of course) black tent. 'How did you do that? How did you start the fire?' I dropped the wood next to the campfire. 'Just luck I think.'  
I couldn't see the lightsaber he was hiding behind his back.

We were eating some bread (from the TIE emergency pack) and roasted squirrel meat, which Matt had shot with a blaster. 'This really reminds me of my time as a child, before trouble started,' Matt lied back in the grass, leaning on his elbows. 'Is that a good or a bad thing?' I asked curiously. 'With you, that's a good thing.' I carefully removed his glasses as I gave him a peck on the space between his eyes.

Suddenly the dark air started to drop water drops, first slow, but soon very fast, we were forced to get in the tent.


	38. Promise

We escaped the rain by going into the tent, and decided to just go to sleep. The tent was very dark, I couldn't see anything.  
We had only one two person inflatable mattress. I could barely see Matt's figure standing next to the other side of the mattress, I already lied under the blanket. 'Do you mind if I take the upper part of my uniform off? I always sleep shirtless.' I didn't mind, even I was sleeping in my uniform, without the jacket of course, which left me in a shirt. 'Do whatever you please.'  
Matt tried to lie as far from me as possible, so I wouldn't be uncomfortable, which I wasn't. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't, the blanket was too thin to protect me from the cold and my brain was still filled with questions. Oh, and the raging thunder wasn't really helping either, I could see the lightning strike from inside the tent. Suddenly I heard movements from Matt's side of the mattress. 'Are you afraid of thunder?' I was quite surprised by this unexpected question. 'Ehm, no. Why?' Matt tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, which he partly failed, 'ehm... I just thought, maybe if you were, I could protect you...' a smile crept upon my face. 'On second thought, I am afraid of thunder. Terrified even, it's the scariest thing that exists,' I tried to sound terrified. I heard Matt move, a moment later he pulled me against him, his arm around me, I placed my head on his bare chest. 'Do you feel safe now?' 'The safest person in the galaxy.'

I wasn't cold anymore, thanks to Matt, but I still couldn't sleep. I wondered if Matt was still awake, 'Matt?' 'Yes?' Matt toyed with a lost strand of my (h/c) hair. 'Why aren't you asleep?' It was midnight. 'I could ask you the same question.' I didn't reply, wanting an answer. I heard him sigh, 'I always had problem sleeping, ever since I was a child.' I could no longer contain the questions that were wondering in my head. 'Do you... know about Kylo's real name and past?' Matt nodded, 'I do.' He kept toying with my hair. 'Good to hear that I'm not the only one. I almost felt special.'  
Did I see that right or did my eyes deceive me, did Matt's cheeks just redden? I was probably mistaken... just the dark, toying with my vision.  
'You are special,' I jokingly slapped his arm, 'you slime ball.'  
I again tried to sleep, but my curiosity had won. 'How is he like?' I really had to learn how to contain my curiosity. 'Who?' And I had to learn that not everyone immediately knows what I'm talking about. 'You know, Kylo, Ben.' Matt remained silent for a while, I assumed he didn't want to talk about it. I was wrong. 'I know Kylo since a very young age. I knew him before he went to Luke Skywalker for his training.' He was silent again, thinking how to continue. 'We were both around ten... Kylo had always felt alone, an outsider. Not just from the other kids, but also from his parents. I remember one time we listened to the discussion his parents were having... they spoke about his problems, not like he was their son, but more as if he were a monster, a beast. After that, me and him got separated, he had to go to his uncle Skywalker, for his Jedi training. The first time I saw him again was when I joined the First Order.' Matt had stopped toying with my hair. 'I'm sorry to hear that, the poor boy... what happened to you when he left? Did you stay with Han? Is that where you learned how to use a blaster? I recognised the same blaster skills by Han... but you told me your father learned you that.' Again it was silent, as if it was a very difficult story to tell. 'After Kylo left I trained with Han, he was like a father to me. I had helped him smuggle, because I was small enough to get into small spaces. When I heard what happened to Kylo, I left and later I joined the First Order.'

Kylo knew that what he told her wasn't what really happened, what he did not know was that he was telling the truth, just not literally. Matt is a part of him, the more kind, loving part. It was true that "Matt" and "Kylo" separated when Kylo had to go to Luke Skywalker for his training, just not literally...

I no longer had questions, he had answered them all, but I didn't like the answers, poor Matt and Kylo...  
After a while I had finally formed an opinion, 'it must be hard, being the child of two heroes and even named after one. The bar must have been very high, wanting to match his parents and Obi Wan. I think that when he fell, he made the decision that he didn't want to match his parents anymore, instead he wanted to match Vader, their complete opposite. I think it was also hard for Kylo as a child that his parents were too self absorbed. They were probably too busy with being a hero that they weren't able to be the heroes their son needed them to be...'   
Despite the darkness I could see Matt's sad smile. 'Look what you have learned. When I first asked you about Kylo you didn't have a clue what to say, but now you understand him even better than his parents did...'  
I felt bad for Matt, he didn't had the best childhood and had to experience Kylo's, I wished we could just leave everything behind, I was sure Matt thought the same...  
'You know, sometimes I really wished I could let the past die... but the past is like a living creature, a fast one, one that doesn't want to die,' I whispered, without knowing why.  
'Why would the will of the past matter? Who cares if she doesn't want to die? Everyone dies one day,' Matt sounded stubborn, but more in a way to convince himself.  
'She doesn't die,' I stated sadly.  
'Then I'll make her, I kill her if I have to,' he sounded confident, more confident than I had ever heard him.  
'If you believe your able to do that, then I believe you.' I gave him a soft kiss on his lips and cuddled closer against him.

Without realising he made a promise to himself, a promise to her... one he would never break.


	39. Son? Mother?

Yesterday had been the first night I, purposely, fell asleep alongside Matt.  
The next morning we decided to go for a walk, maybe we could go to a lake or something. We walked over a path, trees protecting us from the warm sun. 'This is nice,' I felt the wind brush my hair. Matt couldn't keep his eyes off me, 'nice indeed.'  
And so we walked for a while until Matt suddenly spoke, frowning. 'Something is wrong, I can sense it.' I was about to make a comment on how he claimed he could "sense" anything and that it didn't make any sense, I noticed something was off too. 'What do you hear?'  
'Nothing,' my suspicion was confirmed. 'Exactly, nothing, where are the birds and other creatures?' Matt was about to open his mouth when a dozen of armed men jumped out of the tree line. Rebels.  
Matt took his blaster and started shooting, as did the rebels. Matt tried to shoot the rebels that attacked me, while I tried to fight them with my bare hands. But it was too much, Matt had to defend himself as they started to surround him, without Matt's protection the rebels dared to come close to me. One of them grabbed me from behind and held a weird smelling piece of fabric in front of my mouth and nose. Slowly everything turned black, I could hear Matt yell in the distance before I blacked out.

I woke up in a bright room, in a seat, at both sides one rebel with a blaster. In front of me sat an ageing woman, she still looked pretty for an elder woman, I guessed she must have looked beautiful when she was still young. I tried to stand up, but the guards pushed me back down. I glanced at both of them. They didn't reply, so I decided to interact with the woman instead. 'Who are you? Why do you keep me captive?' The woman waved the guards away, they took place next to the door. 'I am Leia Organa. We keep you captive because you might have some useful information, we recognised your ship.' I barely stopped my mouth from dropping open, _thé general Leia Organa?! As if faith wants me to meet both Kylo's parents._ She might be Kylo's mother, I had to protect the First Order. 'I won't tell you anything.' I sat back in my seat, stubbornly. 'I need you to-...' she stopped mid sentence and just stared at the unknown. 'You need me to?' Of course I was too curious.  
'my son, he's here...'  
'Your son? You must have two then, because your son is with the First Order. What is this for nonsense? Do you think you can fool me, is this some kind of weird interrogation?! It does nothing to me, Kylo doesn't mean anything to me.'  
Leia looked at me again, 'you care about him... he cares about you too, I can sense it...' I took the small blaster Armitage had secretly given me, when he visited my cell, and shot the two guards without hesitation. Leia was about to take her blaster but I shot it out of her hands within the blink of an eye. She held her hands up and made calming gestures, just like Han had done with Kylo, 'you're familiar fast.'  
I knew what I had to do to get out of here, out of this madness, to go save Matt. But I couldn't. 'You don't want to kill me...' I focused and pointed my blaster at her again, 'you don't know what I want!' Leia shushed, 'shht, that's true, I don't. I can do a lot with my powers, just not read your next move. But I know you won't kill me, something is holding you back...'  
A shadow of Kylo kept taunting my mind. I lowered my blaster. 'That's true, I won't kill you.' Leia lowered her arms, 'see, you're not evil, you're a good person.'  
'Don't tell me what I am and what I'm not, look what happened to Ben. I won't kill you, because it isn't my decision to make, it's Kylo's. So be grateful to him, not me, I am no one. I just follow orders.' Before I could decide what to do next, Matt entered the room, blaster in hand, he seemed like he had just shot his way in and had fought a dozen of people, sweat on his forehead, hair more tousled than normal. 'Don't you dare to touch her.' Matt gritted his teeth, his free fist clenched. I walked backwards, not letting Leia leave my view, to take place next to Matt. 'Don't worry, everything is under control. Leia was just about to leave, right?' I turned to Leia, but she didn't seem like she wanted to leave, her face was pale, shocked even. 'Right?!' She seemed to wake up from her shock. 'Come with me, before it's too late.' Her voice sounded pleading, but also demanding... sad even. I didn't share any of those emotions, I was filled with confusion. _What is this all about?!_ 'It's already too late,' Matt's voice sounded like it could break any moment, so fragile...  
Before I could ask what's going on, Matt shot the door lock with his blaster. A door separated me and Matt from Leia. I turned to Matt, my confusion replaced by anger, this all was just getting a little bit too much, no one could blame me right? 'What is this all about?! What are you not telling?!' Matt kept staring at the door, at the place Leia just stood. 'Matt?!!' Matt zapped up from his thoughts, 'ehm, what?' I threw my hands in the air, 'unbelievable.' I pinched the bridge of my nose, 'what. are. you. not. telling. me?' I pronounced word for word, as if speaking to a child. 'Nothing, we need to go back, more are incoming.' Matt was about to walk away, my anger turned into dispair, and I grabbed his forearm. 'Matt please, I can't help you if you don't let me.' I looked straight in his eyes, searching for any kind of emotion in those dark pits. Matt seemed his old self again, his walls built up high, 'she just doesn't like the fact I work for the First Order. She always cared for me since I was her son's only friend.' It sounded like the truth, I wished it was the truth, but deep down I already knew it wasn't. But I kept holding onto my motto, something that had helped me through my childhood, "if you believe in something hard enough, it will appear to be real." I let go of Matt's forearm, 'let's go.'


	40. Back to work

We had outran the rebels, and Matt had shot the ones guarding our ship. We quickly climbed aboard and Matt didn't even wait for me to buckle up as he already took off.

We were back on Starkiller, Matt had convinced me he could talk me innocent. Instead of bringing me to my cell, we entered Kylo's quarters. 'You stay here, and have some rest. I know you're tired. I will fix everything.' I only nodded, not even wondering how he could know I was tired, Matt gently stroke my jawline before he went off.  
I did what I was told, not that I was planning on being rebellious anyways, took my jacket off and crawled in the kingsize bed. I pulled the black sheets close, only my face was visible. _Okay, I am not going to whine about me having crappy furniture, but this bed... this is heavenly._ It didn't take long for me to fall asleep, on the so heavenly, yet dark coloured bed.

I slowly woke up by the feeling of a soft pair of lips on my forehead, which was right now the only part of me that was visible. _It's a damn good bed okay_. I pulled the sheets down, off my face, and saw a smirking Matt. 'Good morning sunshine. I see you slept well, in Kylo Ren's bed,' with emphasis on Kylo Ren. I snorted, 'leave me be okay.' I yawned and climbed out of my fortress of sheets. Matt placed a package of clothes on the bed, which brought me back to reality. 'And?' I asked eagerly, but preparing for a depressing reply. 'You can put your uniform back on, head technician, mentor of Matt the radar technician.' Matt smiled proud. In my happiness I jumped at Matt and took him in my embrace, 'thank you so much, I can't thank you enough.' After a while Matt patted my back, 'it's alright, it's the least I could do after leaving you alone. Now, get dressed, the bathroom is over there.' I took my uniform and headed to the bathroom Matt had pointed to.  
It wasn't a modest bathroom, it was gigantic, a bad tub, shower, sink, huge mirror, and everything was black. I saw several hair products, but I couldn't read their names.  
While changing outfit, I asked Matt how he had done it. 'Matt, how did you manage to talk me back into the First Order?' I looked at the majestic First Order logo on my jacket. 'Well... Kylo Ren was a little... rebellious during your absence. That made the Supreme Leader change his mind, I remember he said something like: "you are more like Vader than you know..." which I didn't really understand to be honest.' I frowned, did the Supreme Leader speak with Kylo or Matt. 'You mean Kylo? Kylo looks more like Vader right?' Matt didn't hesitate to answer, 'yes, yes of course I mean Kylo.' I hid my small blaster in the pocket of my clean uniform, not forgetting that thing ever again.  
I stepped out of the bathroom, 'let's get back to work.'

I waited for Matt at the docks, our first job was to fix a TIE Fighter. I was already preparing the tools, placing them all on their specific place. People could say all things about me, but I am certainly not messy.

Hux watched her work, she had so much control on what she did.  
In his eyes true beauty came from discipline and order. Qualities (Y/n) possessed.

I watched as Matt lay on his back, on a trolley, under the TIE Fighter. First he worked calm, but then he got more and more frustrated as it didn't want to work. 'Do you need help?' Matt came out from under the TIE, 'yes please,' he tried to sound as not frustrated as possible, but the frustration was almost feel able. 'Okay, get off the trolley and I'll show you how to properly fix it,' I said properly just to tease him. I should have known better.  
'No.'  
'No?'  
'No.' _Matt I swear, if you don't get off that damn trolley I-_  
'What no? I need to use that trolley if I want to fix it.' I said irritated. Before I knew it something invisible pushed me, which made me fall, with my back right on top of Matt. _Wait what?_ I wondered who had pushed me, me and Matt were alone right? Matt moved us and the trolley back under the TIE and handed me the tool, 'now you can show me how to fix it.'

Hux watched as "Matt" and his precious (Y/n) were enjoying each other, having a good time. Kylo wasn't even clenching his fists, which he normally did all the time.  
Well, he certainly wasn't having a good time, the only thing that kept him standing was this certain thought. The thought that one day, when he finally completed his plan, she would be his, and his alone.


	41. Knock before entering

How much Hux despised Ren, he had to keep his standards, he had to thank him. He was already at the door, took a deep breath, tried to stay calm, and opened the door.

'Ren I need to-.' Hux had made a mistake by not knocking before entering, so Ren wasn't prepared for any visitors. In the contrary, he had just took a shower and had only his pants on, which meant he stood shirtless, his hair still wet. 'This is highly inappropriate,' snarled Hux. Ren suppressed the urge to roll his eyes, 'do you seriously think I wanted you to see me half naked? This is reserved, and certainly not for you.' Ren knew he would never say it like that to the person he meant, but he would say anything to enrage Hux. 'Of course it is,' Hux snorted. 'What else did you expect to see when you unannounced entered my _private_ quarters?' Ren couldn't suppress his smirk, oh how he loved to tease the general. But of course he had a comeback, 'I don't know, a dark brooding man in one of his seats as usual,' Hux answered with slight accusation. He could no longer bare to watch Ren's muscular chest and turned around, instead he saw something else worth worrying about. 'Since when are your seats replaced for a cou- wait that's my couch!' His voice sounded stern and high, which was something that always happened when he disagreed with something. Hux could feel Ren smirk, 'well, I found it between some other items, desks and cabins-.' Hux interrupted him, 'that's because my office had to be repaired, since you were the one who destroyed it! Again.' Hux turned around to face Ren again, thank the Supreme Leader he was not shirtless anymore. He pointed with his finger in Ren's chest, 'you-you insufferable ch-.' He managed to stop mid sentence and pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He would not give Ren the pleasure to make him angry.  
Hux stepped back, 'I am here to thank you. You did good Ren, for once in your life you did something good. You protected (Y/n), you kept her safe.'  
Of course, the child that he is, Ren couldn't just accept the compliment, the only one he would ever get from him in his life. The smirk on his face disappeared, 'I indeed acted right, which I can't say about you. You couldn't even protect her.' Saying that, he turned around and placed his helmet on his head, 'I need to train, you could use some training too.'  
He left Hux alone in his room, very, very frustrated. He didn't know how much longer he could stick to the plan...

(Y/n)'s PoV  
I was fixing a cabin in Kylo Ren's private quarters, and no, it wasn't his fault this time, I heard rumours it was someone else who did it. I could see the tracks where someone punched the cabin door hard enough to create a hole. I had to remove the whole door and replace it for a new one. I was just preparing the new door when a familiar trooper came in. 'Hey Angel.' Angel took her helmet off, 'how nice to see you're alive and free, even working again.' She friendly patted my shoulder. I smiled at her, 'glad indeed, how are you doing?' Angel watched me work while speaking, she really loved to talk, 'well you know, smuggling extra food for prisoners etc. Oh and before I forget, the AR is doing great, we have like 10 members now!' You would think that that's a small number, but for a secret group in the First Order it's a lot. I just nodded as she continued, 'you told me you would join the AR if you got free, and look, you're free.' She smirk-smiled. The irony, I got freed by Kylo, and now I had to join a Anti-Ren group. I know I could just say no, but I didn't want to lose my only "normal" friend. 'Okay, I'm in.' I felt kinda bad for Kylo, and the fact I was participating in something so childish, but I deserve a little fun too right? 'You need to prove it,' stated Angel. 'How?' She handed me a carving tool that was meant to carve the wood if the door didn't fit correctly. 'Carve something in the cabin door.' I looked at the tool in my hand, it was so easy to just... 'but-.' Angel interrupted me with a risen eyebrow, 'what but? You are against Ren right? And no one knows you did it. Or are you too afraid?' She said the last sentence slightly teasing, but on a friendly way. 'Of course I'm not afraid.' I knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but I did it. I took the tool and carved in the inside of the door. " _Kylo Ren straight up sucks._ " Angel exited clapped her hands, 'yea, that's how it's done!' I finished the door and stood up straight, stretching my back. I really hoped Kylo wouldn't find out, I had already disobeyed him by not destroying the kyberdust and now carved something in his cabin door. 'Why are you here in the first place anyway?' I asked her to change the topic. 'Oh yea, I had to fetch you for the Supreme Leader. He's here to see the base or something and wants to talk with the main designer, which is you.' She said lightly.

 _Fuck_.


	42. Supreme leader Snoke

Supreme Leader Snoke, to be honest, I expected more. Yes he was like two meters tall, but he also looked so fragile in a weird kind of way. His heavily scarred face with pale blue eyes... ugh it gave me shivers.  
I kneeled in front of him as he sat on his throne. 'What is it you desire, Supreme Leader?' Snoke rose up from his chair, walking a circle around me, I felt exposed. His eyes burned holes wherever he looked. 'So you are our head technician, (Y/n)...' he said my name as if he had to taste it on his tongue, trying to hear what's so special about it. He stopped in front of me, I kept looking at the floor. I almost jumped as he placed his large hand under my chin, making me look at him. 'My apprentice seems to be very keen on you. Maybe you are more than just a tool... you're more like a pawn.' _Thanks, I guess_. 'You should be grateful indeed, this secures your position.' Of course the Supreme Leader, master of the dark side of the Force, was able to read my mind. 'What do you mean, secure my position?' _I really have to learn to keep my mouth shut._ The Leader laughed, 'it doesn't matter my child. I would see your thoughts anyways.' It felt scary, not being able to have the slightest amount of privacy. 'Don't worry, there is nothing to fear. You have proven yourself worthy, and useful.' He let go of my chin and used the Force to make me stand up straight. The power he held, the one who looked so fragile, I now know not to underestimate the power the Force can give. He turned around, looking at his dark throne. 'I already told my apprentice about his similarities with Vader. Not just the blood that flows through his veins, no not just that... you are playing a part in his path to the dark side.' He seemed absent as he spoke, was he thinking about the past? Or the future? I honestly had no idea how to respond, this was far beyond my league. Plus, why would I, in the Supreme Leader's name, be important in Kylo's life? And what did that have to do with Vader? Suddenly Snoke turned around, no longer absent. 'Now, go my child, fulfill your destiny. Your next mission awaits, alone.' I heard the doors open behind me.  
I now was no longer in the hold of his Force, I made a sharp turn and walked back to the door. The one who entered was no other than Kylo. 'Supreme Leader, she won't go on a mission alone, she-.' I couldn't see Snoke, but I knew he had made Kylo stop talking. I didn't know what to think of Kylo's words, did he really stood up to the Leader like that? For me?  
I sent a thankful glance to Kylo before leaving the throne room.

The ship was already ready to go. I was alone with the pilot. First I would be transferred to a different ship, and then they would bring me to a place where all head technicians would speak with each other, talking about their ideas. But the only one I wanted to speak with was Matt, poorly I had to immediately leave.

It was a silent flight, the pilot hadn't said a single word. A small cruiser entered my view as I looked out of the window, the pilot locked his ship with the cruiser. The door opened, a stormtrooper took me to the lounge and left me alone. I got bored quite fast and decided to investigate, okay, maybe I am a little too curious. It was a standard cruiser, everything was made out of metal, as usual. I opened the door to the cockpit. I could see the backs of the heads of the two pilots, one was gray haired, and the other one was... brown furry hair? Wait, why is he so tall? His hair didn't look human like, more beast like. As the furry pilot turned his head I recognised him, Chewbacca. He growled to the other pilot, which of course was Han, in a stormtrooper armour.

_Not again._


	43. Coincidence?

Leia was negotiating about what weapons and aircrafts the Resistance should buy, together with her impulsive pilot Poe and her trustful C-3PO. 'We should have more X-wings, there are enough pilots waiting for a new ship,' said Poe exited. The pilot always got exited when speaking about X-wings and other ships, but he should focus more on here and now. 'But mr. Dameron, then we need more fuel and the Resistance doesn't have enough credits,' calculated C-3PO. 'It doesn't matter, we'll just find a way, like we always do,' protested Poe. But Leia wasn't focused on the conversation, something was distracting her, someone was distracting her. She could feel him through the Force as she always did when he was nearby enough. She had been wondering a lot about him, about his well being and why he was disguised as a radar technician when she last saw him. Even the girl that was with him didn't leave her thoughts, she radiated something calming, a weird form of confidence. Leia could understand why her son liked the girl, because that is what he still is, her son. Despite all the horrible things he had done. She could feel her son radiate anger and hurry through the Force, something was off, he was very close, closer than he had been in a long time.  
Leia Organa was the princess of the destroyed planet Alderaan, general of the Resistance, a hero, but also a mother who just wanted her son to come back to her. She only felt worry for him as she stared into the unknown. 'General? Princess Organa? Leia?!' Her mind was no longer clouded, she was filled with determination. 'Prepare the ship,' she said resolutely. 'But princ- general, the negotiations?' Stuttered C-3PO. 3PO was a good friend, but sometimes he just had to shut his mouth for once, if you can say that of a droid. Poe recognised the determined look in her eyes, 'yes general.' He stood up and headed to the ship. Leia followed Poe as 3PO waddled behind her. 'General? General?' She made a sharp turn, 'what is it?!' 3PO slightly lowered his head, 'I am sorry, I just wanted to check on how you are feeling, my lady.' Sometimes Leia forgot that 3PO was built to care for humans, and that he just tried to act right. She sighed, 'I am sorry 3PO, I shouldn't have been that harsh. Everything is alright, no need to worry.' The droid brightened up, 'good to hear my lady, good to hear.'

(Y/n)'s PoV  
'And why did you capture me this time? Not to put me in a broom closet again I hope.' Chewie had pointed his bow-like blaster at me, I was captured, again. I really need to do something about that. 'All we need is some information,' said Han while setting the ship on hold, so we wouldn't go wander in space. 'Jeez, if all you want is information, why not steal a damn droid? They are much smarter than me,' I said irritated, frustrated by the fact that people think they can take me captive all they want. And mostly because it worked.  
'I wouldn't be so "funny" if I were in your situation,' Han said. Chewie growled, 'I know that's exactly what I would do, but she doesn't need to know that!' I rolled my eyes, they really looked like an old married couple. Suddenly the ship began to shake, red lights enlightened the cockpit. Han quickly turned to the screen on the control panel. 'Someone is locking their ship onto ours,' explained Han to Chewie, 'it's a First Order ship. Why do our plans never go as we want them to go?' Chewie growled something again, 'okay, my plans. Happy now, you stupid beast?' Han took a pair of handcuffs and placed them around my wrists, 'don't think you can run.' I motioned my hands, 'I wouldn't think about it.' But I did think about the blaster in my pocket, these smugglers weren't the smartest ones. 'Aren't you supposed to, you know, do something about the intruder?' Han prepared his blaster, 'and if I am going to do something about it.' Chewie opened the door.  
And there he stood, an enraged Kylo Ren. Why wasn't I surprised anymore?  
But before he could speak, another door opened. 'Organa. Dameron,' announces Kylo. Leia and a pilot entered the intersection of the ship, followed by a human like droid. I examined the "battlefield of family meeting", it was an intersection, four halls, all ending up at a gate where a ship could connect. Leia and her gang in one hall, the smugglers (including me in this case) in another, and Kylo in the third one. 'Good to see you still have the manners we taught you, Ben. Even though that's probably the only thing you seem to remember from what we taught you,' said Han bitter. I wondered if Han still saw his son inside the dark knight, or that he was lost. I stepped in the center of the intersection, Han had forgotten about me. 'Well, since this is a family reunion, I think it's for the best if I leave. I don't want to ruin your moment.' First I stepped towards Kylo, 'may I?' He didn't say anything, so I decided that that was a yes. I struggled to take his lightsaber with my cuffed hands, but managed to take it. Kylo still didn't say a word and just kept looking at the others. I activated the lightsaber and used the side-blade to break the shackles between the cuffs. I deactivated the lightsaber with my now free hands, 'thank you,' and placed it at his belt again.  
Honestly, I was certainly not in the mood for something like this. Why did I always had to get in this kind of drama? No one reacted, all throwing glances at each other. So I decided to slowly walk backwards, into the last empty hall, waiting for the drama to be over. Until I bumped against someone.

_You're kidding me._


	44. Family feud

I slowly looked up at the one I bumped against to, it was a tall man with a shaggy beard. Followed by a dozen of guards in red armour, with a scary helmet. I didn't saw any eye holes or so, how the hell did they see? Step by step I walked back to the family drama, the man looked at me with a smirk on his face.  
Kylo was the first to notice we had uninvited visitors, well, _more_ uninvited visitors. 'Let me handle this.' He pushed Poe aside, Poe looked up at him with slight surprise, how dared he to push him aside, he knows how to fight for himself. 'Don't tell us what to do, emo space prince,' he snapped. I don't know about Kylo, but that comment didn't suit me well. 'He is no emo space prince! You should be afraid... very afraid.' Poe snorted after he looked surprised in my direction, looking me up and down. 'Whatever you wish, but I won't listen to that emo space princess.' _I swear, if I could just take my blaster and-_  
'So apparently your good looks are just a façade for your annoying personality, Dameron.' Despite the situation Leia chuckled, 'they indeed are.' Poe was beaten, 'could we go back to our little situation.'  
The head intruder had watched our conversation with an amused look, but came quickly back to business mode.  
'I hope you remember us, Solo?' _And of course it's Han's fault._ He spoke with a harsh accent. 'Ah yes, of course. The leader of the Guavian Death gang, Kala-Tik and your younger brother, Bala-Tik. How could I forget?' Han answered with a velvety tone. But the leader wasn't impressed, 'since you're able to remember that, you must remember the due date we wanted our investment back...' Leia threw a frustrated gaze at Han, she probably experienced this all the time. Han gestured with his hands, 'you just need to wait a _little_ longer, we're kinda in the middle of something.' Everyone in our "group" glances frustrated at the gang, weapons still in hands. But Tala-Tik shook his head, 'You know Solo, you won't be so lucky this time won't you? Our brothers want our money back, now. But, if you won't give it to us, we will find another way to get it back. This princess is worth quite a lot, for the Resistance ánd the First Order, as are you, Han and Chewbacca. And I'm sure the Supreme Leader wants his emo Space Prince back...' Poe smirked and whispered, 'told ya.' The leader continued, '...,quite the ransom. But... who are you?' He turned to me. I was quite nervous to be honest, I had heard about the reputation of the Guavian Death gang. 'I am-.' Kylo interrupted me, his voice sounded frustrated and proud at the same time, I didn't know it was even possible to combine those two. ' _She_ is the head technician of Stark- our base.' Han's head turned from Kala-Tik, to me. 'A head technician?! I thought you were the one who ordered the supplies, you know, the expensive stuff that's actually worth something.' He pinched the bridge of his nose and spoke to Chewie, 'this mission was doomed to fail, no way we could have gotten the information we needed from her, she isn't even who we thought she was. Damnit.' Chewie growled, it sounded like an accusation. Han pointed at Chewie, 'It's not my fault you-.' Kala was done with them, 'enough!' He scratched his beard, 'hmm head technician you say, just from one base... I'm no nerd, sure she isn't worth the transport in the first case...' Leia tried to be the wise one in the room, as always, 'I am sure we can find a way to make both sides happy. I propose you leave, and you won't have the Resistance or us, going after you.' But he didn't care about finding a "peaceful" way, instead he turned around, facing his small army. 'you hear it brothers, catch them alive, except from the head technician.' I rolled my eyes. But Han had other plans, 'sure as hell no one gets to catch _me_.' He held his blaster ready.  
'Get them boys!'

Kylo immediately pulled me behind him as he activated his lightsaber, which didn't go unnoticed by Leia. The corners of her mouth twitched up, a little, there was still hope for her son. 'I'll show you some darkness,' I heard he gritted his teeth. The Guavian gang accepted the challenge. I took my blaster from my pocket as I watched Kylo fight the guards with his lightsaber and the Force. Against his will, we got split up, I had to step back from the guards. I was now in a different hall with Leia and Poe, 3PO was nowhere to be found. We all tried to keep the gang away, as they had dangerously big cannons. I was forced to fight side against side with Poe. 'Sooo, you called me good looking hm?' I threw him an irritated look, 'really? Is that the only thing you heard from what I told you?' Poe shot a guard, 'well, it's the only thing I found interesting enough.' I punched a guard that was getting too close in my opinion and shot another with my blaster. 'Do you really think this is the right moment to discuss something so non important?' Poe and I ducked at the exact same moment to avoid the shot of their cannons. 'Always is the right time to discuss my good looks with a good looking lady. I could do this all day.' Leia shot the last guard with her blaster, and mumbled, 'pilots...'  
We followed the trail of corpses to find Kylo, Han and Chewie fight side by side. There was only one word to describe it, elegance. They fought like they did this every day, like a machine. Kylo used his lightsaber to kill, and the Force to drag the enemies in the hands of Chewie. While Han blasted everyone who came too close into their graves. I managed to look away and watched how Leia adored what she saw. Yes, there was a lot of killing involved, but they worked together. I saw the love in her eyes as she looked at Han, I didn't know what their status was at the moment, but they still loved each other. I realised that I had looked at Kylo on the same way... which was wrong, I had Matt. We didn't interfere with their battle, even Poe looked with admiration in his eyes. It didn't took long for them to finish them all, only Tala-Tik and Bala-Tik were left. Tala-Tik was armed with a cannon. Kylo stepped forwards, in their direction. 'You lost, you must know by now that you don't mess with the First Order.' _Or the Solo family_. 'If I'm going down, you're coming with me!' He pointed his cannon at Kylo, but Kylo was faster, his hand rose and Tala was under his command. Tala struggled, but Kylo's command over the Force was too strong. Kylo moved his hand in Bala-Tik's direction, Tala lifted his cannon in his brothers direction. 'No, no! Don't make me do this!' Leia tried to come near Kylo, but he stopped her with his other hand, keeping her at distance. 'Why? Why would I have mercy? You didn't have mercy, so why would I?' Tears streamed of Tala's face, 'he's my brother, he did nothing wrong, take me instead,' he pleaded. 'As you wish.' Kylo moved his hand in Tala's direction, Tala turned his cannon and held it against his own chest. 'No brother-.' **Flash!** Tala fell to the ground. Bala fell on his knees, 'have mercy, I'll do anything.' I could feel Han's distaste. 'Just remember not to mess with the First Order.' He turned around and took his lightsaber with his free hand, Leia was now free again. Bala-Tik fled back to his ship and took off immediately.  
'And now...' but before he could do anything Poe took me and placed his blaster against the side of my head, 'and now you will leave, in peace.' I tried to escape Poe's hold, but he only held me tighter. 'Ouch,' Kylo immediately stepped forward, but stopped when he saw that Poe held the blaster tighter against my head. 'I would stay there if I were you.' Poe pulled me with him as we all walked back, 'you go to your ship, and no one gets hurt.' I now saw C-3PO standing next to the command lock of the door. We would be protected and separated from Kylo if the droid closed the door. Poe whispered in my ear as we walked back, 'we could use a technician like you.' I gritted my teeth, 'I will never join the Resistance.' Poe shook his head, 'such a shame,' he really sounded disappointed. 'Close the gate 3PO,' ordered Leia. But Kylo had different plans, as did I. With all my strength I stepped on Poe's foot, and jumped forward. At the same time Kylo threw his lightsaber at the droid, and chopped his arm of. But the droid had already closed the gate. Kylo helped me up and took his lightsaber from the floor, 'are you alright?' I straightened my uniform, 'I am now.'  
Kylo led me back to his ship before Leia and Han changed their minds or came back for us.


	45. Just another “normal” day

I watched Kylo pilot the TIE, he was very silent and hadn't said a word. Which didn't help with the fact I felt bad for trying to walk away of the drama. I stood up, 'I am sorry, I should not have tried to walk away, I should have stayed with you.' Kylo didn't turn his head to me while speaking, 'it doesn't matter, I wish I could have done the same, just walk away from problems. And there would not have happened anything anyway, this wasn't the right moment.' Not for the first time, I wished that he could just remove his helmet so I could see his emotions. I placed my hand on his shoulder, a sign that I would be there for him for now on, no matter what. This time Kylo did look at me, well at my hand on his shoulder to be more precisely, suddenly the handcuffs popped open and my wrists were free. I retreated my hand to rub my poor hurt wrists, they probably wished they were part of someone who's smarter, and treated them better. 'Couldn't you have done that earlier?' I teased, trying to take his mind off. 'I was distracted, sorry,' even with the helmet changing his voice I could hear a slight form of regret. That man kept surprising me.  
I could just feel he needed a friend right now, even though he doesn't have many, probably only me and Matt. I decided to take the risk, I placed one hand on his shoulder and the other hand on his other shoulder and gently started to massage. I waited for a respond, maybe he would get angry at me, but he didn't. His shoulders were incredibly tensioned, I kept massaging them until they started to relax, even his head started to lean a little of the calming feeling.  
I had to stop when nearing Starkiller base again.

Kylo was his normal self again when standing on the docks, surrounded by people rushing all over the docks. Head high, not showing any form of weakness. I stood beside him while pushing the right code to close the TIE, I almost jumped when he grabbed my wrist and pulled it towards him. He noticed my reaction and was now more gentle while turning and examining my red and blue coloured wrist. 'You are hurt,' he stated. I retreated my hand, 'it's nothing, the cuffs were just a little tight, that's all,' I protested. He looked at my face and shook his head, 'follow me.' I followed him, while recognising our destination. Kylo opened the doors of his private quarters with a single hand movement. 'Sit down,' he motioned the couch. Somehow it didn't sound like an order, even though it seemed like it was meant to be one. 'I have some healing ointment that will make the bruises and pain go away immediately,' he opened a cabin. _Shit, a cabin! What if he opens the one... and sees what's carved inside._ Lucky for me he didn't open the one cabin. He placed the jar with the ointment on the armrest of the couch and squatted next to me. With his gloved hands he opened the jar and took some ointment on his fingers, 'may I?' I just nodded, he took one of my wrists with his free hand and carefully anointed the ointment on it. A shiver went through my spine as his hand and the cold ointment came in contact with my skin. He didn't see the flush of red on my cheeks as he kept focused on anointing my wrists. I wondered how many people he had helped in his life... God there is something wrong with me. After he was done he stood up and walked to his closet to get a clean pair of gloves. On the one side I wanted to break the silence, but on the other side, why would I? I looked at my wrists as the ointment did its work, the bruises and the pain vanished, leaving only the greasy ointment behind. Kylo came back and looked at my wrists, 'good, now we need to remove the ointment. I'll get a clean towel.' I kept looking at my lap as I waited for Kylo to return with a towel, it was taking quite long now. I turned my head, only to see Kylo staring at something in his cabin. Thé cabin. I saw his hand turn into a fist. _Shit_.  
I know I could just lie, say it wasn't me, but I can't. I stood up and placed my hand on his shoulder. He angrily turned around, but immediately calmed down when he realised it was just me. I was incredibly thankful for my "ability" to calm him down, I don't know how many times I would have died without it. 'I am sorry Kylo, I regret what I have done,' I said genuine. Kylo looked up, 'it was you who did it?' I just nodded, no longer able to look at him. It had been stupid to carve something in his cabin door, I always thought I was smarter than that. 'Kylo Ren straight up sucks hm?' He read out loud. I looked up when hearing his teasing tone. 'I really assumed that you would at least come up with something more original,' _okay, now he's just teasing_. But I couldn't suppress a smirk. 'So... you're not going to kill me?' He shook his head, 'you need to come with something far better than that if you want that honour.' Now it was my turn to shake my head in confusion. He really is the most unpredictable person I have ever met.  
Kylo closed the cabin door, 'I heard that there is some kind of game night tonight. I assume Matt is going to take you there, I better stop holding you up so you can get some rest and prepare yourself.' I suppressed a smile when hearing Matt's name. 'Of course, thank you for helping me out, and saving me.'  
Kylo held the door open for me, as I exited his private quarters.

I was still deeply in thought about everything that was going on, that I didn't notice the man mopping the hall. I tripled over his water bucket. He didn't doubt to help me up, 'I am so sorry, I should look better where I walk,' I apologised. I took the bucket from the floor before any more water could spill over it. The kind looking man shook his head, 'it doesn't matter, I'm kinda used to this.' He took his mop and quickly dried the floor before anyone would slip. 'I am sorry to hear that. My name is (Y/n) by the way,' I held out my hand. He doubted before taking it, 'FN-2187, a janitor as you can see. What do you do?,' he asked curiously. 'I'm the head technician, nothing too important. It must suck, working as a cleaner.' He nodded, 'it certainly does, I was trained to become a stormtrooper, but they had a higher need for cleaners. I think what I hate the most is the fact I am trained for something but never got to use my training.' I looked at him and imagined him with armour, with a weapon in hands. 'You know what, maybe I can do something about that. See it as an apology.' He laughed in disbelief, 'thank you for the offer, but how do you want to do that?' I smiled, 'leave that to me.'

I knew her daily routine, I had seen her a couple of times during work. I stood quietly in a corner, waiting for her to come out. I didn't had to wait long, I stepped from my hiding place in front of her. _God I forgot how tall she is._ She snorted, '(Y/n).' I hated the way my name sounded through her chrome helmet. 'Hey Phas, missed me?' She didn't reply, instead she dragged me along back in the dark corner. 'You scum, what-.' But I stopped her, bringing my face very close to hers. 'Dear Phas, I want to make something clear, I will no longer let you get away with things like this. I know enough things and people to make you lose your precious position...' my voice sounded threatening. '... but I want to offer you a way out. I will not sue you for what you did, and we leave each other alone, if you do this one thing...' Phasma was surprised with my sudden attitude, 'what _thing?' Got her._  
'Do you know trooper FN-2187?' She snorted, 'of course I do, I know all my-.' I didn't let her finish, 'good. Now, he is a janitor, but I'd rather see him in the position as a real stormtrooper. All you have to do is make that happen, then we will never have to see each other again. Deal?' I held my hand out, I could feel her distrust, but that didn't stop her, 'deal.'


	46. Game night

After I faced Phasma, I decided to take a short nap and then prepare myself for this "game night."  
I looked in my closet, and shove my many uniforms away to find a dress I had bought on a market. It was a simple sleek dress in my favourite colour, simple but elegant. I brushed my hair and let it fall over my shoulders. Perfect.  
A little later someone knocked on the door. Matt was wearing something nice too, but not too exaggerated. Not for the first time did his sloppy glasses look funny compared to the rest of his outfit. 'So... I heard you wanted to take me somewhere?' Matt sounded nervous, and certainly not confident, 'if you want to, of course.' I chuckled, 'of course I want to come with you, what do you think silly.' Matt's nervous expression vanished and was replaced by a happy one, relieved even. It always looked like Matt had to "warm up" before interacting, which I could only adore.  
The canteen had been turned into something with a tavern like look, never knew I would say this about Starkiller; but it looked cozy. No one was wearing their uniform, just dresses and other chic, but normal clothing. 'So, what did you have in mind?' Matt looked around the "tavern," he wasn't really used to this kind of coziness. 'Ehm, what about a drink and then see what to do next?' I nodded, 'I could use a drink.'  
While sipping from our drink, Matt and I watched a table with people who were "gambling" by playing a game. Matt and I were fixated on the game, it seemed pretty easy actually. Every player had a dice, with the six up. The person who starts the game gets two dices, it's all about the scores. If you get a six and a two, you have sixty two. If you get two of the same, like one and one, you have hundred. When you have a two and an one, you're save. The first player gets to choose how many times he or she wants to cast the dices, up to three times. You try to get the highest score as possible, if the start player throws three times, then the others get to throw three times too, trying to get something higher. The one with the lowest score needs to turn his personal dice a number lower, from six to five for an example. When you have one, you go count up, until six, then you lose. The last one standing wins. It was all about gambling, cast the dices another time to get a possible higher score, but the other players get to throw extra too, or keep your possible low score and hope no one casts higher.  
The round was finished and I nudged Matt, who had been intrigued too. I wanted to ask him if we should give it a try, but he was faster. 'I learned my poker-face from a professional, I'd like to see if I still got it, do you want to join me?' I was surprised by his sudden confidence, 'show me what you got, don't get angry if I win,' I said with a teasing tone. He smirked, 'we'll see, I have my tricks.'

'Damn it Matt! Why are you so good at this, it isn't fair anymore,' okay, I am a little competitive so what? Matt must be cheating, it can't be possible to win every single time. Matt's smirk was all over the place, yes you need to be happy for others, but he's making it hard. We had already played two games, and Matt had won both of them easily. 'Okay, lets go do something else,' I suggested, trying to sound as not frustrated as possible, which was impossible. Matt smirked again, 'why? I think I like this game.' _Sure you do_. 'Because I want to,' I made clear. I almost dragged him from his seat, which was of course impossible since he's still the tall and broad man he is. 'Let's play a game that's more about... using your brains.' I motioned one of the tables with a chessboard. I took the white chess pieces and he the black ones.

Kylo was having trouble with the chess game, it wasn't as easy as with the gamble dice game, which he had cheated with, using his Force powers. He had cheated by using the mind trick to let the other players make the decision to throw again, even if they had a good score, so he would get as many casts as he wanted, a higher rate to get a higher score.

Matt was a very good player, but not as tactical as me. He tended to make impulsive moves. I saw him getting more and more irritated as he started to lose more and more pieces. Until I had him, 'checkmate!' He looked at his options, which he hadn't, but he couldn't believe it, 'this can't be...' He gritted his teeth, _here we go_ , and threw the chess pieces of the board. _Should have seen that coming._ After realising what he had done, he sat back in his, tiny, chair, being grumpy. I stood up and took place behind him, still enjoying the fact that I had finally won something from him. He was stronger, taller, better at "lightsaber" battles, better at using a blaster, better at the stupid dice game, but I was better at chess. I leaned my head on his shoulder, next to his ear. 'Enjoying yourself,' he said grumpy. I suppressed my urge to chuckle, 'just enjoying the view of my grumpy Matt.' I gave him a kiss on his cheek. He looked me in the eyes, 'now done being grumpy? You are better at almost everything anyways.' He sighed and stood up, 'says the best technician I know.' I smiled, 'you aren't so bad yourself.' Matt tried to sound as serious as possible, 'don't lie to me.' But it didn't take long for us to both burst into laughter.  
'do you want to leave this place? It's getting a little messy in here.' Matt pulled me from my spot just in time as a drunk man gets thrown through the air.  
'A little voice in my head tells me you have prepared something...' I guessed with a smile on my face.


	47. Love and Despair

Matt entered the code to open the gates of the base, to enter the forest. Which I wasn't prepared for, as soon as the doors opened I felt like an icicle. 'Ehm Matt, I'm not really in the right... attire, to face this kind of cold.' Somehow Matt had forgotten that fact when making his little plan. 'Well, ehm, then I'll just carry you,' before I could reply he scooped me up in his arms against his chest. 'You can't solve every problem by lifting me,' I said. 'Well, lets test that shall we? Are you cold?' I shook my head. 'You don't have to plow yourself a way through the snow with those shoes, don't you?' I sighed, getting the point, 'okay... you're right.'  
I had no idea where we were heading to, I saw only forest and snow. I tried to find out what his plan was and stared into the woods, until I saw a weird blue atmosphere kind of thing. And Matt was carrying me right through it. I had to blink a couple of times to get used to the light as Matt put me down. We were in some kind of dome, a stone fountain in the middle, surrounded by the most beautiful exotic flowers I had ever seen. When looking outside the dome I could still see the snowy forest, while inside this "paradise" it was warm, there was even a clear blue sky. 'Wow... just wow.' I admired the many flowers, I liked the blood red roses the most, a beautiful flower, but with a sharp touch. 'This is some Jedi related Force trick. Jedi's normally create these to make a calming place to meditate and connect with the Force. I designed it,' explained Matt, while I took place on the edge of the fountain. 'But Kylo created it of course,' he added. I chuckled, 'are you sure you are the one working for him and not otherwise? Because sometimes you really make me doubt that.' I allowed my hand to feel the water in the fountain, it had a nice temperature. 'But I do love the design, I have never seen this kind of beauty,' I sounded impressed. 'You don't often look in the mirror then,' he said genuine.  
My heart fluttered as I looked in his eyes, which confirmed the love he held, even though it wasn't always visible. I was never really good at poems, but this just entered my mind as I said it out loud, 'your eyes tell me that you'll love me everyday. No matter what may come, you'll be here to stay.' I swear that I could see his dark eyes brighten. 'Cute...' I raised an eyebrow, 'you think you can do better?' I said jokingly. Matt bridged the space between us, placed me on the ground and took me in his arms. I had to look up, and he down, to see his face. While I looked up I saw the sky change, from the clear blue to a star heaven. I raised an eyebrow, 'how did that happen? Don't tell me that Kylo is hiding in the bushes and watching us with binoculars.' Matt looked up at the sky, clearly he hadn't noticed the change. Then he chuckled, 'I promise Kylo isn't hiding in the bushes or something like that, I don't know how this happened.' I believed him, he even sounded slightly surprised himself. What he did next was against all my expectations, he started to sing. His voice was like an angel's.

_'I wonder how I ever made it through a day_   
_How did I settle for a world in shades of gray_   
_When you go in circles all the scenery looks the same_   
_And you don't know how, then I looked into your eyes_   
_And the world stretched out in front of me and I realized_

_I never lived before your love_   
_I never felt before your touch_   
_I never needed anyone to make me feel alive_   
_But then again, I wasn't really living_   
_I never lived, before your love_

_I wanted more than just an ordinary life_   
_All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky_   
_I stand before you and my heart is in your hands_   
_And I don't know how I survived without you kiss_   
_'Cause you've given me a reason to exist_

_I never lived before your love_   
_I never felt before your touch_   
_I never needed anyone to make me feel alive_   
_But then again, I wasn't really living_   
_I never lived, before your love_

_And I don't know why_   
_Why the sun decides to shine_   
_But you breathed you love into me, just in time_

_I never lived before your love_   
_I never felt before your touch_   
_I never needed anyone to make me feel alive_   
_But then again, I wasn't really living_   
_I never lived, before your love.'_

Tears started to well up in my eyes, this was just... I don't deserve this. 'Is something wrong? Did I sung false?' A smile graced my face, 'it was... indescribable. And certainly not false.' The tears were almost dropping now. 'Are you... crying? Why are you crying?' Matt held me closer, but we were still able to see each other's faces. 'I'm crying because of happiness Matt, you really touched me,' I had to laugh. Matt's eyes started to get watery too, his glasses getting foggy. 'I don't know what I would do without you,' saying that he pulled me in a deep kiss. Our relation was a little complicated, but one thing was for sure, we had an undying love for each other.

After our shared moment we lied down in the grass together and just looked at the stars, Matt toying with my hair. But it was now time to leave, we had a real world to go back to.

I was walking through the halls, on my way back to my room still dreaming about what happened, when my holo-watch started to beep. I had to go to Armitage's office.

Armitage had already slightly tousled his hair, so he would look like he had been in conflict. His plan was smart and well planned, like they always were and would be.  
First he had taken distance from (Y/n) and Matt, gave them space to connect. Then he would strike, just like he always did, waiting for his moment to come. He was used to destroying lives and feelings, but this time he would also be the saviour, and no one would ever know of his sinister plan, not even (Y/n), it was for her own good. Or at least, that is what he thought.  
And now, his moment had come...

I entered Armitage's office, I hadn't seen him for a while. I was slightly surprised when I saw his tousled hair, I was starting to get worried. 'Thank you for coming (Y/n),' he sounded worried. Before I could get the chance to greet him, he walked to his window and closed the curtains, first making sure no one was watching us. 'Good to see you Armitage, I haven't seen you for a while, sorry for that.' He straightened his uniform nervously before continuing, 'it isn't your fault, we both have been busy.' I noticed his nervous expression and walked up to him, 'is everything alright?' I was about to give him a peck on his cheek to calm him down, but I was stopped by his hand. Okay, now I was really worried.  
'I-I have something to tell you... I'm sorry I have to say this, I'm sorry I have to do this, but I want to prevent you from getting too hurt. If I'd knew this could happen I wouldn't allow you to get too close. I never knew that that child was capable of experiencing something close to love,' he rattled.  
I was confused, but mostly worried and even afraid, 'Armitage, what are you trying to say?' My voice sounded shakily. He took a deep breath before answering, his eyes stood soft. 'Matt isn't who you think he is, he is Kylo Ren.'  
My heart broke in a thousand pieces, deep down I knew, I already had all the pieces of the puzzle, I just didn't want them to fit.  
Armitage probably saw in my eyes how my heart broke, and took me in his arms, at least I had one person that didn't lie to me. This was the first time I could remember that I cried. I cried uncontrollably against his chest, the only thing that remembered me of being alive was the strong pull of Armitage's hold.  
I don't know how long I cried, how long he had tried to calm me down, but at a certain moment my mood changed.

I had at least one thing in common with the cunning general, people could crush me as hard as they wanted, I would strike back with twice the strength, which was in this case... unsurvivable.


	48. Blueberry muffins and plans

I had stayed with Armitage until the late hours, then I finally went to my own bed. We had never been this close, he was my tower of strength. He had helped me to calm down, and listened to whatever I had to say. He even promised me that I could always come to him whenever I needed help or just a listening ear.  
But that was yesterday, I was now on my way to breakfast in the canteen, breakfast with "Matt."  
Anger blurred my vision, rage clouded my thoughts. At least I now knew how Ren felt when he had one of his tantrums. Only had Ren them once in a while, I was feeling like this since I woke up this morning, knowing this feeling wouldn't fade until I had my vengeance. But for my vengeance I had to act like there was nothing wrong, like he hadn't been lying to me, like he hadn't broke my heart, like-. I cannot afford to feel like this, it would only hold me back, which I couldn't use for my plan. I thought back of my motto, the motto I had used in my childhood, even for Matt's lies. Never thought I would use it in this way, to deceive someone else instead of being the deceived one. "If you believe in something hard enough, it will appear to be real," I will let him think it's still real. Unknowingly I had been smirking, I made my face return to its normal state and opened the door to the canteen.  
Matt had already taken place at our usual table, he had even ordered my favourite breakfast already. _Awh, how- no don't! You can't think this, he lied to you!_ 'Ehm, you were late, so I already ordered your food. This is your favourite right?' I nodded and took place in front of him, like usual. 'Thanks Matt,' I said "genuine." I was a little absent during breakfast, Matt was talking with someone about Kylo Ren or something. In my head I was planning how I could put my plan into effect. Until Matt woke me from my thoughts by saying something nic- something, by saying something. 'I woke up earlier this morning so I could get my hands on these, I even outran Karen,' he placed two blueberry muffins on the table, which he had hid on his lap. I never had eaten a muffin, mostly because Karen always managed to eat them first, most people didn't even know of their existence in the first case. I took the muffin and inhaled its scent, _oh god this is unholy good._ The scent was a combination of warm muffin and fresh blueberries, fresh! I forgot how angry I was at Matt and carefully took a bite. I closed my eyes in enjoyment, the taste was even better. Matt smiled as he watched me enjoy my muffin, he got joy from seeing me enjoy. I spoke with pieces of muffin still in my mouth, 'I now, mjm, understand why Karen likes these, mjm, muffins so much.'  
After finishing our muffins Matt stood up, 'I ehm, gotta do something for Kylo. I won't be able to help you with work today.' And that was the needed reminder of his real identity, _at least this makes my plan easier._ I stood up too, 'no problem, good luck with Kylo.' Saying that I left him behind and headed to Armitage's office, knowing I would find him there.

'I need a ship,' I said when entering his office. Armitage looked up from his holopad, 'a ship? Do you know how to pilot it then?' I shook my head, 'I don't, but if Kylo is able to pilot a ship, I must be capable of it too.' Armitage stood up and held my forearms gently, his cold hands slightly extinguished my anger, just a little. 'Are you sure? I don't want you to get hurt,' he said caring. _A little late for that._ 'Very sure. I will steal a ship, after pretending to fix it. All I ask from you is not to report it. I promise you won't get any regrets...' Armitage lifted my chin, a smile on his face, 'I think I like this (Y/n).' He kisses my forehead, 'stay safe.' I returned him a smile, 'I do intend to stay safe, how else can I have my vengeance?'

Stealing the ship wasn't that hard. The flying part, that's something else. I pretended to fix a TIE Fighter, which was completely fine. I started the mighty engines, I had read about how this works, but the real deal isn't exactly the same. 'Where is that damn handle?' I searched, when seeing a pair of stormtroopers heading my way I started to hurry. Armitage wouldn't report my unallowed take off, but the control room wasn't informed about that right now, they just did their job. 'Finally.' I pulled the handle and switched the last switches. The TIE started to float, luckily I hadn't forgot to remove the safety lock on the ship so I could "easily" take off. After some bumbling I finally managed to leave base, Armitage had shut the shields down, just long enough for me to leave.  
'Well, here we go. This is where the fun begins.'


	49. Hutt

It had been a long flight to reach a small nameless moon at the edge of the Outer Rim. It seemed innocent, but I knew otherwise. I had heard about this moon from stories, it had some kind of Force past, something about a world between worlds connection, which I didn't understand, but that wasn't interesting for me at all. I only cared about the rebels on this moon, feisty rebels.  
I knew I had to be very careful from now on, I was piloting a First Order ship nonetheless. Luckily these rebels weren't very advanced, they didn't have much technology, not even blasters I had heard. I landed the ship and took my small blaster, and opened the gate. There were already two rebels standing in the doorway, armed with clubs, the patrolling guards I presumed. 'I come in peace, I want to speak with your leader,' I handed the guard my blaster as a sign of submissiveness. The rebel cautiously accepted my blaster, waiting for me to fool him. 'I am not here in the name of the First Order, in the contrary actually,' I convinced them. 'What is your business here? Tell or we shoot you,' the rebel said threatening. _And those are the rebels I've heard stories about._ I suppressed my smirk, knowing that the rebels wouldn't be a problem in my plan, they will do exactly as I want. 'I need to speak your leader, I have a deal to offer him, a very good deal...' The rebel that had threatened me looked at his partner, he nodded. 'We will take you to our leader, but I do not want to see any tricks.'

The leader of these rebels turned out to be a family member of Jabba the Hut, a cast out member, but still a member. Of course I didn't speak Hutt language or whatever, not that I can call it a real language, it sounded more like growling, and mostly unprofessional laughing. Luckily there was a translator. 'I have a deal to offer you, I do not want anything much in return,' I told the translator. The translator did her job, and Hutt spoke back with a voice that sounded curious but also cautioned. 'He asks what this deal is. He also says that if he doesn't like the deal he won't let you go off the hook easily,' the translator had pity in her voice. But I intended on not needing her pity, 'oh, I am sure your boss likes this,' I smiled at the disgusting Hutt. 'I will bring you one of the most by rebel hated mans in the galaxy, the Jedi killer. Kylo Ren.' Hutt immediately sat up when hearing his name, smoke coming from his nose-holes, from the incense he had been smoking. He growled something in response, 'how do you, a small girl, think you can bring the slaughter to us?' Even the translator was very curious now. I smirked, 'I have my tricks,' I said, remembering what Matt had told me on "game night." He had probably used his Force powers, now it was my turn to get some Force help.  
'And if you bring Ren here, what do you want in return?' Asked the translator, Hutt seemed to trust my "tricks." 'All I want, is to never see that monster again,' I answered bitter, memories flooding back into my head. 'What has he done to you that he deserves such fate?' I knew I couldn't tell him the truth, he would kill me if he found out about my past with Ren, so I lied. I pulled up my shirt, showing the scar I had gotten from the blaster shot on Corellia from my old bully. The irony that I actually got it from a rebel and that Ren was the one who saved me. 'This is what he has done, he marked me with this hideous scar, showing off with his powers using his lightsaber.' I actually didn't hate the scar, it had something sturdy, something unique, a reminder of the "good days." Hutt nodded, 'I understand your anger. You will be pleased to hear what we would do to him if we capture him.' I held my head slightly to the side, 'and that is?' I hated myself for still having this feeling of care for him. 'We Hutts like malicious pleasure, he will be our personal gladiator.' I had known about the Hutts partiality for malicious pleasure, and I couldn't stop myself from feeling bad for Kylo, for Matt. But this wasn't the time to back down, no not at all, I would have my vengeance on that lying- *sigh*. 'I need to go back now, but I promise you that I will contact you when I'm sending him to you. Be prepared, he will still be a fighter.' Hutt laughed, 'don't worry, we heard of the child's temper.' Saying that, he slugged away back to his personal chamber, or so I presumed.

After getting my blaster back, I flied back to Starkiller.


	50. Last preparations

Now came the hardest part of my plan, stealing Ren's lightsaber. Fun thing to have in mind is that I have to steal it twice, how wonderful, but there was no other way. I can't have the rebels face an angry Kylo Ren with lightsaber, can I? So I have to make a replica, and switch it last minute with the real one, but that was for later worry. First I have to steal it to make the replica in the first place. But one does not easily steal Kylo Ren's lightsaber. Not if he isn't distracted, I smirked, I had a plan.

'You want me to do what?!' Angel was very surprised. 'I want you to tell Ren what I just told you. You won't be recognised, he will be too distracted and you will be wearing this,' I handed her the stormtrooper helmet I had made myself. The helmet had an unrecognisable code, because it isn't an official in-the-system helmet. 'Why would I do that?' I hadn't fully convinced her yet. 'I proved myself worthy to be in the AR, now it's your turn. I promise he won't like what you will say, but he won't show that to you. That means you're safe.' That's when I got her, 'of course I'm worthy, I'll show you!'  
I stood behind the corner as Angel walked up to Ren, not showing the slightest amount of fear. Ren was talking to a stormtrooper when Angel reached him. 'Sir, I have to tell you something,' she motioned the other stormtrooper and Ren send him away. 'What is it, this better be worthy of my time,' his voice sounded robotic, I could hear the difference from when he was talking to me. 'I heard that general Hux and head technician (Y/n) are kissing in his office. I heard they were on their way to his private quarters,' her voice sounded normal, even I would believe her. _Don't exaggerate it Angel_. I might have challenged her too much...  
Ren stormed off without saying a word, his anger obviously visible. _Sorry Armitage._  
No time to lose, I ran to Ren's private quarters and opened the door. Okay, I may or may not have peeked when Matt entered the code. I had noticed that he wasn't wearing his saber, so it must be around here somewhere...  
I opened cabin after cabin, I slightly cringed when seeing " _Kylo Ren straight up sucks_ ," in the cabin door. 'Where is it? Think (Y/n), just think like Kylo.' In the meanwhile I had looked everywhere, well except from... it can't be... I walked to the bed and took the pillows away, and there it lay. The cross-guard lightsaber. _Who the hell hides their lightsaber under their pillow?_  
I didn't want to lose anymore time, Armitage and Kylo are probably arguing right now, but I don't know for how long. I almost bumped into someone when opening the door, I feared the worst. Luckily it was just Angel, a little bit frustrated. 'And what did you do in there? I have the feeling you aren't really helping the AR...' I mentally rolled my eyes, I certainly had no time to handle a curious Angel. 'In the contrary, I am the most active member-.' Angel saw what I was hiding behind my back and quickly stole it. _Stupid troopers, why are they always so strong and fast? And mostly spry._ Her mouth dropped open, 'is this Ren's lightsaber?! Did you really steal it?' I tried to take it back, but failed, she already activated it and swirled it around. Dangerously. 'Yes. This is his lightsaber, now give it back.' I didn't dare to try again, afraid I would lose my hand in the process. 'What are you going to do with it?' I was really getting frustrated now, mostly by the fact Kylo could come back any moment from now. 'That is classified. It's the last time I ask, imagine how Ren reacts when he finds out.' I held out my hand, finally she gave it back, afraid of the thought Ren being angry at her. 'You better do something hella awesome with it,' was all she said before turning around.  
'Well, I do intend to,' I said to no one.

I rushed to my room, where my materials and tools were already in place. It wasn't easy, I had never really got the chance to fully inspect the weapon, and it would be hard to give my replica the exact same weight. But I was not for nothing the head technician.  
After making the replica I ran back to Ren's private quarters, checked if no one was watching, and entered the room. I thanked the little angel on my shoulder, Ren hadn't returned yet. I placed the real lightsaber back under the pillow and locked the door again. Just in time, Kylo just entered the hallway, still muttering about how he hated general Hux and the stormtrooper who gave him this false information. Poorly he didn't know who it was, he had been too distracted, he wouldn't make that mistake again. Apparently he was very much in thought, I could just walk past him without him noticing me. Or so I thought, '(Y/n).' I turned around, and smiled a little, 'Kylo. Is there anything wrong, commander?' I sounded as nonchalant as possible. Kylo doubted before speaking, knowing he would act out of character with his next words. 'Just so you know, someone is spreading rumours about you.' I could feel his struggle, I couldn't stop myself, knowing exactly what he was talking about, 'what rumours?' I saw how he wanted to bring his hand to the back of his neck, but stopped himself before it was too noticeable. But I knew him too well, _how did I ever not see they were one and the same person?_ 'Just- rumours, I don't know, I haven't heard them.' _Lies. Lies. Lies._ 'Is that everything commander? I really should go back to work,' I tried to sound professional despite my current emotions. 'Yes,' he made a sharp turn and walked to his private quarters with fast strides.

I sat on my bed, my replica and bag with kyberdust in hand. Tomorrow would be the day, the day that no one would ever hear of the master of the knights of Ren, Kylo Ren, ever again.


	51. No going back

There it was, the moment I would betray Kylo Ren. No one ever managed to do so, I would be the first. If I succeed of course, but I already knew I would succeed, there was no reason I wouldn't, but why did I feel so bad then? Deep down I wanted to see Matt one last time, even though I knew I couldn't. I shrugged the feeling off and headed to the docks.

When entering his TIE Silencer I opened the small bag with kyberdust and scattered the dust around the ship. When the fight against the rebels would begin, he wouldn't be able to use his powers. The powder will disable his powers as long as he stays in this certain area, just big enough for the rebels to overpower him, they will not allow him to leave the area during battle.  
Now it was time to switch the lightsabers and tell him about this "secret rebel base" I found on the radars. I had no plan for switching the sabers, so I would have to improvise.  
Kylo wasn't hard to find, he seemed to be looking for someone also on the docks. I put my upset face on and coughed, gaining his attention. He was about to speak, as I interrupted him. 'Commander, I found a rebel base on a small moon at the edge of the Outer Rim!' I saw his posture change to an alarmed state. 'I will go there immediately,' I followed him to his TIE Whisper, trying make a plan how to switch his lightsaber, which was on his belt. Wait a sec- TIE Whisper! 'Ehm Kylo, why don't you use your TIE Silencer?' Kylo's head turned to me with slight confusion, 'because I will not need the heavy artillery of the Silencer, the Whisper will do. Why do you ask?' _Come on, think of something! Anything will do._ 'Because I think the Silencer looks cooler. It's more impressive if you fly the Silencer instead of the Whisper.' _Okay, anything but that. Now I sound like some kind of fan girl_. 'So you think I'm impressive?' I could hear a mocking undertone in his voice. _Okay, I'll play that game._ 'Yes, very impressive commander,' I said slightly mocking too. We both couldn't suppress a small chuckle. 'Okay, I'll take the Silencer. If that pleases you.' But then he turned more serious, 'I... need to tell you something (Y/n), something I should have told you a long time ago...' Of course, me with my brain focused on switching the lightsabers and not getting caught, couldn't multitask and thereby notice what he was talking about. And they call me the genius. 'You can tell me all about it when you come back, then we'll have time enough.' Kylo nodded and was about to turn around when I finally made a plan how to switch the lightsabers, it was pathetic, but better than nothing. I gave Kylo a hug, not Matt, no, Kylo. First he was stunned, overwhelmed by my sudden reaction, but then he regained himself and carefully hugged back. I unnoticeably took the replica from my pocket and switched it with his lightsaber. _There is no going back._ When I stepped back, he started to shuffle with his feet. _Oh how he looks like Matt... he is Matt._ My voice almost broke, 'good luck.' He nodded in my direction, 'I'll see you later, I promise I will handle this as fast as possible.' I send him a smile, even though I was being torn apart from the inside, 'yea, see ya soon...'

I watched as the TIE Silencer took off, on its way to my trap. I took my comm, 'he is on his way, be prepared. Don't forget, don't let him leave the ship, otherwise he will gain his powers back,' I placed it back down.  
I watched as the ship grows smaller and smaller in the distance, leaving an empty dark sky behind, even the stars decided not to shine tonight. It reminded me of his eyes...


	52. Technician to the rescue

I couldn't move, I could only think and look at the lightsaber in my hand.  
Everything went how I intended it to go. But why on Starkiller did I feel so bad? Was it the feeling of betraying him? He betrayed me first, right? Was it the dark sky that reminded me of his magical eyes, eyes that I could lose myself in the second I look in them? Was it his lovely smile that gave me a warm feeling no one else could? Was it because I would lose that feeling forever? My feelings rage through my head like a storm on an open field. Pulling up everything on its way, every single memory, good and bad.  
The only thing that doesn't go as I intended to, are my feelings.  
I'm using the word intended quite a lot lately, aren't I? What does intend actually mean? Intend, I intend to do it like the plan tells me to do it. But you know what the thing is about plans? No one ever sticks to them, so why would I be any different?

_Oh fuck it._

Suddenly I was capable of moving again, faster than I had ever done before. I had made a mistake, a huge mistake. I almost bumped into someone on my way to the TIE Whisper, Armitage. I could see the confused look in his eyes, pared with something that seems to be worry. I could only send a sad glance back before raging the last distance to the ship. I didn't waste another second and took off. I think I broke the maximum speed, a speed that's too much to handle by a human. But this human had a mission, one I did not intend to fail.

I locked the ship onto the rebel base door and ran to where Kylo's ship must be locked. When I reached the right hall I saw that the battle was already in its full fury. The rebels were armed with clubs and spiked shields. Kylo made me think of a black dragon, his ripped cloak still moving behind him as he fights the overwhelming amount of rebels, his temper surrounded him like fire. A fire that wouldn't give up until the very last moment. Every rebel he conquered got replaced by a new one, over and over again. I couldn't just watch, this was all my fault. 'KYLO!!' Kylo hadn't noticed me at first, which was my fault since I was the one who had him fight these rebels and stole his powers, but now I saw his head turn in my direction for a short moment before he had to eliminate another rebel. He knew I was here, 'go! There are too many and my powers are somehow disabled, plus my lightsaber doesn't work!' I felt my heart flutter and a bad feeling overwhelming me all at once, he cared more about my well being than his own, while I was the one who betrayed him. 'No! I won't run, I will fight for you, something I should have done earlier!' I activated the lightsaber I had unknowingly taken from my pocket. 'Pretend it's a stick, pretend it's a stick...' I tried to encourage myself. As soon as the rebels saw I was armed, the ones on my side (who were supposed to fill the empty spot if Kylo killed the ones in front) turned to me. _Armitage should see me now._ Which brought me on an idea. I took the blaster from my pocket, 'Kylo!!' At the same time I threw him the blaster, if he wasn't wearing his helmet I could see him smirk smugly as he caught it and the rebels took a step back, 'what's wrong? The party just started.' I couldn't stop myself and smirked too, _oh god, how did I think I could live without this?_ 'No party is a good party without a glow-stick, who wants to see it from up close?' I struck one opponent after another. Some started to back off, 'what is it? Don't you guys like the glow-stick? Oh I get it, it's better in the dark.' I impaled a dangerously close club before calling Kylo, 'Kylo! Let's swap, I have an idea.' I threw the lightsaber and he easily caught it as I caught my blaster. The second I got my blaster I shot the lamps, leaving us in the dark, the only light coming from Kylo's red lightsaber, sparks flying off it enlighten his helmet. Now the rebels no longer had the advantage of being with more. I saw how Kylo's lightsaber, and so Kylo too, came more in my direction, closer and closer. Until we were back against back, no words were needed to recognise each other. 'What took you so long?' He teased while, just in time, impaling a rebel who was about to split my head with an axe. I didn't tell him the real reason just yet and decided to tease back, 'I don't know, I thought you would be able to do it yourself. Where is the impressive Kylo Ren now hm?' I shot some more rebels, jeez how many are there? 'Can you help me a little?' I hooked my arm in his as he bowed forwards to allow me to half sit on his back while turning around in a circle, me shooting every rebel around us with my blaster with just the movement of my fingers. But there were still too many, 'I need my powers, why don't they work.' _His powers! Of course!_ I shot all the rebels on our way to leave the TIE Silencer, we were still in the area of the kyberdust. 'Follow me!' I dragged Kylo along. I didn't need any verbal confirmation that his powers worked again. Every rebel in between 3 meters from us blew away against the walls. With one wave of his hand, all remaining rebels fell onto the floor, fast asleep. His powers had gained a boost after being shut down for this long. I followed Kylo into a room that was separated from the hall by a giant metal door, nothing could get through.

I leaned forward, hands on my knees, panting. I even dropped my blaster on the floor. I wasn't used to this kind of action. But Kylo's next words made me stand straight again, all my exhaustion gone. I couldn't decipher the voice he was using, it was something I had never heard from him before, even noticeable through the mask, the mighty Kylo Ren was pleading, 'explain, tell me it isn't true. No one but you knows about the kyberdust, or manages to make such a perfect replica. Please, say I imagine things...'


	53. Acceptance

My first impulse was to apologise, apologise until I could no more. But my fury won, Kylo wasn't the only one who could hold a grudge. 'I am not the one to explain myself, _Matt_!' That's when it hit him, that was all the explaining he needed. Then everything started to fall from my tongue, 'you lied to me! You don't know how hard it was! Not only to find out, to find out not through you, but what difficulties I was experiencing before knowing. I loved Matt, but I also had this weird soft spot for Kylo, do you have any idea how bad I felt?! I felt like I was betraying and lying to Matt, while you were the one who betrayed and lied to me the whole damn time!! I prepared this trap for you, to protect myself, the pain taking control of me...' my voice starve away. It was Ren who continued, 'but you didn't. You didn't finish the job, you couldn't do it.' I unwillingly started to shout, 'yes, I was weak!! I know it now!' But Kylo shook his head, 'you weren't weak, you were strong, stronger than I could ever be. You overcame your pain, you let yourself guide by love...' despite the situation he chuckled, 'my mother told me about this kind of gestures when I was a kid, but I never understood her, now I do.' How the words first rolled of my tongue, they now didn't want to leave. My emotions were in battle, I loved this man with whole my heart, but did I allow him to hold my heart? What if he decides to crush it again, I don't think I would survive that. Kylo saw the conflict on my face, plus he's probably able to sense it with his powers, and slowly started to get closer to me. I could see Matt in the way how he walked over to me, 'I have to admit, I am impressed that you could keep your cover.' It left my lips before I got the chance to stop myself. Again that metallic chuckle, I missed the real one, 'oh no, I didn't do so well. I blowed it a couple of times. One time I even threw a stormtrooper through a soda machine. I'm glad you weren't there, you would be quite disappointed, but also in full laughter.' I managed to tie the lose ends together, 'did his name happen to be Tim?' How Kylo held his head to the side confirmed my suspicion. I couldn't stop myself from chuckling, _poor Kylo, there is one thing he totally sucks at. Anger control_. But that was one of the many things I love about him.  
Kylo had bridged the space between us and I allowed him to hold my forearms, which he gently stroke while looking in my eyes. His voice sounded softer than I had ever heard it, consisting of raw emotions, 'I hid my real identity to keep you save, and I didn't think anyone would come near "Kylo Ren". But now I know that it was pointless, the safest place for you is at my side.' If it wasn't for the helmet I would kiss him here and now, the feeling of love had won. Even if he'd crush my heart, he would be the one to glue it back together.  
A normal girl would fall for the knight in shining armour, riding a white stallion, instead I found myself falling for the dark knight himself. Kylo Ren.  
'Take off that mask. You don't need it.' My hands went to his helmet. 'What do you think you'll see when I do?' I smiled, the most loving smile possible, 'the face of the man I love most.' Kylo placed his hands on mine and guided them to the back of his helmet.

Together we took the mask off.

His face was a very familiar one, one I had learned to love, but this time there were no glasses or curly, blonde hair. Instead his face was portrayed with wavy, raven black hair, despite his helmet in a beautiful, elegant position. The dark colour perfectly matched with his dark galaxy-like eyes, both stood out from his slightly pale face.  
When he finally spoke, after the silence that had reigned in the time, I had examined his face, I heard his voice sounded slightly different. It had the same level of depth, but it sounded younger, more emotional, the never leaving temper. As Matt he had most of the time sounded monotone, except from when he was angry of course, that's when he lost control over his disguise.  
Before I realised it, I was already addicted to his real voice, 'I love you.'  
Saying those words he lifted me, held me steady against the wall and started to leave a trail of soft kisses on my neck. My hands roamed freely through his silky hair, this was something completely new. Kylo's hair was the softest I had ever seen or touched... I mean, I liked Matt's curly blond hair, but this... this was a whole new level of hair.  
I made a mental note to ask him what hair products he uses.  
Every single kiss he left on my neck felt raw, pure, full of emotions and desire. I shared that desire. Almost unnoticeable I started to speak, but Kylo heard it, he didn't want to miss any of my words or movements. 'Are you sure you are the real Kylo Ren?' He stopped kissing and looked slight confused before quickly regaining himself, 'well, when I checked the last time, yes.' My finger traced his facial features. 'And when was that?' He pretended as if he had to think, 'before the real Kylo Ren fully kissed you.' Now it was my turn to be slightly confused, 'but that hasn't happened.' 'Yet,' he said with a playful smirk on his face. 'What are you implying master Ren?' He leaned his head close to mine, our lips less than a millimetre apart. I felt his lips almost brush mine while he spoke, 'that you can't resist the pull of the dark.' I allowed my hands to rest on his broad chest, 'hmm, I have to agree that the dark side is very tempting indeed...' We didn't waste another second and our lips crashed onto each other's. I knew this was the same person I had kissed before, but it still gave me shivers as it felt new, and even more real.  
I totally gave into the dark side.

Normal stories have a happy ending, everyone deserves their happy ending right? But this isn't one of those stories, maybe they would find each other one day, but this wasn't that day...

My skin felt exposed to the sudden warmth, and my ears could pop any moment. The only thing I could think during the bombardment was to save Kylo, but at what cost?


	54. Epilogue: Missing Piece

So first we had denial, me denying the hints that Matt was actually Kylo. Then we had anger, anger that he lied to me and that I was too stupid to see it. After that we had acceptance, I accepted Kylo into my heart and accepted every mistake we had both made. Apparently after acceptance comes sacrifice, or at least in my situation.

I reopened my eyes, I vaguely remembered how I pushed Kylo to the ground, to protect him from the bombardment. Instead it was me who got hurt. I felt blood slowly dripping down my face and I saw red in the corner of my eye, where my temple lay. I heard this irritating buzzing sound, or was it just in my head?  
I could hardly see Kylo crawling to me, he dropped himself next to me. I wanted to bring my hand to his worried looking face, to tell him that everything was going to be alright, but I couldn't. I couldn't move a muscle, I only felt pain, which was visible on my face. 'Don't move (Y/n), I'll fix this,' Kylo sounded desperate as he tried to wipe the blood away with a piece of cloth from his cloak. But the blood kept coming. I managed to form a weak smile on my face, 'stop, it's alright. Some things can't be fixed.' Kylo realised what I meant as his eyes turned watery, 'no! Don't say that! Don't...' oh how badly I wanted to hold his face and wipe his tears away. He completely ignored his own pain and took my head in his lap, just like when we went stargazing in Ren's private quarters. His private quarters it turned out. I chuckled as I remembered how scared I was of being caught. Kylo seemed to think the exact same and even he couldn't suppress a weak smile. Carefully he wiped a lost strand of hair out of the little pool of blood that was forming on my temple. Despite the red liquid he placed his forehead against mine. 'Please, don't leave me,' Kylo's voice cracked. My heart felt like it could break any moment when seeing him like this. My voice started to get weaker as I started to lose grip on reality, 'I will never leave you. I will always be at your side.'  
I took one last look in his beautiful, mysterious dark eyes, there were so many things yet to discover in them. I felt the pain fade away.  
My view got blurry, I could no longer see his facial features or mystical eyes, just a black blur. I felt something quite heavy fall upon my chest, probably his head, like I had done many times before with him. I vaguely heard him sobbing, 'don't stop holding on, don't let go...'  
I was far away when a red blur joined the black blur. I had a very strong feeling for both of them, I just can't remember what. Without being with full conscious I spoke the next words, I just had this urge to say them, not knowing why. 'Don't you dare to let me hold you back. The last and most important lesson I teach you as your mentor... the best tool to fix a broken person is... love...'  
The last thing I felt was a pair of soft lips on mine as I could no longer keep my eyes open, I allowed the darkness to greet me for the very last time.

Kylo knew that Hux was standing behind him, watching the scenario in horror. For the first time in Hux's life things didn't go as planned. And as usual he had to blame someone, despite the feeling of guilt. Was this his fault? Partly or indirectly? He didn't want to think about it.  
'So apparently it's in the family, not being able to save the one you love. Good job Ren.' Hux tried to sound emotionless, being emotionless was a good mask, but he didn't succeed for one hundred procent. The brokenness was obviously present, but who could blame him? He had just lost the only one he genuinely cared about, the only one who seemed to understand him, the only one... he quickly headed away so Ren couldn't see the tears streaming down his face.

Kylo hadn't even listened to his accusation, he could only think of how he had lost her, the one thing in his life he tried to prevent from happening. _Had_ tried. He didn't want to let her go, he would stay here until he died with her, with (Y/n) in his arms. But even that got robbed away from him, (Y/n) started to shine. Her body disappeared in a bright white light, little rainbow coloured particles every now and then accompanied the white. And then she was gone, out of nowhere. Leaving him behind all alone, or so he thought.

The Hutt slugged his way over to him. Apparently he did speak English, very bad, but understandable. Kylo didn't even look at him while he spoke, focused on the place where (Y/n) had been laying, he had heard about the special Force connection this moon had, but she wasn't Force sensitive, so what had just happened? It didn't even matter, gone is gone, heartbroken is heartbroken.  
'This will end be. But First Order fail will. We bombs got from First Order man, man who wants gone you. He heard of coming of you, he heard of plan.' The Hutt chuckled disgusting, 'but that man did not foresaw her coming.' Kylo didn't want to listen to him, nothing what he said would matter. Nothing matters at all. 'You killed her,' he gritted his teeth, both his hands turned into hard fists, fists that would slam through everything on his way. The Hutt disagreed, 'No. You killed her, by her getting too close to you.' That was the last drop of oil that had to be cast into the fire to make it explode. Kylo unleashed his full anger on the slug, he was in pain, and the Hutt made it worse, the Hutt had made everything worse. Without realising where his lightsaber came from and how it ended up in his hands, he completely cut the Hutt in half.  
He would slay anything that reminded him of her, not because he wanted to forget her, never, but he wasn't able to handle the pain, 'let the past die, kill it if you have to.'

For a split moment in his life he had felt complete, he had confessed his biggest secret to the one who understood him the most. But now, he was more broken than ever.

He could never be whole again, without his _missing piece._

**_The end_ **   
**_For now..._ **


	55. Appreciations and sequel

I want to thank all of you for reading, voting and commenting the first part of (Y/n)'s story. I appreciate every single one of you!

I hope you guys are up for a sequel, we can't let her the story end like this right?!

Summary sequel:

Everything in Asgard was going just fine, except from Loki's tricks every once in a while.  
Until a girl showed up, a girl who knew nothing of her past, not even her name at first. Luckily the people of Asgard were very kind to her, but she was mostly intrigued by the troubled prince Loki.  
Despite the kindness she received, she didn't feel at home, she felt... like she was at the wrong place. The weird "flashbacks" she was experiencing didn't really help either.  
Will (Y/n) find out about her missing link? Or will she forever be kept in the dark...

Sequel to Missing Piece, find out what happened to (Y/n) after her "death," what will she do with her "second chance?"

This story takes place before the first Thor movie.


End file.
